Yet, beneath this calm exterior lies a growing weight of expectation. The promise of freedom tied up in the responsibility to ferry her siblings through long, tiresome drives, turning moments meant for herself into obligations she never asked for. The road ahead seems less like an open path and more like a tether, pulling her away from the life she’s quietly trying to shape.
So I am 17 years old and I got my license about a year ago by now. I didn’t get it because I needed or wanted to drive anywhere, we live in the middle of town, my school is a 2 minute walk, job a 5 minute walk, most of my hobbies like the gym are within 10 minutes and almost all my friends live within a 20 minute walking distance.
I only got it because it is good to have if that makes sense you know emergencies and when I move out and get a job so need my own car.
My parents have been asking me when I am buying a car all year long, they anticipated I would buy one so I could take over duties like driving my siblings places, picking them up from school(They go to a fancy primary school 45 minutes outside of town) and do stuff like pick up food, you know the deal.
Honestly it has all just made me not want a car even more, the prospect of walking out of school and instead of doing homework, hanging with friends, going to work etc, I get to drive 45 minutes to pick up my siblings and spend 45 minutes driving home with them screaming in my ears and follow that up by taking them to practice, no thank you.
So I turned 17 a month ago and I didn’t get anything apart from the promise of a “Big surprise” from my parents. I figured they must be broke because of everything going on so I obviously didn’t make a big deal.
I was wrong, they had been putting money aside all year to let me pick out a car and today they revealed it to me and I just said mostly out of shock “No thanks, I’d rather just get a new monitor or something.” Dad absolutely lost his shit calling me ungrateful and mom just seemed extremely disapointed.
I get most guys my age dream about getting a car especially a brand new one, but for me it’s just not worth it at all. Getting a car is pretty worthless to me and just means getting a crapton of extra chores so I end up having even less free time and I already barely have any.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant conflict because their desire for personal freedom and time clashes directly with their parents’ expectations regarding a gifted car and associated responsibilities. While the parents invested considerable effort and resources into providing a major gift, the OP views the car as a burden that would eliminate their free time by adding substantial chauffeur duties for their younger siblings.
When a significant gift, intended to be helpful, is met with outright refusal, where does parental expectation end and the teenager’s right to self-determination begin? Is the OP justified in prioritizing their existing schedule and minimal need for driving over accepting a costly gift that comes with mandatory family labor?
Here’s how people reacted:
Having a car does involve quite a bit of extra work and bills. Not an unreasonable amount, but it’s good to be aware of this either way. I don’t have one, but my parents have cars and they’ve taught me about the sorts of things you need to do when you have one. It has to have insurance, the registration has to be up to date, you’ve got to change the oil regularly, if you live in a cold place you need winter tires, and gas costs money. Not to mention if something breaks and needs to be fixed. Basically there’s a bunch of maintenance that goes into having a car in addition to the upfront cost. I don’t know how much your parents would be willing to help with these things, but it doesn’t bode well for me that they’re expecting you to get a car so you can help them with chores. Just saying.
EDIT: For everyone commenting on my starting this with saying “be grateful,” saying this is placing a burden on OP, it’s still a very nice and expensive gift even if it requires a lot of maintenance. And it is much more practical than, say, a lawnmower (which someone else compared this to) – you can drive around and get to places much faster than walking. It does seem like OP’s parents were hoping that OP would be as excited as them. I’m not going to assume OP’s parents’ motives (and this is partially why I’m suggesting that being grateful would be useful), but I’d be careful of the various possible strings attached.
I think you also seem to look at contributing to your family household as completely optional, and given the choice of helping your family or not helping your family, you’d prefer not helping. That’s understandable, but it’s also selfish and immature. I don’t know how you contribute in other ways, or what your parents expect of you, but I hope you aren’t this unhelpful all around.
As for not wanting a car, your attitude seems increasingly common among young people, from my very limited observations. When people don’t have a regular job to get to, they seem more pragmatic about whether a car makes sense now. Online shopping has replaced a lot of need for going to stores, and the convenience of Uber and competitors offers a viable alternative to driving. If you’re talking about a few short outings per week, ride-hailing services compare very favorably to the cost of car payments, depreciation, insurance, maintenance, and gas. Forgoing a car seems like a sensible decision.
I get so tired of people ‘be grateful’. I am sure your parents know you don’t want a car, so they went out and got you a car. Why would you be grateful?
It’s not ungrateful to not want something.
Honestly, when I give gifts this is why I want to know what the other person wants so this doesn’t happen. I understand getting a gift you don’t want. Saying, hey no thanks if you’re going to get me something I’d rather have a monitor is fine. 🤷♀️ especially since the car has not been bought. And they can say no it’s car or nothing and you can choose nothing.
Giving a gift to benefit yourself is selfish. Your parents are selfish. And anyone saying you should contribute more irritates me. His siblings are not his responsibility. He didn’t enroll them in a school 45 minuets away.
Be grateful for parents trying to give you something expensive that will expand your horizons, take on more responsibility and generally open a lot more option for you in the future in terms of work or school or experiences.
I just don’t get these comments too.
Have all concepts of family and everyone pulling more weight in the home as they get older and are more able to help out just eroded? Parents aren’t just there to house and feed and educate kids and kids aren’t there just to suck up resources until they don’t need their parents anymore.
I’m honestly shocked that so many comments on here make it seem like helping around the house and lightening the load of the parents and spending time helping your siblings seems like it’s such a negative thing.
Secondly, you will be graduating soon and you do not know where you will end up. You may need a car for a job etc.
Thirdly, how are you going to pick up and drop off your dates without a car? Girls that age do not want to dink on your bike in heels. And no decent person ever got to third base on the bus.
I am just wondering whether you have really thought this through…
Birthday presents are supposed to be gifts \*that the person wants\*. You don’t want this. Yes, most people would, but you have set out cogent reasons why this will create a job and obligations on you, not be a benefit. No doubt that your parents are disappointed, because they thought that this would relieve them of some of the driving burden. Not to be harsh, but they created the situation that necessitated all this driving, and they are responsible for fulfilling that role.
Well done, you’ve Assassins Creeded your way around the trap.
My suggestion: First if all, BE GRATEFUL that they are doing this for you. But tell them that you want to wait to get a car until college because you aren’t ready yet and want to focus on school right now. Basically….defer the gift. Accept it, but defer it for later.
Your Parents – “You don’t need a car, but we got you one because we’re tired of driving 90 minutes twice a day to your siblings’ school and we thought you could pick up our slack.”
You – “No thanks.”
Your Parents – “How dare you be ungrateful for the gift we bought you with ulterior motives?!”
I honestly think it’s very responsible of you to not just accept such an expensive gift and responsibility.
Maybe talk to your parent again that you’re suuuper gratefull, but explain what you said here that you don’t really need a car right now, which is why you suggested something else.
Also, they gave you nothing on your actual birthday, gave no indication you were getting anything. The moment has passed.