Amid the chaos of moving, relentless work pressures, and the isolating weight of single motherhood, she clings to the fragile hope of family and festive warmth. Christmas approaches like a distant beacon, promising a brief respite and the comforting presence of her parents and brother—a small island of support in a storm of relentless struggle.
Due to a bunch of soap opera level bullshit I (26f) am raising 2 babies (a boy and a girl) who were born within 2 months of each other, and only one of them is biologically mine. My ex husband is the father of both, and he stuck around long enough to give me custody before he fucked off to be irresponsible somewhere else.
The babies are 6 and 8 months old. Despite the aforementioned bullshit, I love them both with all my heart. However, taking care of 2 kids alone is going about as well as you’d expect.
I’m tired, I’m stressed, and despite being on maternity leave until the new year, I’m still getting emails/texts from coworkers asking me questions, plus I had to move to a new place 4 months ago with 2 newborns in tow, again entirely alone because I didn’t want to break isolation.
Anyway, Christmas is coming up, and it’s my turn to host this year. I was very hesitant at first, and even refused, but they convinced me on some conditions. It’s just my parents, and my brother, and that’s it (no +1, no extended family).
Everyone is taking precautions, which began at the start of this month, and if they so much as sniffle I reserve the right to kick them out, Christmas day be damned.
Mum came over today to bring me some items for Christmas. Nothing ridiculous, just a tablecloth, some of the food that will keep for a week, and some candles. She told me she was on her way, and I responded to say that the kids are asleep, which I stressed was a big thing because they NEVER sleep at the same time, so she needs to be almost inhumanly quiet, and she said that was fine.
I got the door, let her in, started to put stuff away, and she asked to use the bathroom. I said sure and reminded her where it was, and off she went. Within a minute I hear both babies crying.
I leg it upstairs and mum is stood there looking guilty as sin. I gesture for her to leave the room, which she does, and put the 8 month old back to sleep, but can’t do the same for the 6 month old, so I take her downstairs, and mum is still there.
Mum begins to apologise saying she just wanted to hold them as she’s never actually met them. I say that’s fine, but she’s just made me realise what a spectacularly bad idea hosting Christmas is, or having visitors in general, and gave her the stuff back and saw her out.
This has caused a whole shitshow. My family are saying I have to reconsider hosting Christmas, saying it’s inconsiderate of me to change plans at such short notice seeing as they’ve changed their work schedules in order to isolate and that my parents can’t host on such short notice.
I’ve told them to figure it out. They then asked that I come to Christmas at their place and I’ve refused, and they’re saying that’s also unreasonable and calling me an arsehole.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing immense stress while single-handedly raising two very young children under difficult circumstances. Her decision to rescind the agreement to host Christmas was a direct response to a boundary violation by her mother, which confirmed her fears about managing visitors while caring for infants. Her family is now pressuring her to reverse her decision, accusing her of being unreasonable for prioritizing her immediate, delicate household needs over their previously made arrangements.
Given the OP’s clear need for a safe, quiet environment for her babies versus the family’s expectation of maintaining the established holiday plans, the central question is: Does the OP have the right to unilaterally cancel hosting duties immediately after a safety boundary is crossed, or does her prior commitment outweigh the sudden re-emergence of her legitimate concerns about managing her household during a stressful time?
Here’s how people reacted:
I think cancelling Christmas and refusing to go over to their house for it is a bit extreme. It sounds like you’re very overwhelmed and this reaction was a result of that. You have every right to be overwhelmed, thats a lot! I think saying “hey look, I can’t do it all this year, someone else needs to host but I can bring deviled eggs” (or whatever, Im just thinking of something easy that can keep). I 100% support not hosting Christmas… you have way too much on your plate to have to worry about that! I’m pretty irritated that your family would even suggest that. I, as someone who does not have children, even know that that’s too much to put on someone. Your parents need to just step up and host it, without complaining. I would, however, recommend attending. Take something over thats easy for you to prepare, walk in the door, hand each baby to someone to hold, and just take a deep breath….. cause you’ve earned it!
I think I’d be pissed at my mom, but I didn’t really get a vibe from your post that she was TRYING to be disrespectful, just absentminded. Honestly, haha, I’d just be like “dude you woke them up, have fun putting them back down” just to prove the point. Obviously you’ll have to do it, but she clearly wasn’t thinking through her plan.
I mean the decision is up to you, and I do completely understand just taking a break from the festivities this year, but I also think you should consider going…. just not hosting!! 🙂
It’s just sleep. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.
I say this as someone whose 2yo stopped napping when her twins were born. And whose twins didn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes (day) and 60 minutes (night) for 7.5 months. And whose 1yo twins are cutting molars so their single daily nap hasn’t been longer than an hour in weeks and nighttime sleep is horrid even with pain meds. (And we moved when they were infants, and my SO often works 80 hour weeks, and so on…all to say I get it.)
Yeah, it sucks, but…it’s one nap, dude. Don’t torch a whole holiday.
Btw you first become infectious approx two days before you start having symptoms. So before they know it, one person can infect the whole family. The “but I’m not sick” shit is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard like motherfucker do you read?
While for the babies it would be best for you to host them since it’ll be in their natural area, I don’t think mentally it’ll be good for you. Your too stressed to be able to handle it properly. Your mother needs to step up and help.
I also think what your mother did was wrong. Yes she wanted to see the kiddos but come on they were asleep. Babies don’t sleep for very long so she could have planted her but on the couch and waited an hour or so and got to hold, maybe even feed a baby.
As for Xmas, how is it they justified pressuring a single mother of two babies to host? If they want a nice Xmas get together then they can arrange one themselves, you have far better things to do.
That being said, you’ve been doing this alone for how long? Is there anyone in your circle, family friend or even a friendly neighbor it coworker, who can step in and give you a break? Burn out is real. You are super woman for doing it alone all this time, but don’t forget that you need care of your own. I know the pandemic of it so makes it harder though.
Your mom is an asshole. Who wakes a baby? NTA. You have way too much going on and clearly people aren’t understanding your situation. Not to mention the stress of it all, throwing off their schedules, and oh yea, that pesky pandemic thing.
As an aside, the world needs more people like you. I’m in awe that you stepped up for the baby. You are good people. That baby is lucky as hell to have you.
You’re raising 2 babies, alone. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to host anything!
Just a question though: You don’t want to host, but you also don’t want to go to their place. What exactly is it that you want? If you don’t want to spend Christmas with them at all, maybe you should say so directly.
Mom should be part of a Christmas. It’s in the best interest of the children and think of the pictures they will be able to look back to
This is completely ridiculous. They should be caring for YOU, and doing all the hosting.
NTA
You enjoy Christmas in your own place.