But as the days stretched on, the once comforting presence began to cast shadows of doubt and unease, revealing the delicate balance between gratitude and intrusion. What started as heartfelt support now teetered on the edge of something more unsettling, leaving the family to question the true nature of the help they so desperately needed.
A bit over a year and a half ago me and my husband gave birth to our son. It was our first kid and we were incredibly nervous and scared we were gonna screw things up. The first week with him back where horrid he cried all the time and it was ridiculously exhausting but I’d be lying if I said we didn’t know what we were getting into.
At the start my husbands bsf was amazing she would come round all the time bring us food spend time with our son baby sitting so we could some time away and really appreciated the help and she seemed to genuinely love my son.
When my maternity leave was finished and I went back to work she offered even more of her time to help with baby sitting instead of me hiring someone.
I said that I couldn’t make her do that and she surely had other things do and she said it was fine she works from home on her online buisnesses anyway and she even refused pay.
And honestly I didn’t mind any of the help until now.
I recently noticed on our doorbell that she had been coming in at night while I was doing occasional night shifts. I thought it was strange but you know free help so I never confronted it as weird as I felt it was.
But yesterday when I came home from a shift and found my son playing with her and found that he kept referring to her as mama I think soemthien kinda broke inside of me and I told her to get out.
She protested and asked what’s wrong and I just asked her to leave and to not come here again and she accused me of being jealous and that I was scared I was being replaced. She pointed out that if i was a more involved parent my husband and son wouldn’t need a “second wife” and I screamed at her told her if she knows what’s good for her she should get out.
She finally did.
My husband came home a bit after and I told him about and he just shrugged and didn’t say anything. But my MIL called and had a go at me basically repeating her talking points and saying that I needed to apologise.
And honestly I’m at a lost cause at this point I feel really bad and felt like went to far. Am I the arsehole ?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced a significant breach of trust when they discovered their husband’s best friend (BSF) was entering their home and caring for their son, leading to the child recognizing the BSF as “mama.” This discovery forced the OP into a confrontation, ending the BSF’s involvement abruptly. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need to protect the parental bond and household boundaries versus the significant, yet unsolicited, support offered by the BSF, which the OP’s husband appears to tacitly support.
Was the OP justified in immediately severing ties with the person who was providing substantial, free childcare, or did the emotional reaction to the child’s bonding and the BSF’s secretive nighttime entries constitute an overreaction that damaged necessary relationships? The core question remains: Where is the line between accepting generous help and allowing an outside figure to dangerously blur essential parental roles?
Here’s how people reacted:
And the MIL chiming in, repeating what hubby’s “friend” said is highly suspicious. That woman needs to go far, far away – same with the MIL! My MIL has never been anything but genuinely nice to me! There is something wrong with this woman.
OP, you are his mama – no one else.
You and hubby need to get professional counseling, too. Firstly, for MIL problem and secondly, for “best friend” problem, and thirdly, for husband problem. An emotional affair can often lead to a physical affair. Not good. This whole situation needs to do a 180! Take it in hand and move forward with doing just that, OP.
Did you have a messy reaction to hearing your child call another woman mama? Yes.
Was that woman’s response to you appropriate? *Absofuckingloutely not*
Was your husband’s response appropriate?
*absofuckingloutely not*
Was your MIL’s response appropriate?
*absofuckingloutely not*
OP these are some really, really red flags. The level of enmeshment and the expectation that you dont get to make or enforce boundaries is really worrisome to me. If you feel outnumbered and isolated it is because you are and the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to remedy that situation by any means necessary
I’m sure you and your husband will have a long talk about boundaries. Why he allowed this to happen is beyond me. If it comes down to a separation, your nanny will be a big help to you in providing continuous care. I would certainly not let your mother in law (or anyone!) bully you into not working.
I’m guessing that straight up fukkin while you’re at work and the baby is asleep.
I also wonder if she has fertility issues and this was part of a bigger plan to get them a baby.
But why would he marry you if that was the case? That theory doesn’t add up, especially since idk the length of the marriage and dating prior. Just a thought.
Your husband and his family want you to “accept that you’ve been replaced as a mother?” Your child is barely old enough to talk.
UpdateMe