She’s aware of what she’s doing. It’s a massive power play to renegotiate the custody order.

If she takes the kids for long enough outside her time, she might be able to claim YOU wanted this and YOU left them there and therefore SHE should get more (or full) custody. DO NOT go outside of what the court ordered – it is COURT ORDERED. It must be upheld, there’s a reason it goes through the courts.

She can fully plan out vacations and events around the time she is given by the LAW.

Try to keep all communication via text or email, for proff. And do not engage with the new husband, keep your communication with her and her alone – your court order is not with him, he has no say or power. Also, make sure he is not listed as a contact/pick up person for the school (or their doctors). They should only be communicating with you and your ex.

NTA, keep your kids safe.

Under normal circumstances, I would’ve said *’only agree if ‘making up time’ is immediately agreed upon too’*
But since they seem to be incapable of mature and reasonable communication, they can suck it, and learn to plan within the time she gets the kids.

I’d make mention of every and any inappropriate comments the douche makes, in the parenting app, as well.
He calls you names to your face, you send a message to your ex through the parenting app like ‘Just now, during x event, your partner/husband called me x (in front of the children). I ask you to stop him from doing so in the future. I really do not care what he thinks about me, but he is to keep his negative thoughts about me to himself, in front of our children.’

NTA. She knows when she’s supposed to have the kids and when she isn’t. She’s deliberately scheduling things for when you have them and trying to guilt you. Every single instance you mentioned, with the exception of Father’s Day and birthdays, can be celebrated on different days. And honestly, even those can. Father’s Day is a made up holiday, and as long as the kids do something nice for their stepdad to show their appreciation (if he’s worthy of that), it shouldn’t matter what day it happens. When we’re kids, most parents schedule birthday celebrations on weekends because of school or work even when the actual day is during the week. Nothing says she can’t do a celebration on a different day.

NTA. I can always understand a parent wanting more time with their kids. However, from what I’m gathering, it seems she is revolving all the extra needed time around her in-laws. That compiled with her husband’s open hostility towards you, it sounds like him pulling the strings. Trying to take your birthday, Father’s Day, and scheduling important events on your time is a power move. I would bring up his removal from the school to your lawyer. I’m not sure how much can be done about it but it’s always good to keep receipts on these things because I would not put it past your ex and her husband to try to alienate your children from you.

She’s extra grumpy about it because she has a child with her new husband now and they were visiting her ILs with the baby for the baby’s baptism and the kids couldn’t be there since it fell on my custody time.

So…let me get this straight. Your ex-wife decided to have her new baby’s baptism on the week when she does *not* have the custody of the children you have together. She doesn’t have the kids that week. And she knows this. Yet she still decides to do things she’d like the kids to attend…while being well aware it’s your time with the kids.

Sounds like your ex-wife just likes being a pain in the ass.

NTA

Get the lawyer involved and tell the judge they are creating an unsafe environment for the kids and that you are seeking primary custody as the guy is now threatening you. The moment you take her to court for this she will freak and use it as leverage to make sure she knows you will take them. Have your lawyer draw a TRO against her husband cause he threatened you. This will make it also he can’t be around younand the kids at the same time. Your exwife is just mad she ain’t getting things her way. Just tell her… if she wants things her way to go to Burger King..

NTA, but it’s time to work out a new custody arrangement. The kids are getting older and family dynamics have changed. The fact that you’re being a stickler is fine, but if it’s just because you’re not sure you’re going to get the time back if you give some away, you should work out an addendum to the agreement, signed off by the judge, where extra days granted are always made up in either direction and there’s a maximum number of days per year that can be exchanged. Making a new agreement avoids having this argument over and over again.

NTA But am I the only one noticing that she is trying to get him to “give” her more custody so she can use that against him in court. Seems like her end goal is you being a weekend dad so her and her new husband can go on living their “perfect family” delusion. If you allow her to take more time one your weeks she cab easily claim that she always has the kids and try to flip it on you saying you wanted her to have them more. She’s being manipulative and playing the long game.

Tell her its not fair on our kids that you want to reduce their time with their actual dad and not her husband, if she takes them from your time all that will do is upset your kids and will probably start to hate her for it. NTA kids need consistency and routine something she clearly doesn’t care about because it’s what she wants and not what’s best for the kids. Her husband her problem end of story.

NTA

Stick to the court appointed agreement and there is no need for her husband to be contacting you, also save all the messages and show your lawyer if they’re trying to get pushy or verbally abusive

She could also use having them more often to try and use it as leverage to change your custody agreement in her favour and make you pay child support etc

She can visit the in laws on her time

I love how the Ex husband always gets called a ** Pu$$¥** by the current husband.

