Her resolve was fierce, born from countless nights watching underclassmen girls being preyed upon and dismissed as mere “fresh meat.” With every invitation sent and every door opened, she built a haven where safety and camaraderie thrived, proving that college parties could be vibrant, inclusive, and free from the toxicity that once haunted her memories.
I fence in college on a co-ed team. My roommates and I, all juniors, rented a house and hosted a party for the current fencing team, their partners, and college-age friends. I specifically stated in the invite that inviting more than one guest, or anyone not from our school, required my prior approval.
I have an issue with Pete, a 26-year-old alumnus, who frequently attends college parties attempting to flirt with freshmen and sophomores. In the past, when I was an underclassman, I disliked that hosts allowed older graduates to attend, sometimes referring to new girls as ‘fresh meat.’ As a host, I decided to change this by restricting attendance to current students and their close circle.
When Pete showed up, I informed him the party was for current university students only. When he revealed he was 26, I became frustrated and told him to leave, stating firmly, “This is a COLLEGE party.
You are 26.”
Some teammates felt I was unfair because, under previous hosts who had graduated, alumni were routinely invited. They claimed this was the norm for open house parties. I argued that past invitations do not create an obligation for my party.
When they persisted, I retorted that perhaps alumni should avoid harassing ‘fresh meat’ before that ‘fresh meat’ grows up and tells them off.
I feel conflicted because, while I did not want him there, I recognize I changed a long-standing tradition simply because I am the current host.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced frustration with past party dynamics where older, graduated alumni who were no longer students frequented college parties, often making younger members uncomfortable. By setting clear boundaries and rules for the party hosted at their rented house, the OP attempted to create a more age-appropriate social environment for current students and team members. This action directly conflicted with the established, albeit unspoken, tradition upheld by some current teammates who expected the party to remain open to recent alumni, leading to disagreement over the host’s right to set guest limitations.
Was the OP justified in setting strict age and status-based guest limitations for a party hosted on their private rental property, even if it broke established club party norms, or did changing the rules unilaterally infringe upon the established social inclusion expected by some current team members?
Here’s how people reacted:
If someone is acting like a decent human being, I don’t particularly see why you’d gatekeep your party because they are an alumn and not a current student.
If someone is acting inappropriately, you can and should remove them from your party.
I think you’re trying to do the right thing here and I have no issue with that, but I don’t get why you would use the “you are 26” argument to block the dude. I think it’s counterproductive because it makes his complaints seem way more valid than they are. “I have seen you act inappropriately on previous parties and therefore I am not allowing you to attend our parties any more” is 100% honest and a valid reason.
NTA either way but you probably could have handled it better.
Half training but non competing member half coach.
There’s a group of us that are in the same position as alumni members and we are very careful of the line.
Sometimes we will go to nights out but if we do it will be the group of us at a table off to the side. It would be very rare we went to a party in someone’s house. If there’s a weekend away for an event we will rent a house together while the students will usually be in a hostel on the college’s dime.
We’ll talk to people and hang out but we won’t be picking students up.
There’s a line and people need to walk it and understand it.
And yes, you might be the host, but this is a social event and if you want to set your own personal rules you should discuss it with others. And again, it doesn’t seem like anyone else had an issue. It’s not just YOUR college party, it’s the team’s
Yes, someone that age going to college parties is a little weird. Yes by all means turn him away if he makes you uncomfortable.
But out of context, the notion that 21-22 is ‘way too young’ for 26 is absurd and off putting, you make it sound like it’s someone in their 30s.
if you’re out of college, STOP GOING TO COLLEGE PARTIES. especially if it’s been 3+ years.
nta that guy is weird
edit to add : alumni is just a weird way of saying “ yeah anyone no matter how old , anyone can come because they did this recreational sport 30 years ago “
And it sounds like you did. So…end of story I guess. You left it open to having a guest of a current member, so if alums aren’t friends with any current members, sucks to suck.
meat” lest the “fresh meat” grows up and tells them to fuck of
I love this!!! I salute you for throwing out the trash.
Since this blew up, obviously NTA.
They aren’t a student anymore. It seems predatory that he insists on coming to parties post graduation.