AITA for refusing to babysit my BFs niece during my vacation?

She arrived full of hope and excitement, eager to share a rare week and a half with her boyfriend during his long work trip. The first weekend was a quiet lull, spent nursing him through sickness and patiently waiting for the moment they could finally enjoy each other’s company. But as the days unfolded, that fragile anticipation began to crack under the weight of unexpected demands.

When her boyfriend suddenly declared that she must babysit his niece all weekend, her joy turned to fury. This was her vacation, not a duty she signed up for. The sting of being sidelined from her plans, reduced to a caretaker for a stranger she barely knew, shattered the warmth she had brought with her—leaving her to question her place in this borrowed time together.

AITA for refusing to babysit my BFs niece during my vacation?

I am currently visiting my bf while he is on a long term work trip. I arrived Saturday and I’m staying for a week and a half. This first weekend was uneventful because he was feeling very sick.

I stayed in all day Saturday and helped clean up his place and paid attention to him. On Sunday he felt well enough to go out and play football for 4 1/2 hours. I watched him for the first hour before walking the city and catching a drop in pedicure.

He still has to work during the weekdays, so this morning while I was still getting ready he sent me a text saying:

“My niece is coming to stay Saturday and Sunday, I’m bringing her to football and you have to watch her, so no walking the city for you.”

I was FURIOUS. First of all, I’m on vacation. I did NOT sign up to babysit for a full weekend of this trip. I asked how old she was, since if she’s old enough to stay here by herself is she not old enough to stay by the picnic area while he plays?

He doesn’t even know how old she is, only that “she needs a guardian”

I’m also devastated because that was the only weekend where we could go out while he was off. I told him specifically months ago that I wanted to go on a certain tour with him on his day off and he’s apparently forgotten.

When I reminded him, he said we could go after work on Friday. That’s taking a full day experience and chopping it in half.

He says that since he is letting me stay for free that I could spare a day to babysit his niece while he plays football. He gets his housing paid for by his work and also IM HIS GIRLFRIEND??

Like why wouldn’t I stay for free what are you going to do, charge me hotel fees?

EDIT FOR CLARITY: By refusing to babysit his niece I am effectively forcing him to drop his activities to watch over her.

I had no prior notice of her coming while I was visiting, he waited until he left work to tell me.

I don’t know if he knew she was coming and waited to tell me or if he just found out himself.

Here’s how people reacted:

One-Writer-4376

NTA- Him mentioning me staying with him for free would have sent me off the edge. Like do I charge you for P\*\*\*\*!!??? IDK how long you’ve been together but it sounds like he doesn’t really care much about your interests. He was “sick” the days you wanted to do something but had enough strength to play football for 4.5 hrs the next day? Then casually says “no walking around for you” which is what you did while he played football. If he’s away for work and you’re visiting, why can’t he skip football to do the things you planned to do. He’s adding his niece to the mix to find a reason to keep you from roaming around. I don’t know him well enough, but it’s giving controlling from this little story.

sarpon6

He didn’t bother cleaning up after himself to prepare for a visit from his girlfriend. After losing the first day of the weekend to his illness, he chose to do something without you for 4.5 hours on the second day. Now he’s telling you that you will be babysitting for your whole second weekend.

Leave. Go home, or go elsewhere, but do not stay there. He has shown absolutely no interest in spending time with you or making you feel like he appreciates you. He doesn’t deserve your time or attention.

LizP1959

HIS niece. Not yours.

Huge red flags here, OP. He sees you as a nursemaid, house cleaner, and babysitter. Oh and a football cheerleader. He comes first and you exist only to serve him. Stay with this selfish person and you’ll have a miserable, frustrating existence. Good thing you found out before marrying.

If you’re in any doubt about this, read Zawn Villines on low-value men.

Break up now and breathe a sigh of relief!

Inevitable_Project49

NTA didn’t notice how long you’ve been together but this is a 🚩. He didn’t ask but told you. Then says you have to because he’s not charging you to stay there. Like WTF. I would book a hotel or head back home. He doesn’t know how old his niece is, is he a .moron? He can either pay you to take his niece for lunch and pedicure or figure out who’s watching the child cause it shouldn’t be you.

