Unpopular opinion: this isn’t some unexpected thing. I highly doubt you were courted by, married, and had a baby with this guy and didn’t know he would potentially want to go to burning man regardless of his life status.

I’m very clear and upfront with my partners about who I am, what my priorities are, and what I want to do with my time. As we all should be.

I think you are the ahole for using your child as an excuse to be controlling over what he more than likely verbalized to you was something he would want to do.

Kids deserve parents who want to be good parents and who will nurture them into successful adults. That does not mean the parents should stop living their own lives for 18 years. 🤷🏽‍♀️

You’re not the asshole. It’s understandable that your husband wants a break, but disappearing off the grid for a week, 10,000 miles away, while you’re home alone with a 5-month-old (and breastfeeding) is a lot to ask. Parenting is a shared responsibility, and this isn’t just about fairness—it’s about practicality and support. If he truly needs time for himself, there are plenty of ways to do that without leaving you completely alone and unreachable. His offer for you to take a break later isn’t really equivalent, given your current responsibilities. It’s reasonable to expect a compromise.

YTA

He’s just taking a week long vacation. It’s only 7 days. If he’s otherwise been supportive tell him to have an amazing time in South Africa and be ready to give you that week plus interest when you’re done breastfeeding.

You know those sad couples that never really get to pursue their own interests because they have to do absolutely everything together? So they always compromise and neither of them really gets to do what makes them truly happy? Don’t become like that. Let him have his time as long as you get yours as well.

oh man, i see your first ever post was wondering if it’s normal for husbands in your culture (turkish americans) to not attend the birth of your child. i know things like this run much deeper than some concerned feedback on reddit, but just know it doesn’t have to be like this. i’m sure many men use these kinds of excuses to get out of being a good parent, but i bet you there’s still many good ones within it who don’t take it as a cop out. people previously saying he’s acting like he’s a sperm donor are on point

NTA. He can do something local in case of emergency. Going to AFRICA with a baby at home is not okay if you aren’t comfortable.

I went away for a weekend while breastfeeding. I had to build up a freezer stash and pump while away. Even if you took a trip, you’d still be dealing with the logistics of breastmilk.

Day trip? Cool. Weekend trip? Doable. Week long trip? Pushing it. Week long out of the country trip? That better be for work.

Nah-ah. Leaving his wife alone with a 5 month old to go party halfway across the globe? Unacceptable. Partying off the grid was something he should have done BEFORE having a child, or at least wait until the kid is grown up and then re-live your youth for all I care. What do his friends and family have to say about this? Is nobody going to stand up and tell him how unreasonable this plan is?

I would not advise anyone to travel overseas if it’s not absolutely necessary. If they have that festival here, he should attend there and place the money saved into an annuity for the baby. Time to grow up fella. AND, after he’s attended, please be sure to have pumped enough and take yourself somewhere to pamper yourself a bit. Mani/pedi/massage/sleep – no interruptions.

NTA

NTA – Of course he thinks it’s perfectly reasonable, because he knows deep down that you would never dump the kids on him for a week and go off grid. Being a parent means there are sacrifices you have to make, especially while you have an infant. Tell him it’s time for him to man up and be a father, not just a sperm donor. You didn’t sign up to be a married single mother. 

Leaving your wife and newborn on another continent while being completely off grid? Cool, cool (really, NOT).

And uhm, when would YOU get your vacation off grod with him taking care of the baby fulltime? You’ve already been bearing the brunt since the kid was conceived after all.

NTA Your husband is freaking because having a child has made him realize his youth is slipping away and adulthood taking a firm hold. It sucks but that’s too bad. He could wait until the baby is a little older and he’s acting like a man child

Do you have joint bank account? Now’s the time for you to start setting up a personal account in another bank account. Everytime he goes away on his own, siphon off some money for yourself ‘to relax’ and save it for a lawyer for the divorce.

NTA. I would tell him how you feel and that you will be really dissappointed and offended if he goes and then let him make his choice. His insistance on going says a lot. My guess is this isn’t the only time he’s been completely selfish.

NTA. I don’t think it’s ever OK to be completely unreachable when you have a young child (tbh i wouldnt like this from a spouse at all, child or no child) longer than like the length of a movie

My husband dropped my newborn and I off at home from the hospital in a blizzard with no power then went out snowmobiling with his buddies. He never grew up. We divorced 4 years later.

He wants to pretend he’s still young, single, and has no responsibilities beyond himself. I’d tell him that if he goes he’ll come home to find the locks changed.

This is a shit parenting move on his part. He’s more focused on a big party than his own family at a time when they need a lot of support and care.

Let him know he can go the Burning Man US, it’s nice and close to you. Don’t want him to go, a phone call to Homeland Security could be helpful😉

NTA and is he usually a useful partner? Because he does not seem to understand his responsibilities and is choosing to be a selfish prat.

Since he is also offering you same amount of time completely reasonable. You and 5 month old should be ok in a first world city….

South Africa is one of the least safe places for people to be. I wonder how many people don’t come back from Burning man.

Spouses should be allowed to have their own interests. Having a child should not be the end of your personal life.

You can do something fun with your friends like have a pack-up-his-stuff-and-changes-the-locks party. He’s TAH

Can you all go, with the baby? If it’s too soon now, you can plan to go next year as a whole family

Nah , this is really selfish to even consider it an option
You need a break more than him I’d say !

Why would you marry someone that wants to go to burning man Africa in the first place

Was he always an inconsiderate asshole, or is this new since the baby?

With everything going on in the states, he might not get back in.

NTA. Maybe he can go next year if things are more manageable.

He’s a self absorbed asshole & it’s not going to get better

NAH

If there’s an emergency, why can’t you handle it?

Let him go and then pack up your shit and leave

Wait til he’s gone and MOVE. You have 2 kids.

NTA, but you actually have two kids.

He needs to be a grown up now.