AITA for calling the police on my dad when he stole the money that was meant for my child’s birthday?

A young mother, burdened by the scars of her own childhood, fights tirelessly to give her son the celebrations she never had. Despite her low income and the constant struggle to save every penny, she holds onto hope and love, determined to create joyful memories for her little boy’s birthdays and Christmases.

But that fragile hope is shattered when betrayal strikes from the one person she should be able to trust. Her father, trapped by addiction and greed, invades her home and steals the money she painstakingly saved, threatening to rob her son of the happiness she’s fought so hard to provide.

AITA for calling the police on my dad when he stole the money that was meant for my child's birthday?

I’m 22f, I have a son who’s going to be 4 next month. I’m low income so birthdays and Christmas are something I need to save for year round but I always make a fairly big deal out of them because I never had that as a young child due to my father’s inability to spend money on anything that wasn’t a necessity or alcohol.

When I got my first job at 16, ¾ of my paycheck was taken by him to support his addiction.

Now it may be worth a note that I kept this money in cash and in my house. My mom has a key to my house that I’ve told her not to give my dad access to, she has a key because she minds my 3 days a week while I work to cut down on childcare costs.

My mom knew about the fact I was saving and I think she let it slip to my dad but I’m really not sure.

He somehow managed to get my moms key and went into my house while I was working on Thursday. He had found and stolen the money saved for this years Christmas and my sons birthday and taken it.

I knew it was him because I have a security camera on both doors and in the spare bedroom where it was kept, they’re all fairly obviously security cameras.

I didn’t bother to even check until Friday evening though, when I was going to gather some to get my son his present while he was at his dad’s for the weekend. When I noticed all of it was gone I checked the cameras and sure enough found out it was my dad fairly quick.

I didn’t bother contacting my mom first, I just called the police, they came and took a statement off me and went to my parents house to get one off my mom and dad. In the space of maybe 36 hours my dad had managed to spend upwards of €250 on drink, I’d imagine in a pub where its more expensive but I’m not sure for certain.

I went to the station Saturday morning to give in the CCTV footage when I was informed there was nothing they could do as the money seems to have disappeared into thin air.

When I called my mom and told her this, she got really angry at me because having a theft charge could cost my dad his career and get them evicted from their accommodation and all this hullabaloo.

She thinks I’m an asshole for calling the police before calling her and asking what happened. I don’t think I am but its because my dad ruined a birthday and potentially a Christmas for my son.

AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

bamf1701

NTA. Your father probably needs to get the police called on him a few times before he will ever clean up (if he ever does). In addition, your mother has proven that she cannot be trusted to keep the key safe from your father. If your mother is so worried about him losing his job and getting evicted, she should have done a better job of protecting the key.

Also, what would calling her first would have done? He already drank away the money. The only thing she could have done would have been to talk you out of what you did (which, I suspect, is what she wanted to do).

You were robbed, so you needed to call the police. The fact that it was your father who did it is irrelevant. It’s a shame your father cares more about destroying his liver than for his grandchildren.

Scarsguard11

NTA- your father stole from you so you had every right to report it. By the sounds of things it’s easier for your mother deal with you being upset at the fact that he robbed you than it would be to deal with the father if he couldn’t get his hands on booze.

It’s upsetting to see that your mother is more upset that you went to the police that the fact her husband stole money meant for her grandchild’s birthday and Christmas. I honestly think that it’s worth cutting them both off for a while because they obviously don’t care about you and your child.

I’m really sorry that they have put you through this and I hope you can find a way to give your son a great birthday and Christmas.

JiPaiLove

Not TA from a moral standpoint.

But there’s a difference between being in the right and being smart. It sounds like your parents are still together. You also said, that your mom’s babysitting for you. So, while your dad might deserve it, your mom doesn’t really deserve losing her accommodations and part of her household income.

This might also lead to you losing her help and therefore having to find another childcare. This makes you TA to yourself and you might end up paying way more than 250€.

