Yet, that hope was swiftly shattered when the promise of a special day was quietly broken, replaced by a choice that left her feeling unseen and unvalued. The weight of loneliness deepened, not from the absence of grand gestures, but from the quiet unraveling of a cherished bond on a day meant to honor her.
I just turned 21 years old last month and I have spent the last few birthdays by myself due to being in college. About a month before my birthday, my mom and I are sitting in the living room when she asks me “What do you wanna do for your birthday this year?” I told her that it didn’t matter as long as I got to spend it with her, seeing as I was away at college for the last two years.
(I took a year off to help with family and to take care of my mental health) A week later, she tells me that she found a VR place that was open for my birthday and made reservations for us to go which I was ecstatic about.
She knew how much I loved VR and her making the reservation was a good thing. A few days before my birthday, she calls me from her job and tells me she canceled our reservation to go on a “date night” with her boyfriend.
When I asked her why, she said it was the only day they could get a table for the restaurant. I told her she had made a promise to spend my birthday with me and now she’s breaking it.
She then said to get over it and spend the day with my gf. (My gf works for a cruise line and is out of country until July) I ended up spending my birthday alone and made a post on social media calling my mom out for abandoning me on a milestone birthday.
My family is now divided. Half are siding with me, and the others are saying I’m selfish and I went too far making the post. I haven’t taken it down yet. So, am I the asshole here?
This is a pattern of her’s that has been going on since I was 12.
Whether it’s my birthday, a competition, or an important event of mine this always happen. I’m her only son.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt deeply let down by their mother, who canceled a promised birthday celebration for a date with her boyfriend. This action violated the OP’s expectation of spending a significant milestone birthday together, especially given past experiences of being overlooked. The resulting conflict has caused division within the family following the OP’s public social media call-out.
The core question remains whether the OP’s decision to publicly shame their mother was a justified reaction to repeated disappointment or an excessive response that further damaged family relationships. Is public accountability a necessary tool when dealing with long-standing patterns of neglect, or should such matters be handled privately, regardless of past history?
Here’s how people reacted:
Wanting to see your mom on or around your birthday is perfectly reasonable, and her canceling plans for a date is objectively shitty.
But it is your 21st birthday. Why didn’t you go out with friends? That’s what people your age do.
Your gf is out of town and your mom canceled on you.
But going to the vr place with just your mom is an odd choice for a 21st birthday. Honestly, it would be a little sad for a 16 or 17 year-old but for a 21 year-old college student, it seems really off.
That said, while I don’t think posting on social media makes you an A H it is unclear what you wanted to happen when you did that? Folks tend to look down on others who share personal info like that, and it’s unlikely it’ll make your mom change her behavior or apologize so even tho I don’t think you’re an A H for expressing your hurt and frustration you maybe have harmed yourself with this
People get away with being complete jerks because everyone else wants to be ‘polite’ and keep things private. Calling out a jerk’s bad behaviour is causing them embarrassment? Good. Family upset because it got pointed out? Too bad, so sad.
What a selfish person, if nothing had been planned in the beginning I could have “understand” but she literally planned something and cancelled it for a date ? Is her love life more important that her kids birthday ?? She better not come crying when you don’t invite her to your great life events …
Your mother broke a promise to you, and when you tried to tell her how important it was to you, she told you to get over it, like she didn’t even care how it made you feel. She prioritized her boyfriend over her child.
But don’t air your dirty laundry on social media. It’s fine to be upset, but if you’re going to confront her, do it in private.
It’s time to return that favour, don’t out energy into a relationship that you isnt even remotely close to being matched.
It also depends on what was said on the post too though
You should have been an adult and had a conversation in person with her.
Mothers day is coming up… Go see your GF mother on that day. Tell your mom a day before that you already have something. She can do something with her boyfriend.
If the truth about your actions casts you in a bad light, then the problem isn’t the truth. It’s your actions.