Of course you don’t have to help anyone, so your are **NTA** in the technical sense.

But good gosh, the amount of pettiness and immature ‘neneer neener neener got you back!’ attitudes we often see here pretty is just sad sometimes. Especially in cases like this where she had a pretty valid concern about loaning a shovel to a practical stranger becasue they haven’t been returned in the past, and all you had to do was lend a kind hand for just a moment. And who knows, maybe with that kindness she would be willing to trust you with her property next time.

I have a neighbour just like yours. They are extremely old but do you know what? both of us move on from the incident and help each other no matter what. Even if it’s at four am. We have gone down to help the lady get up from the floor because she can’t move and they give us keys to the terrace every time we don’t get water supply to see how we can deal with issues before their waking up time. Don’t be so petty live is so short pettiness takes you nowhere

I love the way these people go and complain to neighbors, basically anyone who will listen but NOT to the person they perceive did them wrong somehow. If she was upset with you, then she should have told YOU instead of gathering her group of flying monkeys to gang up on you.

Then you could have said, “I don’t like to loan out my back to people because it’s never the same afterwards … oh, and thanks for the use of your shovel …”

NTA. It’s human nature to remember when someone wasn’t helpful, especially in a time of need. Karen set the tone with her refusal to lend you the shovel, so it’s understandable why you weren’t feeling generous in return. It’s always a good idea to be neighborly, but it’s also reasonable to expect some reciprocity. Don’t beat yourself up too much—sometimes, people reap what they sow.

She’s in her 40s, not her 80s. It’s rather convenient for Karen to make you out as an ass. But when you help everyone else but Karen, they will know differently. And what is so fckng precious about a SNOW SHOVEL??? She knows you have it, so she can ask for it back if you didn’t return it. You’d obviously return it b/c were you going to put it in your living room?

I mean, it was a little petty. She should’ve lent the shovel.

Info though: is she like this to other neighbors too?

Should you have helped with her groceries? You would have been the bigger person for it as now the relationship is only going to grow more adversarial. Going to go with NTA but keep in mind, things are only going to get worse from here.

NTA but remember you’re now even and have reset the score to zero. help her proactively and enthusiastically next time there’s an opportunity and she’ll change her tune and you can forge a positive relationship. we all make mistakes and I can understand reluctance to loan tools. my neighbour had my lawnmower for a month before giving it back on my second ask!

You’e a little bit TAH just like she was when she didn’t lend you her shovel. You’re basically choosing to be the same AH as her. Yeah, it’s probably what she deserves for not helping you, but you’re stooping to her level. Is that who you want to be? (there’s nothing wrong with it either way – you get to choose)

YTA. She failed you the first time around. Take the higher ground and help her. If you don’t act better than her, then no one is ever going to act better, ever. Maybe next time she helps you. Maybe she doesn’t. You’ll have the knowledge you took the higher ground and sometimes that’s all you need and all you get.

So if she’s a unthoughtful person for helping you out………what does it make you for not helping her out?
Life is too short for that type of petty bullshit. You should have grabbed a few bags. Show her how having a bit of class can be done. Instead you stooped-to her level. You’re no better. A missed opportunity.

You’re NTA for feeling a little petty, but it’s also understandable that you weren’t eager to help someone who wasn’t helpful to you in the past. It sounds like Karen wasn’t very neighborly when you needed assistance, so it’s not surprising that you weren’t inclined to go out of your way for her.

NTA. But needlessly petty. Being a good neighbor means: begin a good neighbor not just when the neighbor deserves it, but when they need it. I totally get you feelings. But, seriously, this is one of the very few cases when I think being the bigger/better person is really a good idea.

Sounds like Karen’s got a classic case of what’s mine is mine but when she needs a hand suddenly it’s neighborly love time. You could say you’re just practicing the art of selective kindness. If she wants help carrying groceries she might want to consider lending out that shovel next time!

Barely registers in the petty scale to me

She clearly demonstrated that she’s not interested in the ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ mindset that you seem accustomed to. So you didn’t bother her with it.

I see no transgression here

NTA. I operate a tit for tat approach. You treat me well I’ll treat you well. You act like an asshole I’ll treat you like an asshole. She acted like a bitch she got treated like one. I would be clear that she set the precedent here not you.

Forget the neighbors. She didn’t want to help you while you were in a crunch and you didn’t give it a thought to help her. I wouldn’t worry about it. Making a couple extra trips to carry her groceries won’t kill her.

NTA

What goes around comes around and old Karen found out the hard way.

You cannot treat people poorly and then expect them to rush to help your entitled ass.

I would avoid this particular Karen like the plague.

NTA and I’m Petty so I would have said, “You know, I would help you, but I don’t lend my tools out to people,” as I held my hands out, showing my helping hands tool, that I’m not going to lend.

NTA

I’d be honest with your other neighbours about the situation: When you needed a favour in the past, she refused to help you. Therefore you do not feel obligated to help her out now.

Nta next time just say “she set the tone for our relationship that we’re not the kind of neighbors that do favors for each other and honestly I’d like to limit our interactions”

I understand. But don’t stoop to her level. Stooping will change your good heart. She doesn’t deserve it. She is obviously unhappy in life.

Let this go. Be better next time.

It has been over a year since the snow shovel thing. Let it go and help the lady. Yes being one. BTW she has a very valid point. I have seen I happen again and again.

NTA. You’re not responsible for helping her with her groceries. It’s not like she’s 90 and feeble, either. Let her take care of her own shit.

NTAH, but you missed an opportunity to be the bigger person. You let her change your normal behavior. Normally you would have helped.

When other neighbors complain about you not helping, reply, “You mean like when she wouldn’t help me out when I was snowed in?”

Ur petty. If you had offered to help her she would regret not showing a kindness to you. Now her actions are justified.

NTA but I disagree with not helping. By being nice, you would have gained more than people talking behind your back.

NTA, the way I see it, your neighbor set the tone when she denied your plea for help. I would have walked by her too.

YTA for using the agist, sexist “Karen” cliché when you could have used virtually any pseudonym instead.

You were helping her get her steps in by taking more trips. You’re the real hero quit being so modest

NTA, however you should have helped her. Modeling good behavior can help people change.

NTA. She never asked so how were you to know she needed help? Then smile innocently.

NTA. She established the boundaries of your relationship; you respected them.

I don’t lend hands to people they don’t come back in the same condition

Kinda trivial. Being nice might change her mind next time you ask .

NTA – You’re merely her karma in action. Let the neighbours talk.

Eye for an eye make the world blind

Being neighborly goes both ways!