When she laughed at his strength and mocked his ability to carry her like the man on the screen, it wasn’t just a joke—it was a blow that revealed the fragile imbalance in their respect for each other. His quiet defiance sparked a storm, exposing the deep wounds hidden beneath their everyday words.
So, I’m a slim guy, always have been. I’m 6′ and with 165lbs. I workout and am strong, and muscular. Anyways, when I met my wife she was slim. After two kids she gained weight, which is understandable.
Anyways, she always says shit about my stature. That I need to gain weight etc. But last night, I was flexing in the mirror, and she basically laughed at me. I said something, and she was like, you know I’m only joking with you.
But it just gets old.
So anyway, we were watching some reality show, and a man was carrying his woman around like a bride. And she looked at me and said: you couldn’t carry me around like that and kind of laughed.
I was already kinda pissed from what she said earlier, and I said “I could carry her around like that” then I laughed and walked away.
Anyways she’s fucking pissed at me. So I guess it’s ok to talk shit about a man who is naturally slim, who eats healthy and works out, but it’s totally unacceptable to say something about a woman that does none of those things.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels hurt and disrespected because his wife frequently criticizes his physique, suggesting he needs to gain weight, while simultaneously reacting angrily when he makes a similar, though provoked, comment about her ability to be carried like on television. The central conflict lies in the OP feeling that his wife demands respect for her body image while actively undermining his self-perception through repeated comments and laughter about his build.
Was the OP justified in responding to his wife’s persistent teasing with a retaliatory comment about her fitness level, or did this action escalate an already tense situation unnecessarily? The debate centers on whether continuous criticism justifies a defensive, reciprocal jab, or if maintaining respectful dialogue is paramount regardless of provocation.
Here’s how people reacted:
So I said “well maybe we can either take a layer off or maybe if we have something heavy. We can try to mold it by putting something heavy on it and maybe it’ll shrink a little and change shape”
Mother – “it’s too bad you are not morbidly obese anymore. Otherwise I would ask you to sit on it”. Parents just about fell off their chairs laughing. My husband doesn’t speak my language and didn’t understand what they said naturally he asked what a joke was when I told him what it was he just sat there very very confused.
I know I can’t go after my mother and I wouldn’t but if you asked me, yes over the years she has been putting more and more weight.
she’s not obese or overweight, but she’s a little overweight. Her shape has changed.
had I said something of equal weight to her then the world have come chasing after me on a witch hunt.
I see a parallel here. I think that my had gotten used to not being the biggest person in the room. That was always me. People counted on that at every family gathering.
Well, now that I lost have of my weight, it seems like people frantically look around to see who’s gonna take my place.
Anyway, NTA.
It would have been better to just have a heart to heart with her about her joking about your physique. An adult conversation rather than shooting back at her would more likely bring you closer together.
Fat mothers are a relatively new thing, over the last few decades. Prior to that new mothers actually worked at regaining their figures. At school pick up time there might be only 1 or 2 fat ones. Now it’s hard to see a slim one.
Your wife thinks it just fine to make comments about your physique. Fair is fair. You are more than entitled to comment on hers. Maybe she’ll get off her fat butt & start to make an effort, as you do, to stay attractive & healthy.
Now, I think marriage counseling would be a good idea. I think it goes deeper than just bad comments to each other.
Years ago I got a joke weighing scale that looked similar to our regular weighing scale.. so I swapped them out..
The astounding cry of horror, as I’d forgotten I did it as I got busy with something.. when I went to see what was up..
The fucking weighing scale… I stepped on it and it read.. “To be continue” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
So you may want to have a conversation with her, I don’t think it will make any difference, but at least you tried. Then you can decide how to move forward.
Seems like you wouldn’t have gone there if she was repeatedly ribbing you and making fun of you.
Good luck.
Perhaps it time for a true heart to heart about how disrespectful she talks to you and how it needs to stop or you’ll start matching energy.
Good luck with that. Hope it makes you happy.
You both need to stop it.