But beneath the warmth of this routine lies a subtle tension, exposed one evening when a friend’s offhand remark challenges the delicate balance he and his wife have built. In that moment, his silent sacrifice clashes with misguided assumptions, revealing the unspoken struggles of a man whose love is expressed through actions, not words.
I work at a nice restaurant as a cook and everyday when I get off from work I always cook dinner for my wife and our 2 kids (8M and 6F) at the restaurant before coming home.
I cook food for her and the kids at work AND on top of that I make separate dishes for each of them (what she wants and what the kids want) all that after standing on my feet all day.
We talked about it once they left because I don’t appreciate being told I’m not doing something she knows for a fact I do.
She didn’t want to apologize for it because it was all just to be a funny joke. Even after telling her about how it hurt my feelings being put down like that. My wife said she felt like she has to go along with the joke so there wouldn’t be any awkward vibes (whatever that means).
But I said fine if she can’t apologize for something that was mean just so she could laugh along with her friends then I won’t keep doing something she already claims I don’t do. For the past week I’ve only brought home dinner for our kids and she’s had to make her own food.
She’s mad that I’m refusing to feed her over what happened instead of letting it go but I can’t help but feel mad about being made fun of like that when I’m busting my ass to provide for my family and still making sure they have food on the table every evening.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels deeply hurt and unappreciated after his wife participated in a social gathering where he was publicly mocked for not contributing to home cooking, despite his significant efforts in his professional and domestic roles. The central conflict arises because the OP retaliated by ceasing to cook dinner for his wife, viewing this as a necessary boundary against disrespect, while his wife perceives his action as an unfair punishment that ignores her own fatigue.
Is the OP justified in halting his domestic labor as a response to being publicly disrespected and having his contributions minimized by his wife and her friend, or should he have accepted the comments as harmless teasing and prioritized his wife’s need for shared domestic relief over asserting his boundary?
Here’s how people reacted:
1)not standing up for himself at the time when it was happening
2)his wife told him she didn’t mean it but was trying to save face with her friend who was recently divorced and I think probably thought she’d sound like she was rubbing her friends nose in it or come off as bragging. After she explained he PURPOSELY PUNISHED HER because his ego was slightly wounded by something a lot of women assume most housekeeping chores, it’s not outlandish for someone to perceive it as such when OP explained the friend only sees the wife cooking on the weekends.
3)He’s now become the provoker, he’s perpetuating the arugment by put his one sided account on reddit for others to unfairly judge.
Heck, I brag about my hubby cooking and home canning with me all the time, and thank him for every meal he cooks. He does the same for me, and we have been doing that over fifteen years.
Beyond that, I would never expect a professional cook to do the home cooking. When I used to work in the kitchen ten hours a day the last thing I wanted to do after work or on days off was be cooking lol. During that time hubby did all the home cooking and canning, because he wanted me to have a work/home separation going on.
On the rare occasion he got teased, he defended me vociferously, said he loved getting better in the kitchen and when that job ended we would really kick ass together in the kitchen lol.
> My wife said she felt like she has to go along with the joke so there wouldn’t be any awkward vibes (whatever that means).
Your wife would rather hurt your feelings than cause ‘awkward vibes’ with her friends.
Ouch.. *ouch*.
Your response could be construed as petty, potentially, but she made her own bed and now she can lie on it.
NTA OP.
Didn’t think so.
NTA
They’re not allowed to do that to you. Nope.
NTA.
Appropriate Answer to friend ‘he cooks at the resturant which is great bc minimal clean up!’ And move on with the conversation.
That was rude af. I can completely understand you feeling undervalued and unappreciated. Maybe now she’ll realise your contribution and not just passively go along with shitty jokes.