Therefore it’s a soft ESH, with your dad clearly being the biggest AH.

justchillinghbu87

NTA- flip it around on her: so because the victim of his crime is his own daughter that makes it ok? And if he’s willing to steal from his daughter and by extension his grandchild, I would imagine he has no problem stealing from others. You didn’t put his career/housing in jeapordy, he did that when he committed a serious crime. You could also tell her you’d be willing to drop the charges if they return the money if thats something you’re ok with doing.

herbivorouscarnivore

OP, I am so angry for you. How dare he take the money you worked so hard to save for your son. How dare your mom continue to protect him. And what good is his career, when he’s blowing all his money – and yours?

NTA. It takes a lot of guts to report family. You did the right thing. If your dad didn’t want to risk his job and eviction, he shouldn’t have stolen from you. If your mom didn’t want it to happen, she should have minded the key better.

Current-Read

NTA, by your fathers actions and your mothers response i would say time to go NC. Your father literally stole from you money that was directly allocated for your childs Christmas and birthday. He deserves the cops called him and all the repercussions it comes with, his choices, his actions, his consequences and he can suffer for it.

C4M5T46

NTA oh, don’t want a thief charge in your history? How about not being a thief? Also your mother is no better enabling that thief, you will need to think what is costing more, a nanny, or the though of never knowing when are you gonna go into your house and find it empty because he decides to pawn it all?

SamW20910

NTA. Thievery is not acceptable from strangers. Why should it be for family members? If your mom is more concerned about how your father’s actions have consequences than what those actions actually are, she is not owed any explanation from you nor any understanding regarding her tenuous living situation.

NefariousnessGlum424

NTA if he doesn’t want to lose his job and housing he should pay you back with interest. Otherwise it’s stealing. Idk why the police wouldn’t allow you to press charges. If the police don’t let you do that you could threaten your father that you’ll send the video and explain what happened to his employer.

Moggetti

NTA. Your father is a selfish addict. It might make more sense for you to invest in one of those locks where the spare key is kept at the doorknob behind a combination lock. My elderly neighbor uses it and it’s pretty effective. That way Unreliable-Mom will no longer have free access to a key.

MorgainofAvalon

NTA if the police aren’t going to do anything, try small claims court. Judge Judy would rip him a new one.

I’m sorry your own father stole from you, and that your mother seems to think it’s ok. Any consequences are 100% on him.

gwenixia

Hey, I’m in South Africa so the exchange rate is against me, but I’d really love to send something to your little family for his birthday/Christmas?

Edit:definitely NTA, your dad is suffering from something known as consequences…

KTB1962

NTA. Theft is theft. Period. And the fact that he had spent €250 of your money in such a short period of time indicates that it’s a major theft. He made his bed, and your mom did absolutely nothing to stop it.

KnotKarma

NTA Too bad he wasn’t arrested. He needs consequences. Take your key back so he won’t have access to your home. If there are other consequences, enforce them. Sorry this happened to you and your son.

littlebopper2015

NTA your mom is obviously not capable of dealing with him and she’s just mad he got in trouble but really she’s an enabler of his shit behavior. Your father is toxic and he steals from his children.

talibob

NTA. Your father is a thief a deserves to be treated as such. You should probably take the key back from your mom too.

TemporaryMeringue714

NTA but don’t let people know you’re saving in cash. Say it’s in the bank or really put it in the bank.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is dealing with the severe emotional impact of her father stealing essential savings intended for her son’s birthday and Christmas. Her decision to immediately involve the police stemmed from past trauma related to her father’s financial irresponsibility and addiction, conflicting sharply with her mother’s desire to protect the father from legal and housing consequences.

Was the OP justified in prioritizing the recovery of her son’s funds and holding her father accountable through legal channels immediately, or should she have first consulted her mother to attempt an informal resolution, given the potential devastating impact a theft charge could have on her parents’ lives?