Years of bullying carved deep wounds into his young heart, as physical and emotional scars intertwined with the confusion of love and loyalty. Every day was a painful lesson in survival, a struggle between enduring the pain and longing for the family he deserved but never truly had.
I (17M) live with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 4 and they shared me 50-50. When I was 7 my mom met her husband Ricky and they got married after dating for about a year. Ricky had three kids.
Frankie was a year older than me, Cole was two years younger and Jesse was three years younger.
Frankie wasn’t happy her mom was gone and she took her dad’s marriage to my mom out on me. She bullied me for 3 years at my mom’s and in school. My mom and Ricky knew and they intervened but my mom also didn’t really make me feel better and she kept making excuses for why we had to try and make things work.
Even when Frankie threatened to push me out of the upstairs window my mom would tell me I needed to be patient, kind and loving and that sometimes siblings struggle with new additions.
Frankie was physically and emotionally bullying me and she had access to me way more than I wanted her to. There wasn’t a day with my mom when she didn’t bully me.
Some of the stuff she did in those three years included; breaking my stuff, threatening me, throwing her juice over me in school, tripping me up in school, ruining my homework, trying to close doors on my hand, locking me out of the house, pouring water on my bed right before my bedtime, spreading rumors at school about me crapping my pants and pissing myself when we’d go anywhere.
When it got to the point I wasn’t eating, was struggling in school, the school were reaching out to my parents and my interest in stuff was gone, my dad was able to win custody of me because the home environment was considered unhealthy for me and was very literally putting me at risk.
My mom was pissed but she kept some legal custody. This meant I had to stay in the same school because mom said so. We also met up once a week for two hours outside her house and without Ricky and his kids.
Frankie kept bullying me at school and she did a few more physical things to me. Dad finally got permission to move my school when Frankie threatened to kill me in front of the whole school.
I never forgave my mom for staying with Ricky and choosing to be a stepmom to Frankie over being my mom. And she did. People can say she didn’t do that all they want, and some have said that to me, but it’s what she did.
She chose her marriage and her stepkids over me. She expected me to tolerate that and love Frankie anyway and to be glad she met Ricky.
I still don’t go to my mom’s and our visits have decreased significantly.
She added me to a group chat with her and Ricky and they told me Frankie’s doing really bad in school, might not be able to pull off graduating, and she needs a tutor. My mom knows I tutor for my school.
The two of them asked me to tutor Frankie so she can have a chance at graduating. Ricky made this really passionate speech about how she needs this. My mom told me I should help out family and we can try to put “the mess” behind us.
I told them I would never help Frankie and I would rather die than spend another second with her. I told them not to bother me with that shit again and I left the chat and blocked Ricky’s number (can’t legally block my mom’s because of the court stuff).
My mom and Ricky have texted me from mom’s phone asking me to reconsider and saying I need to move forward and try to work on the family stuff.
And yeah, like my title says they want me to do it for free. Or as mom said for “bonus points with the parents”. Papa bear came out when I told my dad what they’d asked me. He’s so pissed.
But I know that digging my heels in might be sorta petty and show an unwillingness to see if Frankie has/will/could change in the future. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with the long-term emotional damage caused by severe bullying from a stepsister, which their mother minimized and accepted as a necessary hurdle for family unity. Despite the mother’s efforts to force reconciliation by demanding free tutoring for the former bully, the OP remains unwilling to engage, prioritizing their own past trauma over the imposed family narrative.
Given the history of physical danger and emotional neglect by the mother, is the OP justified in flatly refusing to help their former abuser, or is their refusal an unfair roadblock to the family’s desire for reconciliation and Frankie’s academic future?
Here’s how people reacted:
Dearest Ex-mother and her most recent husband,
I have, with my father’s and the court’s assistance, finally escaped the reach of my abuser. I will not allow my abuser’s father nor his current or future wife to bully me into spending even a minute more of my life in that demon’s presence.
It is my hope that one day I will comprehend why my former mother chose my abuser over me. Please do not contact me again. You will not be in my life. You will not attend my graduations, my engagement or wedding. You will not meet my children. This is not a punishment. This is to protect myself and my family from those who have shown a consistent disregard for my well-being. If you continue to contact me, I will get a restraining order for my 18th birthday.
Your mom and her husband are totally out of line to be requesting that you help her. I wouldn’t expect Frankie to appreciate it if you did. She is mean, malicious and was never held accountable.
Could you petition the courts and request no contact with her and the rest of that awful family. Can you press charges against Frankie?
I can’t believe your mother and Rickie would think”bonus points” would be any incentive to you. Not only are they mean and abusive, they really don’t seem very bright.
Your mother failed you for not protecting you and posing Ricky and Frankie over you.
You owe her and Frankie NOTHING.
I assume you’ll block your mum when you turn 18. Sucks to suck.
If you are close to 18, since the courts will take some time I bet you could block her earlier than that (that is not legal advice).
I’m glad your dad protected you, I’m sorry your mum failed you.
Send your mother a list of your tutoring fees.
$25 per hour to assist people who need help.
$75 per hour to assist abusers who need help.
Tell her that you want payment in advance and her stepdaughter needs to come to YOUR home and be tutored ONLY during the hours that your father is at home because he is the only parent you have that actually gives a crap about you.
I doubt she will take it any further.
This to happen
Tell your mom you asked dad this.