Caught between family loyalty and the painful reality of his daughter’s sensory struggles, he faces a heartbreaking choice: to protect Molly’s comfort and identity or to conform to societal norms that feel alien and cruel. This is a story of love, sacrifice, and the fierce determination to be seen and accepted just as they are.
I honestly can’t believe this situation has come to this, and I really need some outsider perspective. I’m a 35yr old man, and I was two beautiful daughters, Lucy (7) and Molly (16).
I adopted them both and have raised them by myself for their entire lives. I also have a sister, Julie (33F) who is getting married in two months to Paul (35M).
Both Julie and Paul are lower middle class and have been saving for years for their very expensive dream wedding. Even with all the prep, they’re about $14,000 short. I own a law firm and am doing quite well, so I offered to help cover the remaining cost.
The trouble arose last week when Julie and I took Molly and Lucy dress shopping. She picked out a short sleeved, just above the knee dress for Molly. It looked beautiful on her, and everything was fine until Julie said that Molly would have to shave.
Molly is autistic and generally has Low Support Needs, but sensory issues are a big one for her. She doesn’t shave any body hair at all because the of the feeling (which is 100% okay in my book, her body her choice).
So when Julie said this, I told her no, that Molly would not do that and she could either pick a longer dress or let her be. Julie got heated and we left without purchasing anything.
The next day, Julie asked if I had thought about how foolish I was being and Molly needed to learn to suck it up, that nobody wanted to see that blah blah blah. Things escalated again, and she ended up uninviting us.
I told her that was fine, it was her wedding.
I hadn’t heard from her until today, when she called to ask me when they could discuss what I would be paying for and when. I asked if she was joking, and told her because she uninvited us, I wouldn’t be paying a cent.
She started to freak out, first getting angry and then began to cry over the phone. I hung up on her.
She apparently called our mom, aunts, and grandparents and told them I was ruining her wedding. Now I’m getting calls about how cruel and heartless I am, and that I’m not entitled to have my kids at the wedding.
Especially from my mom, who reminded me that this Julie’s big day and she’s been dreaming about it since she was little. Some people think I should just pay even if we can’t go, while others say that Molly needs to grow up and get over it.
I think someone who can’t accept my daughter doesn’t deserve my money. So AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) found himself in a major conflict after offering financial support for his sister’s wedding. The central disagreement involved his autistic daughter, Molly, and a demand from the sister (Julie) that Molly shave her legs for the event. When the OP defended his daughter’s sensory needs and refusal to shave, Julie reacted by rescinding the wedding invitation, which the OP then used as justification to withdraw his promised financial contribution.
The core debate centers on whether the OP was justified in withdrawing funding due to the uninvitation, or if he should have honored his financial commitment regardless of the family fallout. Should the financial obligation be seen as separate from the personal slight, or does withdrawing the invitation void the agreement entirely when accommodating a child’s disability needs is at stake?
Here’s how people reacted:
Please set up a trust/will that will never have these people in charge of caring for her if something happens to you because now you know they’ll do more Damage to her then good if it suits their superficial needs.
16 years old don’t need to be body shamed. Some hair is perfectly normal. Nobody should be looking at her anyways and nobody would notice. Who the fuck goes to a wedding and think:”let me check if the children shaved their legs.” Ridiculous. It’s also ridiculous to spend a massive amount of money or go into debt for a wedding.
And yes. You are fucking right not paying! They just doesn’t deserve such a huge present.
Well done for standing up for your daughter!
I think paying 14k towards someone else’s wedding does actually entitle you to have your daughter there, especially when she was already invited
If your sisters idea of her big day is having her brother pay for it, then uninvite him and force his daughter to shave, then she can’t have that.
And if she just wanted a nice wedding, well, she kinda ruined that herself, over some dumb stuff.
Don’t get pressured into paying for this nonsense. They only want your money.
your sister is outrageously crossing the line. she has no right to dictate whether or not your daughter shaves, that is disgustingly disrespectful. to uninvite you and your daughters over this is such an overreaction it is laughable. to expect you to still pay is ridiculous and you are right to shut that down.
Also, just in case you were considering it, wedding gifts are given by guests. That is not you.
First – I have a very strict rule when someone involves other people in a disagreement. I point blank ask tell them that this conflict is absolutely none of their business and unless they want to talk about something else, have a great afternoon.
And good for you for being such a supportive dad!
Like OP said, Molly can do what she wants with her body.
Jullie could have taken the best route by choosing a long sleeved dress as you suggested.
Stick to your guns
Not even getting into the stuff with your daughter but what the hell is with your sister planning a wedding she knew she couldn’t afford in the first place?
NTA. Julie definitely is. Your mom too.
I 100 percent agree with you! No daughters=no money. If I’m only good for that screw it pay your own way.