Caught between medical advice and family beliefs, she and her partner navigate a delicate path, hoping to shield their child without fracturing the bonds they hold dear. In this quiet struggle, the heart’s yearning for safety clashes with the hope for harmony.
I’m due in January, a high flu month. I realize our baby will receive some antibodies from me, but I don’t have the best immune system. We asked our immediate family members to get the flu shot, as recommendation from our hospital and doctor.
Everyone agreed except my MIL. She said she never gets the flu and babies are born with full immunity so we shouldn’t worry.
My significant other and I are just trying to do what we think is best for our child, but I don’t want to cause any upset feeling or drama in the family.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant anxiety regarding the health of their newborn, prioritizing preventative medical measures recommended by professionals, specifically concerning flu vaccination among close contacts. This places them in direct conflict with the mother-in-law (MIL), who dismisses these medical recommendations based on personal belief and perceived immunity, creating tension between the OP’s desire to protect their child and the wish to maintain family peace.
Given the conflicting priorities of expert medical advice versus familial harmony and individual autonomy, the central question remains: To what extent should new parents enforce medical safeguards on close family members, even if those requests cause interpersonal friction, and is the MIL’s refusal justifiable when balanced against the documented risks to a vulnerable newborn?
Here’s how people reacted:
I would phrase it something like this, in a mass email or facebook post (so as not to call her out directly, which will inevitably lead to defensiveness), “Hey everyone! As you all know, our baby is due on \[date\], which is a high flu month! As such, \[partner\] and I have decided that we won’t be having people without flu shots meet baby until after he/she is \[x number of weeks, I think a benchmark is \~6 but that’s up to your discretion\] weeks old. We know everyone wants our baby to be happy and healthy, and this is the best way to insure he/she doesn’t get sick at a vulnerable time!”
That’s almost verbatim what I did, and while people bitched about it behind my back, I didn’t have to deal with it directly. Good luck!
Ask your doctor if it would be safe for your baby if your MIL donned PPE (gloves, mask, gown) when she visits baby in the hospital to prevent the spread of any potential flu-causing bacteria even if she doesn’t show any symptoms. Your MIL seems misguided in her information, and it’s ultimately your decision. NAH.
I’m due in October with kid nr 4 and have already told friends and family they aren’t welcome unless fully vaccinated. This is not an unreasonable request, and in fact most doctors would recommend it.
Stand your ground, OP.
Also, YOU aren’t causing any drama. You are making a reasonable request and she’s whining about it.
Signed,
The DIL of a terrible MIL
NTA this is the stupidest thing I have read all week. We are all dumber for having read it. Protect your kid at all costs, it doesn’t matter about family drama.
“I am following my doctors orders. Anyone who does not follow the doctors orders will not see the baby. End. Of. Story.”