PrestigiousFace6756

Nta. So your first day there he doesn’t feel well and you tend to him and help clean. Next day he goes and plays football instead of doing something with you. Now you are expected to babysit while he agains plays football. Him saying he’s letting you stay for free, is horrible. I would cut my losses and go home. He sounds like a jerk.

EmceeSuzy

He is LETTING YOU STAY FOR FREE???????

You are NTA unless you stay there. It is time to go home. His football choice last weekend was ridiculous enough. This man is going so far out of his way to tell you that he thinks you’re human garbage that I’m surprised he hasn’t hired a sky writer.

Gather up your self respect and go home.

CeeceeATL

NTA – but your bf is. Tbh – sounds like he is a jerk. He does not seem to be considering your feelings – not just with babysitting, but not making you a priority on the other days as well.

Hold your ground – and if he breaks up, you may be dodging a bullet.

Updateme

Big_Owl1220

NTA- It sounds like you’ve barely spent any time together since you got there. Is that, on top of babysitting a child you don’t know, the way you want to spend your time and money? Go home. Take a vacation later that you will actually enjoy.

angel9_writes

Staying for free? You’re supposed to be his visiting GF

Makes you clean his house while ‘he’s sick”

then he goes to play football not spending any time with you

and tries to foist his niece off on you

Get rid of this asshole.

NTA

BlazingSunflowerland

Go home. He has no time for you, even after you spent your own money to get there and he expects you to watch his niece.

Go home and break up and he can figure out some other way to care for his niece. What a jerk of a loser he is.

StAlvis

INFO

> while he is on a long term work trip

So this is where *neither* of you actually live?

> I stayed in all day Saturday and helped clean up his place

He’s not staying at a hotel? What kind of work trip is this?

lunchbeers2

I’ve been married for 20-something years now and many things have fallen into a division of labor that works for us both. But when something comes up, we still ASK the other if they can deal with it. NTA

KrofftSurvivor

NTA

Go home – if you flew, see if you can change your flight, if you drove pack up and leave.
If you can’t change your flight, check out how much it would be to take greyhound.

He’s using you.

False-Impression8102

Nope, NTA.

He didn’t consider your needs at all. He’s treating you like the help. I’d move up my return flight, or get my own accommodation so I could see the sights. The relationship is done.

JoeLefty500

So he’s not charging you money to stay at his place so he gets to tell you you’re babysitting his niece without any warning. I’d tell him to eff right off and cut the vacation short. NTA

Spinach_Apprehensive

EDIT FOR CLARITY: By refusing to babysit his niece I am effectively forcing him to drop his activities to watch over her

…So you should drop your activities to watch her…?

Marshwiggletreacle

If you like the city and there are things you want to see and do and you have the funds, book a hotel or Airbnb room and enjoy yourself.

Either way, leave asap

Nta

donovansgirl

Your BF is the problem. You travel to be with him and he can’t/won’t prioritize spending any time with you. Go home, do not babysit, it’s not your responsibility. NTA

Sad_Researcher_781

NTA but honey, this guy doesn’t like you. Cut your losses and go back home – enjoy the rest of your time off away from this AH.

LogicalDifference529

Re-read everything you write but pretend it’s your sister or best friend explaining this. This guy is using you.

Vegetable_Sound4334

I would leave and go home. He is being incredibly rude by just telling you, not asking
You can do better

abk1376

I would be furious the way he said it. He didn’t ask he told you you’re doing this. Hell no, good bye.

gw_reddit

NTA but what do you want with this guy? He is obviously not too intersted in spending time with you.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is clearly distressed, feeling that their planned vacation time has been unilaterally changed by their boyfriend. The central conflict lies between the OP’s expectation of a shared, enjoyable visit and the boyfriend’s assumption that the OP should take on childcare duties without prior discussion, using the free accommodation as leverage.

Given the sudden imposition of childcare duties on a pre-planned visit and the boyfriend’s justification based on free lodging, is the boyfriend entitled to demand the OP act as a guardian for his niece, or does this action constitute a severe breach of respect and boundary setting within the relationship?