Her pleas for understanding fall on deaf ears, met with excuses that twist kindness into selfishness. The weight of exhaustion is used to justify taking what isn’t hers, leaving her feeling powerless and unheard. In this delicate dance of cohabitation, the lines blur, and the question remains: how do you protect your space and dignity when those closest to you disregard both?
I (19F) am a university student living with two roommates (19F & 25F). My roommate, the 25-year-old, has been consistently eating the food I meal prep on Mondays for Tuesday through Friday, despite my long schedule that keeps me out of the house until 7 pm.
If I prep for the week, the food is gone by Wednesday night, leaving me nothing for Thursday and Friday.
When confronted, her excuse was that she is too tired from work to cook and believes the food would go to waste, claiming she is doing both of us a favor. My other roommate has experienced similar issues with her fruit being eaten under the same pretense.
We are first-year students and unsure how to manage this situation.
Living with this behavior is draining. The older roommate has weaponized the fact that my parents pay my rent and food, arguing that it doesn’t affect me as much as it affects her financially struggling situation.
While I feel empathy for her, I am helpless regarding my own food.
Recently, she became petty by leaving my Tupperware in the sink and insisting I wash it as it was technically my dish. In response, I installed fridge lock boxes requiring a code. I felt this went against my core values of respect, but I felt taken advantage of.
Since installing the locks, she has called me a “bitch,” given both me and the other roommate the silent treatment, made snide remarks like “greedy,” and publicly joked about the food being “in jail” when her friends visit.
Now I question if I was overly stingy and greedy for installing the locks.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced repeated theft of their pre-prepared meals by an older roommate who rationalized the actions based on the OP’s financial support and the perceived need to prevent food waste. This culminated in the OP installing personal food locks out of necessity, leading to severe retaliatory behavior, including insults and social exclusion from the roommate.
Given the conflict between the OP’s need to protect their property and the roommate’s feeling of entitlement and subsequent anger, the core question remains: Is taking defensive measures to secure personal property against a repeat offender a justifiable act of boundary setting, or does the dependent financial status of the OP make such actions inherently selfish and inappropriate in a shared living situation?
Here’s how people reacted:
One shirt: Petty Bich… 2nd: Greedy Bich… 3rd: Food Jailer. 4th: silence is golden
Seriously, though… she is stealing. She’s a thief. Plain and simple…but she is narcissistic enough to think she’s entitled to take whatever she wants and thinks YOU should feel bad for stopping her.
I bet if you and your other roommate would walk into her room and take things, that she would have a fit, even though the actions are exactly the same: items being taken that do not belong to the taker, without permission.
You won’t ‘win’ with someone like this…no talking to them, reasoning, explaining…they don’t care. All they understand is getting what they want.
Stand your ground. Don’t give an inch. Advise her to move out if it’s too much for her to live with, but you will not subsidize her life.
NTA
You could do two things.
One is to ask her, if she would like you to show her how to meal prep. Tell her it would help her have food ready with her schedule AND more importantly, prepping saves money. Get a meal prepping cookbook from the library for budget prepping. Offer to buy large bags of rice or beans e.g. to split with her to minimize cost.
Second, tell her in front of her friends that neither you nor your parents are responsible for her keep. You won’t pay for her food or her housing or her other cost of living. If she needs a Sugar Daddy, she is free to marry one, but you are not her SD and she will not succeed in making you.
Don’t let her bully you bevause that is what she is doing. Communicate clearly how she makes you feel of you think you can solve it through talking and maybe offer her to show her how to meal prep and do it togehter.
Instead of cash, they are stealing the food you paid for, and the time you took to prepare the meals. (people always forget the time in the equation of whats being stolen).
When they comment about “the food is in jail” reply with “your food isn’t, just my stuff you were stealing”.
When she makes comments about the food in front of her friends, don’t be quiet. Tell them “The food is in jail because roomie keeps fucking stealing it. It isn’t her food to give to you, or to eat herself.”
I would get a 5cu ft fridge,for in my room, install locks on it, prep your meals, store them in YOUR refrigerator, but….. prep an extra one with special overly spicy ingredients, and leave it in the regular refrigerator. With a note , if this is not yours, do not eat. Make popcorn , and wait. You can probably wait in your room….you will hear the dismay.
I’d inform the landlord she’s stealing your food op. It’s not your fault nor your problem she is too tired to cook. Your food/fruit is not a free for all and your parents are working as well for that money.
She’s a huge ah and thief.
And I’d reply when she makes those remarks : yes the food is locked up because people are stealing and have no shame
Money doesn’t grow on trees. What you have and provide for yourself needs to last not have somebody else devour it while you’re not looking and then make crappy reasons for it
First thought is if there was a possibility to find a replacement roommate to bounce the troublemaker
Food thieves are the scum of the earth
I have a mini-freezer because I prep in advance, and also in case my partner doesn’t like my dinner experiments.
They still ask before grabbing one
NTA
She’s just mad she can’t steal from you anymore. Honestly? What a loser.
UpdateMe
She is a manipulative bully and thief.
Locking your shit up is the best way to prevent theft.