As the baby’s piercing cries echoed through the phone, the mother’s instincts ignited a fierce resolve to protect her child at all costs. Ignoring the grandmother’s reckless reassurances, she took swift action, embodying the fierce love and determination that only a parent can summon when a child’s life hangs in the balance.
My husband’s paternal grandmother has an “oh don’t worry, everything will work out fine” mentality. I didn’t think it extended to the safety of newborn babies though, or I never would’ve let her babysit my 3mo son, even for just 3 hours.
About a week and a half ago while she was babysitting, I got a call from her saying my son had “a bit of a tumble”.
I heard my son screaming in the background and my instincts said something was extremely wrong, so I said to get off the phone with me and call an ambulance, then call me back and tell me what happened once the ambulance was on the way.
She started handwaving it with “I don’t think we need to bother with an ambulance, babies are tougher than they look you know, basically made of rubber.”
When I said he sounded like he was hurt she admitted it was on his head. I hung up and called the ambulance myself because I wasn’t about to sit there and waste time trying to convince this idiot that a head injury on a 3mo baby is a serious thing.
My absolute hero of a boss drove me to the hospital because I was in no state to drive, and I needed to be on the phone to notify my husband and then get the full story from his grandmother.
It turns out she not only dropped my son, she dropped him while walking down the stairs, so he fell onto the second from bottom step and hit his head on the third from bottom step.
She then wasted time calling her son, who told her she should probably call me or my husband.
At the hospital she kept being dismissive, saying I was overreacting and my son would be fine, until I made her leave. As it turns out, my son has a minor fracture in his skull, which will heal on its own, though it will take a couple of months.
The doctor said a fall like that could have easily caused a life threatening brain injury, and my husband’s grandmother hesitating to call an ambulance absolutely could have increased his risk of serious disability or death.
I was furious with her, but I felt she should know my son was ok so I called her, but when she answered me call with “what did I tell you, he’s fine, isn’t he?” Her condescending tone and blasé attitude to my son’s safety pissed me off, so I said “actually we’re still not sure if he’s going to make it.” Then the apologies and the guilt and the distress came out.
My husband called her later to tell her my son would be fine. My husband’s father and grandmother are really mad, they think it was a dirty trick to lie to an old lady about her great grandson’s injury, but my husband and I maintain that she deserved to feel bad about what happened to my son, and she obviously wasn’t until she thought his life was in danger.
I for one will never let her near my son again, but I hope she’ll now be more careful about the safety of any other children she has care over.
Conclusion
The original poster experienced extreme distress when their infant son suffered a serious head injury while in the care of the paternal grandmother. The central conflict lies between the OP’s justified concern for their child’s immediate medical safety, which required urgent intervention, and the grandmother’s dismissive attitude and subsequent family backlash against the OP for allegedly lying about the severity of the injury.
Given the life-threatening nature of the incident and the grandmother’s initial failure to seek appropriate medical help, was the OP justified in lying about the severity of the injury to ensure the grandmother understood the gravity of her actions, or did this action cross an ethical line in family relations?
Here’s how people reacted:
It’s pretty typical for “incompetent (‘shaky’) older family members who should *not* be trusted to *hold* a baby, let alone *babysit* one” to *aggressively* ***insist*** on doing so because they just “love babies so much”, and for family members to have trouble saying *no* (possibly because they don’t realize how much that person is *slipping*). I have to wonder if that played a role here. Her actions *after* the fall were stupid, reckless, and dangerous… but people don’t just *drop infants down the stairs*. If she is *slipping* physically and/or mentally then everyone else in the family needs to wise up, put their foot down, and “be careful” *themselves* instead counting on someone who just can’t make those decisions anymore.
Second: she dropped him DOWN the stairs and then tried to downplay it instead of getting help immediately?!?
She knew exactly what she did, she was just afraid of the consequences.
This woman wouldn’t be seeing my kids anytime soon and then she wouldn’t be allowed to be alone with them or be allowed to hold them.
Maybe the doctor should sit your husband down and talk to him about what could have happened.
Also I don’t know how something like this is handled where you are from, here police and/or what’s our CPS would start an investigation as accidents with head injuries in babies are taken rather serious.
Hope your little one heals up quickly. I’m sure you are showering him in all the hugs and kisses you can possibly give him.
N. T. A.
Not remotely. Had this gone any differently what you said would probably have not been a lie. Your MIL needed a bodycheck back into reality, and you provided it to her. Her dismissive attitude toward your child’s injuries could have lead to a lot more, including negligence charges, I’m sure.
Nope, NTA, in anyway. You did what was needed.
>The doctor said a fall like that could have easily caused a life threatening brain injury, and my husband’s grandmother hesitating to call an ambulance absolutely could have increased his risk of serious disability or death.
But I would have responded to her with this. “He’s only okay because I called the ambulance myself.”
When she asked “what did I tell you, he’s fine, isn’t he?” you should have said something to the effect of, “No; he has a skull fracture, but the doctors are optimistic that he’ll recover fully.”
That would have the benefit of being true, while it would have still frightened her and made her feel bad enough. Since you lied, she now gets to play the injured party.
Maybe if she had reacted appropriately and not blown it off, then it would be different. But she acted like it was no big deal to drop a baby…while on the steps. W. T. F?!!!
I wouldn’t let her near my kid again either. She deserved what she got. I’m so glad your little one is okay.
I’m so glad you’re baby will be alright. But you lost the higher ground and family and friends will take sides.
Actually, I don’t think you really lied/exaggerated that bad. I’m a nurse and you can’t be too sure with head injuries with a baby or child. A lot can happen in the first 72 hours and there’s never any guarantee. How terrifying that must’ve been for you!
If she was the parent she’d be investigated for neglect (I say this as a doctor).
She is scarily blasé and absolutely should not be left unattended around children.
“Skull fracture” was significant enough to get your point across. You didn’t even need to lie.