Now, as a beach vacation looms, what should be a time of joy and bonding has turned into a battleground where her right to care for her child is questioned and confined. She stands at a painful crossroads—torn between protecting her baby’s needs and confronting a family that demands she sacrifice her dignity, while her husband’s dismissal deepens her sense of betrayal and loneliness.
Long story- I’m a mother of four including a 3 month old. A few weeks ago I went out to lunch with my family and in laws for my brother in law’s birthday. As soon as the food came my baby got fussy so I spent the lunch walking around the outside of the restaurant while she napped.
When she woke up I came back in and started to nurse her. My in laws and family got up and left the restaurant. I had to leave without even eating.
We are now supposed to be going on a beach vacation with in laws. I told my husband I was unsure about going since it seemed like his family had a problem with me nursing. My husband called his parents and they said that the family had been talking and had decided I’d only be allowed to nurse in the bedroom during the beach trip.
I was hurt by my family talking about this amongst themselves. I also feel it’s unfair for me to have to be isolated from my kids and everyone else to nurse my baby. My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable and should give into his family’s demand.
He said he will resent me if I don’t. Am I the asshole for not going?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant emotional distress due to her in-laws attempting to dictate where and when she can breastfeed her three-month-old baby, leading to a direct conflict with her need to care for her infant while maintaining family inclusion. Her desire to feed her child naturally clashes sharply with her in-laws’ apparent discomfort and her husband’s prioritization of avoiding conflict over supporting her needs.
Given the ultimatum—either comply with severe restrictions on breastfeeding during the vacation or face resentment from her husband—is the OP the unreasonable party for refusing to attend a trip where her basic caregiving needs are being policed, or are the in-laws justified in setting conditions for shared family time?
Here’s how people reacted:
They’re not even offering the opportunity to compromise, and that immediately makes them the assholes. You could’ve been open to compromise, like stepping away or finding somewhere quiet to nurse, but they’ve demanded you sacrifice your vacation for their comfort.
It’s also an unreasonable thing, even if you were willing. Are you supposed to take a crying child back to the hotel before comforting him? Some people would argue that’s neglectful, and their argument would have some merit.
Im mean, so im not saying you should do this, but I would tell hubby I’m going to resent him if he forces me to sacrifice my vacation. Or that I’ll do it, but he has to go back to the hotel with me. if he wants it, then he can shoulder the responsibilities with you.
Tell your husband that you will feed your child in the bedroom if your husband eats all of his own food only in the bedroom for the entire trip. If Hubby is hungry o. The drive, he has to wait until he gets there and can use the bedroom. If he’s hungry at the beach, Hi by needs to go back to the accomodations to eat in the bedroom. Oh, and since nursing also provide liquid, the same goes for drinks. If Hubby wants a coffee, soda, or gets hot and wants a drink of water, he needs to go to the bedroom to drink it.
However, no nobody said boo to me because they knew it was pointless, lol.
Even if this is your husband’s first baby, how did you not have conversations about parenting and dealing with grandparents? It’s not like you’re a FTM.
YTA
There’s freaking laws that protect nursing women in public. I wish there were laws to protect nursing women from ah in-laws
Tell him you’ll resent him and his whole family for sexualizing your baby feeding