Caught in a web of empathy turned accusation, she faces the weight of another’s pain projected onto her, a painful reminder of how deeply intertwined our battles can be. Amid tears and tension, the line between compassion and blame blurs, forcing a confrontation not just with each other, but with the unspoken fears and insecurities that haunt them both.
I’m 27F, I see a doctor, nutritionists, and psychiatrist. I live mostly off of smoothies and really soft foods, but am monitoring it and have been told I’m healthy. And I feel great.
I get really sick with solid, heavy foods.
My roommate is dating a woman we’ll call Rita. Rita is overweight and always following people into the kitchen. Usually just stares at them. Everytime she sees me making a smoothie she rolls her eyes and leaves.
Today I’m making a smoothie and some apple sauce and she commented how I’m starving myself. I tell her nope I’m good and that she’s not my Dr. She then informed me that she’s gained twenty pounds because I’m triggering her emotional eating and how she feels so upset that I’m anorexic (I’m far from it) and it’s effecting her anxiety too.
I told her I’m sorry she’s upset but that it’s not my fault and she can stop following me into the kitchen and should try to get support, not hassle me.
She started crying my roommate says I should apologize and I’ve told them no. It’s not my fault she’s eating more and that she doesn’t live here and I refuse force my diet to change when she is here.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict where their established, medically supervised dietary choices are being challenged by their roommate’s partner, who claims the OP’s eating habits trigger her own emotional eating issues. The central conflict is the OP’s insistence on maintaining their health regimen against the partner’s demand that the OP modify their behavior to accommodate the partner’s feelings and eating habits.
Is the OP justified in prioritizing their documented health needs and refusing to alter their diet based on the emotional reactions of a non-resident guest, or does the social responsibility in a shared living situation require the OP to moderate their visibility to avoid causing significant distress to others?
Here’s how people reacted:
I am fat, and I have been forced onto diets before that just failed and made matters worse. Certain performative dieting actions do, in fact, trigger my binge/emotional eating. Weighing portions is a big one.
My wife, however, has to weigh and record what she eats to control the symptoms of her gall stones so she doesn’t end up in the ER.
Our solution is that I *vacate the kitchen* while she’s weighing out her food, I keep track of quantities of ingredients when cooking so she can figure out fat to calorie ratios, and she doesn’t tell me if she happens to have weighed my food.
This is because I act like an adult, and take the steps I need to in order to not end up triggered.
Rita is not being an adult, and is attempting to control *your* diet, probably so she can feel control of something. This is a nasty thing to do.
Choosing to work with your doctor and prepare meals that are nutritious for you is not “fat shaming” her. She doesn’t need to watch and judge. Her opinions don’t count.
If she doesn’t want to be triggered, she needs to stay out of the kitchen when you’re cooking. Very easy.
Your roommate sucks. I would be mortified if my SO does something like this. Maybe you can first try to have a rational discussion with the roommate, or maybe you should move out as soon as you can. If the rooming situation is made by the landlord, maybe you can consult the landlord that you are being harassed by a guest of your roommate and the roommate refuses to do anything about it. Make proper documentations. Other users may have better advises.
An easy solution for her would be to not follow you into the kitchen and watch you eat if it makes her feel triggered. It’s not reasonable for her to expect you to change your diet because it makes her feel insecure.
Your friends are only siding with her to avoid her emotional reactions which is also unfair and unreasonable.
EDIT: Thank you for the helpful, hug and silver awards! That’s so sweet of you 🙂
Please.
Edit: OF COURSE OP wouldnt be TA here. This was meant to be a sarcastic reply implying that I think this story is BS. It’s practically by-the-book trope and there have been several posts on this sub involving people in their own homes being told not to eat a certain way by someone who doesn’t live there. In every instance, the agitator is either fat or a vegan. Occasionally autistic.
AHAHAHAHHA Sorry but I just can’t help myself imagining her standing in the kitchen like the Mike Wazowski meme, and staring/judging people for their food choices.
NTA whatsoever, she has huge issues and rather than dealing with them, she wants those around her to help her not deal with her issues.
So basically she was looking for a scapegoat to blame her weight gain on, because it could not possibly have been her own doing. NTA, unless you were literally holding a gun to her head and forcing her to eat, there is no way you are responsible for her weight.
1. How long have you been on a soft-food diet?
2. How has it affected your teeth?
3. Do you have problems with chewing?
4. Is a soft-diet recommended for people who don’t have chewing problems?
5. Is food that is mashed in your mouth less “heavy” then food that is mashed in a blender?
Why is she (a houseguest) following you into the kitchen and watching what you eat? That’s creepy and obsessive.
Not your fault she is choosing to eat more and refuses to seek help for her own emotional/eating disorders.
She and your roommates are huge (pun intended) assholes.
OP replied. NTA 100%