Except you would only be a ** Pu$$¥** if you didnt want to see you children.

You stated the obvious to her – **Furfill expectations on her own time**
Surely she has a schedule to consult.

If you start allowing the extra time/changes, she will keep requesting more and more until it becomes routine.

I mean, I would normally try to work with a coparent to accommodate each others’ needs – like, you probably want to take the kid on a vacation that lasts for more than a week at some point, so it would be in your interest to work stuff like that out with her. But if she can’t be reciprocal about being flexible, then of course you need to stick to the original agreement.

NTA. A judge decided custody order, they cannot vary it for their convenience. A courtesy every now and then? Sure, it’s fine for the peace of both families. But if it becomes a demand on their part, absolutely not.

Make sure to record conversations and try to communicate mostly in writing, so you have evidence in your favor in case they try something.

NTA. Quite a lot of the issues were of her own making. Baby’s baptism do it on her own custody time. Why does she have to go visit her in-laws to get her baby baptised? Are they out of town? Why not baptise baby locally? A lot of the stuff she wants to do can be done on her own time she will have to learn to schedule things on her own time.

>and they were visiting her ILs with the baby for the baby’s baptism and the kids couldn’t be there since it fell on my custody time.

WHY would you arrange for your child’s baptism for a time when you don’t have custody? This problem is ENTIRELY self-inflicted by the ex! She has 50% custody and can’t arrange an event within her time?

Most of this sounds like bad behavior on her part but the vacations, it she wants to go for longer than a week and the kids are into it, i would let that happen so they don’t resent you. I don’t mean Regular 3 month vacations but a week and a half or even two weeks one time a year would be ok and you just use that extra time for you.

NTA – you are doing everything correctly in sticking to the court ordered custody order or 7 days with you & then 7 days with mum. Not your problem is she wants to do stuff with the kids during your time with them.

I can imagine her reaction if you tried to do similar during her time with the kids.

As a child of divorce, stop being so rigid and do what is best FOR YOUR KIDS. You keeping score over one day here and there honestly sounds like bullshit. Put your damn feelings all the way to the side and do what is best for your children. Your kids WILL remember this.

You’re not the asshole, and you shouldn’t budge. The court order exists for a reason—to create structure and fairness. People make co-parenting harder than it needs to be when they ignore boundaries. Stick to the plan and protect your peace.

No sir, your ex is the AH. You are the children’s dad and as so you come first. Say it was reversed and your new wife wanted to come first, your ex wouldn’t have it, you shouldn’t either. Stand your ground. They want you out of the picture.

So it is ok for her to come between you and your kids when it comes to your birthday and father’s day and she complains and claim you are coming between their family? Wtf nta updateme

ESH because the kids are going to suffer. Poor kids. As a dad? I would trade weeks to keep the peace but I think it has gone far past that since new husband is calling you names.

I hope she does not try and alienate you from your kids. I would not be be surprised if stepdad tries to do it. How old are your kids and how do they feel about mom and stepdad?

No, and if you are not already doing have your lawyer get it in writing that all communications are to be done thru a parenting app.

Maybe that will slow this crap down!

NTA. She is trying to set the precedent that you will give up your time therefore you don’t need as much time.

This is all for future renogiations of the custody order.

NTA you have a lawful court order, because otherwise she would exclude you and alienate you from your kids. Stick to your guns, don’t let them gaslight you

She sounds insufferable and the fact that you guys can’t work together civilly for your children will come back to bite you both in the future

Time to go back to court. I’d bring up the contract need to do things on your time and her husband approaching you in a threatening manner

Why would she want them to celebrate his birthday ? They aren’t his kids .
They are trying to erase you slowly and given the SF attitude

NTA. She knows exactly when she is going to have the kids so she can schedule things during that time, it’s pretty simple.

NTA. It’s called a Court ORDER for a reason. If she wants it changed, she has to apply to the Court, not call you names.

You need to shut down the new husband asap if he can call you that without a solid response then he won’t stop.

NTA. Deviating from the custody agreement only works when coparents are completely amicable and still friends.

NTA, but I think it’s funny that her new husband is insulting you for having a spine and a functioning brain

If she’s not willing to give you the time back then there is no discussion. She can’t have more.

He called you a p for standing your ground as he is doing his wife’s bidding. Let that sink in.

Be sure your attorney knows about the school incident. She will push this as far as she can.

NTA

You tried to be helpful once, and she took advantage

Thats why you have an agreement

Nta. She’s pushing those boundaries like a moody ass teenager