NTA AT ALL. This is fucking abusive behavior from your step-monster and father. What the fuck is this? I can understand you secretly dated him, but *fucking removing shelves from your daughter’s room* is ABUSIVE. I think you need to get in contact with an adult you can trust, somebody who can believe you. Before that happens, DOCUMENT this. Videos, pictures, I don’t give a fuck, just please get help. That’s not okay. And your step sister knew this was going to happen. But *the excuse of a father* this is, this is unbelievable. I didn’t even know this could be a type of punishment. OP get help. After getting evidence, get away. To a grandmother or grandfather, aunt, uncle, your mom, *anybody*. My god OP, I cry for you. This sounds like hell. And I doubt this isn’t the tip of the iceberg. I’m so sorry.

Edit: OP, this isn’t just *controlling behavior*. This is more. This is top shelf *abuse*. This isn’t normal controlling. That’s just don’t do this, or that. But this, this is * another fucking level of abuse from your father *. I went through school learning if your parents *hit you and bruise you*, that’s abuse. But this is *a different level of abuse*. Think about it OP. This could be the tip of the iceberg. *People, you can downvote me. I don’t care.* But OP, please, at least consider this is abuse.

Edit #2: I’d like to say yes the step sister is obviously abusive. But it is *downright disgusting how most aren’t looking at the abusive parenting*. I’m not trying to insult people here, but how about we look at the *fucking gigantic white elephant in the room*. Let’s talk about this abuse. What makes anybody think that, *this is just it, nothing else is going on here.*

Edit #3: All edits were added before OP commented. Except this one, obviously.

NTA. But punishing her is not a healthy way forward for you.

You are doing an excellent job of your boundaries and expressing your anger though.

It seems like the problem is that your sister hasn’t acknowledged that she injured you by
1. Invading your privacy
2. Not talking to you about what she saw on your phone
3. Reporting you to the parents without negotiation/ discussion

There’s no excuse for snooping, but let’s say she apologised for that, if she did step 2 and 3 and still dobbed you in she wouldn’t be TA.

I agree with other posters here. There is a problem with your parents. You are 16 years old. In 2 years (or less depending on where you live) you’ll be able to marry and have a baby and they will have no say in it.

A responsible parent will allow their child to start dating around 15 so they can build up some experience in relationships while they have support. You don’t just dump a naive kid in the world of grownup relationships with no skills.

Sure your parents should provide some supervision (meet the bf, meet the bf parents, do general vetting etc) but they should not stop you from dating. They most certainly should not be punishing you because at16 dating a boy at school is TOTALLY NORMAL and you have done NOTHING WRONG.

So given that your stepmother and father are being unjust at best and abusive at worst. Where does that leave your stepsister? Is she your step mums flying monkey? Is she being caught up in an abusive dynamic? Or does she just need a short sharp lesson in respect.

Either way, punishing her is not useful. Work out what is going on. If she can learn and do better – great. If not strengthen your boundaries and go Low contact or no contact over time.

NTA You’re handling it better than I did when I was younger.

My sister was a terror and we hated each other. She was the youngest and was doted on, more than a bit spoilt.

She thought she could do whatever she wanted because mom would protect her. I went through many years of her taking my things whenever she felt like it, snitching about everything and in general being a gigantic turd. By the time my early/mid teens were up, I’d had enough.

We were cleaning the house one day, big house big job for two young kids. She gets bored and wanders off and Im left to clean the rest. Nbd, nothing new.

In the meantime, mother had come home with my favorite food for the house. I leave it as my reward for when I get done cleaning.

Cut to hours later, I’m finally finished and im starving. I go to eat – its gone. She’s got a shit-eating grin boasting that she ate it because I wasn’t there.

I punched her clean in the mouth. Didn’t even think twice. She screamed bloody murder and ran off to my mother, and I calmly waited for the same punishment back once I was ratted out.

Strangely enough, it never came. My mother told her off for being a shit and she never dared touch my things again.

I will never ever suggest this method because its a really shitty thing to do – the simple fact you’re just ignoring her is already so much more mature than a lot of people, myself included.

Keep it up.

Ps: Now we’re older, she’s my best friend.

Okay, hear me out. YTA. You saying that even if she’s scared walking alone, while you said you live in a bad neighborhood, that you won’t help is not okay and makes you a bad person in general let alone a sister. It’s tough, you’re young I get it, but is this worth her getting killed or kidnapped over a boy? I get she snitched but siblings sometimes snitch. Little sisters do that sometimes. It’s not fun and it’s very bratty, but you really want to end you’re entire relationship with her over one incident? You’re both a victim of your shit parents. She probably thought she was saving you from an evil boy. You said you’re parents are afraid that talking or dating boys could make you turn to a drug addict and she probably thinks that is true because of your parents. I think you’re majorly overreacting. You should have a CALM talk with her about what she did was wrong and that not all boys are evil. But to tell her (or even just think to yourself) that even if she’s in danger she can’t rely on you because of a boy. You got in trouble, okay. But seriously?

