Amidst the backdrop of hardship and kindness—the generosity extended to Frankie’s family during their darkest times—comes a shattering truth that threatens to unravel years of trust. As David bravely comes out and confronts the cruelty he’s endured, the family must face the raw reality of betrayal and the urgent need for healing, acceptance, and understanding in the face of profound emotional wounds.
I have two sons David (16) and Shawn (14). David has always been quiet, didn’t have a lot of friends, and is a perfectionist. Shawn is more laid back, easy-going, and doesn’t let anything bother him.
Shawn’s best friend since they were little has been Frankie. About seven years ago, Frankie’s father had a stroke. He was left severely disabled and Frankie’s mother Beth is now the sole earner for the family.
With summer coming up, and knowing things were tough for the family, my husband and I arranged to pay to send Frankie to the same sleep away camp that we send our sons to. Save for 2020 when camp did not happen we have covered Frankie’s summer camp every year.
David recently came out to us as gay. We of course accept and love our son, and he was very emotional. He revealed that there had been a great deal of bullying at school and Shawn and Frankie had been among the instigators.
Frankie had asked David if we had figured out that he was a [slur] yet, made comments about him staring at other boys in the locker room, and told him he belonged in the girl’s room.
When I confronted Shawn, he told me it was just playing around, it wasn’t serious, it was no big deal. I told him that his brother took it seriously, it was a big deal, and it was unacceptable.
I’ve taken away his video games until the end of the school year, and grounded him for a month. He has since apologized to his brother.
I called Beth and told her what had happened. She was very dismissive. I told her that my son’s sexuality was not a punchline and out of respect for his friendship with Shawn to have Frankie leave David alone.
Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale. I told her I didn’t want to hear that Frankie had said another bad word about David. She said boys will be boys, they’ll have to work it out, and she’s not getting involved.
This week the first deposit for camp was due, and I made the decision not to sponsor Frankie. I called the camp office and explained that due to bullying on Frankie’s part I would not be paying for camp this year.
Beth does not know that I’ve been sponsoring camp since Frankie was 7 as she is only told that an anonymous donor covered camp for him. The only people that know are me, my husband, and the camp office.
When I told my husband what I had done, he understood why but felt badly that Frankie wouldn’t get to go and Shawn would be without his best friend at camp. He pointed out that Beth would have likely said something if she knew we were paying for camp, but I feel like that’s missing the point.
He shouldn’t act that way because it’s wrong, not because we pay for camp. There’s no way that Beth can afford camp and it’s likely going to affect her job to have Frankie at home during the day.
I feel I made the right choice to protect my son but still feel guilty. Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a difficult conflict stemming from their need to protect their recently outed son, David, from severe bullying perpetrated by their younger son’s best friend, Frankie. The OP acted decisively by withdrawing financial support for Frankie’s camp tuition, aligning their actions with their belief that Frankie’s harmful behavior should have consequences. However, this decision creates guilt because it negatively impacts Frankie, his struggling single mother, Beth, and potentially strains the relationship between the OP’s sons, Shawn and Frankie.
Given that the OP prioritized their older son’s safety and emotional well-being over a long-standing act of charity, the central question remains: Was withdrawing financial support for Frankie’s camp tuition a justifiable and necessary response to protect David, or did it constitute an overreaction that unfairly punished Frankie and placed undue stress on Beth, regardless of Frankie’s unacceptable behavior?
Here’s how people reacted:
Edit: would love an update with what comes out of this!
Now Frankie and Shawn will have some time apart, which is probably a good idea. They sound toxic together at this stage. And since David goes to this camp as well, he won’t have to deal with the little jerk.
Do you think Shawn’s apology was sincere? Has his behavior toward his brother improved?
Frankie is a bully and his mother is enabling him by “not getting involved.” It is not “boys being boys.” He needs to be taught to treat others with respect and tolerance.
You have gone above and beyond for Frankie and are not required to enable your son’s bully by continuing to pay for summer camp for him. His being at home for the summer is his mother’s problem, not yours.
So what? Boo-fucking-hoo. You’re talking about the woman who said this to you:
>Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale.
Mom, you did great. You stood up for David and disciplined Shawn. Your husband should be ashamed of himself. NTA.
Aside from that, you have no obligation to sponsor a bully at a summer camp. For all you know, he’s been bullying people there since he was seven and this year, some kid will get to enjoy camp without being bullied.
Let Frankie meet Karma.
In any case, your son was worse than Franky. He’s his brother, there’s a difference between your brother bullying you and your brother’s friend.
Easy fix: Don’t let Shawn attend camp either.
NTA.