The user’s wife, a nurse practitioner who earns a very good income, is described as prideful and frequently discusses her earnings. The conflict arose when the wife attended a wedding at the cousin’s home, realizing for the first time the extent of the cousin’s wealth, which the wife seemingly had always underestimated, believing the cousin had only a ‘hobby farm.’ The wife is now angry, claiming the user embarrassed her by not disclosing the cousin’s wealth beforehand, leading the user to question if he was wrong for not informing her and for telling her she embarrassed herself.
I am 31M, my wife is 34F, my cousin is 33F, her husband is 35M.
My cousin and her husband own a fairly large farm and that is my cousin’s pride and joy. Not one single person was surprised when she bought it. Her husband is a pipe welder and makes good money as well.
My cousin and her husband are well known in the community and very well respected they do a lot for the community. With all that said when she was in her early 20s she won a fuck ton of money.
I’m talking FU kind of money. At the moment she has made it so all of the kids ( including any children I may have) in the family will be able to go to college and she paid for her siblings educations.
She has used it for the community but what she’s done with it didn’t even make a dent in it. My cousin is insanely wealthy.
Her place is paid off and her husband’s income along with the farm income pays for pretty much everything so the money she won isn’t really touched much Other than for her charity work and if they need some sort of specialized equipment.
They do have a very nice home but if you saw them just out and about you wouldn’t know it at all. they look very normal. She drives a bronco her husband gifted her when she had her most recent baby or the farm truck that looks like it’s been to hell a few times.
My wife and I have been together for 3 years and married for a year and a half. My wife is a nurse practitioner and she is in a specialty field so she makes very good money and I work in aviation.
I make about the same as she does. We are well off compared to most people in our area but we aren’t even close to what my cousin is. She would have been making well over what we make just in her farm and her husband’s job and the other just makes it insane.
My wife is very prideful. She likes to make sure everyone knows she made it. She has a very nice car and likes to bring up how much she makes in nearly every conversation. She always wants the best of the best and I try to give her that.
99% of my family cannot stand my wife but they are too nice to say anything and I love her so they just deal with it.
Recently another one of my cousins got married and she got married at my rich cousins house. They have a huge barn and a nice pond so they basically cleaned out the barn for the wedding.
It was beautiful.
That was the first and only time my wife has been to my cousin’s house. She always thought my cousin just had a little hobby farm and for some reason she thought they were poor. I didn’t know she thought they were poor.
Most of our vegetables, meat, and eggs come from my cousin but I normally get it from her myself.
Anyway now my wife is pissed that ” I embarrassed her” and I should have told her that my cousin was rich.
I didn’t really think about something like that I just assumed she knew because she’s from here. It’s not like it was a secret my cousin paid for all of the upgrades to the school and matched the donations for the community to build a park.
There is a huge banner on the park fence for her husbands business and her farm along with all of the other businesses that donated to it. We pass by that park all the time.
It has become an argument because I pretty much told my wife she embarrassed herself and should stop treating everyone like they are poor. There are several people in our community that make as much or more than we do.
She just doesn’t see that and they don’t flaunt it like she does.
So am I the a hole for not telling her? Aitah for telling her she embarrassed herself?
Conclusion
The central conflict revolves around the wife’s pride and her need to perceive herself as financially superior, which was challenged by the reality of the cousin’s hidden wealth and understated lifestyle. The user is caught between protecting his wife’s feelings and asserting that her reaction and subsequent actions reflect poorly on her own perception of community standing.
The core question is whether the user acted inappropriately by not proactively informing his wife about the cousin’s financial status, or if the wife is at fault for feeling embarrassed by the revelation and judging others based on superficial appearances. How should the user navigate his wife’s pride in light of verifiable community evidence that contradicts her assumptions about status?
Here’s how people reacted:
But you have a serious wife problem. She basically admitted to bragging her riches to people she thought were poor! What kind of person does that? A shitty one. I’m surprised anyone in your family likes her.
Did you want a life of trying to give your wife the best in everything so she could flash her success? or live modestly like your family that save for their futures, and invest in others?
You know with people that crave money and power you’re only ever a stepping stone to someone richer. If you lost everything tomorrow would she stay by your side and help rebuild or bail? Please think seriously before you have kids with her.
I stay away from people like her.
Who brings up in nearly every conversation what their salary is? That’s weird and would make people uncomfortable. I’m wondering why she would assume your cousin is poor because she owns a farm?
I can see why your family doesn’t like her
Sorry OP, you’re not the AH…she was to everyone she thinks she’s better than, at least she’s embarrassed by her behaviour – maybe there’s a chance for growth.
Sounds like a gold digger.
Dad: “WE are rich. YOU have nothing “
Hopefully she learned her lesson and won’t be needing more of it down the road.
YTA. Get basics correct
She values people based on their money, not their worth.
Your wife is an awful, insecure person