Nta.

If the bf was a creep i could see it. Your sister is basically a narc and as a 16yo you really dont need someone all up in your business and reporting it.

Taking bookshelves though? Thats just low. I can see your dad has no idea how to raise a teenage girl, since hes treating you like you keep sneaking out to party and shit. The best you can probably do here is find some sources on teenage rebellion and give them to your dad and explain that if you cant live like a normal kid that youll inevitably end up as one of those statistics. Eventually your dad will give in when he realizes he cant prevent you from living.

Dont go doing stupid stuff like getting pregnant or kidnapped to teach him a lesson though. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, use your brain.

The kids who are sheltered from life are the ones who have more issues later in life or something like that right?

Your sister needed your help, and you went to help in her a potentially scary and dangerous situation. She then stabbed you in the back, knowing full well there would be serious repercussions for you.

While I think you should suck up the tiny stuff like passing the plate (to keep the peace with your parents, who sound like terribly unreasonable people), you are **absolutely** under no obligation to lift a finger for anything meaningful that siblings would do for one another.

Simply put, she decided to not treat you as a sister. It’s only reasonable for you to treat her how she *already* decided to treat you.

NTA.

NTA your sister went through your phone when you were helping her out with a creep. You are not obliged to help her with anything. And if you want to go a step futher, you can inform everyone in your home that when you turn 18, their strickt rules will come back to bite them in the ass because once you’re out, you’re really out.

That’s what punishing instead of parenting gets you. Because parents are supposed to teach you how to live, how to deal with situations, like boys. How cruel is it to send a recently 18 year old into the world of dating knowing nothing? That’s like a creep/rapist magnet.

NTA. Your parents are borderline abusive, trying to be so controlling over you and the people you interact with. And stupid, because it’s parenting 101, this pattern plays out over and over again, so all this means is you’ll feel like you need to hide stuff even more from both your parents and your sister, so if you ever were actually in a situation where you were in trouble and needed support, they’d not know about it.

I mean, your sister screwed up, and you’re definitely right in not helping her with stuff after what she did the last time you did help her, but she’s not the real asshole here.

NTA

as a little sister I snitched on my sister once when I was your stepsisters age. REGREEEEEEETED IT.

my sister knows more about me than anyone. our relationship changed and it really hurt and I knew I effed up. now we’re close again but I learned my lesson.

you’re NTA for ignoring her because her actions negatively affected you and she doesn’t have the right to expect to be treated the same.

hard lesson for her.

This might be unpopular but NTA. She asked you to help defend her from a potentially dangerous person, then went through your messages? That’s a huge invasion of privacy. Then she went and snitched on you. You are being quite petty but I do understand why, after all she turned your life upside down with your parents extreme punishments.

Edit: well this sparked quite the discussion about unpopular opinions.

NTA

You helped her and in return she went through your phone? She is getting what she deserves, she went out of her way to do something to hurt you. What could she do in your phone that could be good to you while you got her out of a bad situation? In my opinion nothing

Far more than a snitch she is a back stabber, and it wasn’t like she found you doing drugs, you just had a boyfriend, that’s it

NTA. Your parents are horribly controlling, and a 16 year old is perfectly capable to form relationships or her own. Your sister not only took advantage of your whereabouts, but also completely violated your privacy. She had no right to go through your phone. Although what you did was petty, it’s a fair consequence for her.

INFO – I’m kinda curious about this “dangerous” guy who followed her. Something tells me that this was not a creepy stranger, but very much likely a failed try by your sis to build a little bit of bf/bonding herself.

(which, truth be told, might as well explain her overreaction when she saw you succeeding where she fails)

girl run, this family is abusive and controlling, the “rules” are insane and stepsis is a snitch that doesn’t seem to care about you. don’t let them break you, keep your head up and let them call you petty all they want, let’s see how they keep acting after you’ve disassociated from them. NTA!!!!

NTA at all! She betrayed you and thinks things will stay the same? Pfft. You mentioned that your parents are punishing you further for you refusing to help out your sister, I hope its not anything extreme…

ESH Sis sucks for snooping. You
suck for breaking the rules and refusing to help her keep safe walking home in an unsafe nabourhood. Your parents suck for not letting you have male friends.

NTA – your stepsister is TA for going through your phone and snitching on you. She severely violated your trust and she has nobody to blame but herself for how you’re treating her now.

NTA

I would keep ignoring her 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’d be different if you were doing drugs or something dangerous and she told on you hit this isn’t that situation

NTA – she cannot expect you to make her life easier when she went out of her way to make your life so much harder.