YTA. They are talking amongst themselves, it wasn’t even said to the girls, just about them. It had nothing to do with the foster girl. What you actually taught your son is that he can’t be himself or make jokes or whatever with his friend around you. You have personal involvement, which is why you got so worked up, but 17 is beyond the point of learning right from wrong. They dont need help there. They are figuring out what kind of friends to have, and what kind of conversations to have with them. They actually wont figure that out if you are ready to kick them out every time you dont like what you hear. You were right to be pissed about him making you out to be an idiot, but words would have sufficed to get your point across about both things. 

As adults, many of us forget what it was like to be a teenager. We would say anything to fit in with our friends. Yes we thought about sex all the time. We thought we were tough, and maybe our friends even gassed us up and enabled us. We made stupid comments and talked back to our parents, and probably got off on being disrespectful. Even us females objectified men/boys too, we just did it in a different way. Thats what teenagers do. It’s not about you, but you took it personal. 

I find myself conflicted. 😐 I hate hearing “locker room talk” too, but also, young men are experiencing a mental health crisis around the world bc society is suppressing all young men’s natural instincts. Regardless of the young men’s sexuality, they need to be able to express themselves. Maybe talking to them and trying to teach them there is a proper way to express their feelings and sexual preferences without being pervy would have been better. I don’t know. Unfortunately you lost the chance to make this a teachable moment and now they’ll likely just fake being nice around you, the mum, but still be completely inappropriate. Especially since you kicked them out the car and got dad on their side. I applaud you for trying to raise better men. We as society all should be, but we need to do it in a way where we aren’t emasculating them, so they don’t double down and run towards the men we are trying to help them not turn into, does that make sense? I hope so. I’m agreeing with you but also saying I think you could have handled it better. You sound like a good mom.

OP post the SPECIFICS of what were the “veiled” comments or whatever. I think you’re intentionally misrepresenting the situation/omitting information that would make YTA clearly—especially when you’re out here on the internet calling a child that you bore in your womb for 9-10 months and birthed of your body “stupid” for not knowing about boundaries when in your op you said he’s “NEVER” talked like that in front of you so clearly you’ve NEVER had a conversation about objectification or whatever.

V curious what IN SPECIFICS was said…typically people only leave that sort of thing out when they’re trying to make themselves look better ( I mean it is LITERALLY THE ENTIRE BASIS OF THE QUESTION AITAH)

Please feel free to share the specifics of what was offensive.

I have a 19 year old. I’ve never heard him nor his friends make comments about girls/young women. I think that is also because those lessons about appropriate conversations and sexualisation have been had over time – primarily by their father.

Saying “look” at some pretty girls I could get over. The double entendres and then making out like I was crazy for knowing what they were talking about – absolutely not.

I am doing you a favour by supervising a drive to get things for you. If it was safe and they had alternative ways to get home they’re fine outside of the car. They’re big boys and soon to be legal adults, not 12 year olds. They should have known better.

Honestly the boys were talking like pigs and unacceptable, but I’d never leave the kids unattended, drop the kid off at his parents and tell them exactly what he had to say, if they do something have a beer with them their good parents, if not you don’t want your kids hanging out with them. Then take your kid home and wash his mouth out with soap, or you or your husband do some good old parenting, and let them know they got it easy, they say it to the wrong person and they could get killed. Or just take away their devices, but actually take them away and keep them away, no friends. I’d never leave the kids unattended, though.

NTA – You taught him some respect the hard way. The locker room talk was bad enough, and doing it in front of you is worse, because it shows how little he thinks of women, and doesn’t care that you, a woman, know it. But when he started giving his own mother lip about how objectifying women is no big deal, he is showing you some deep damn disrespect. That should cost him more than one walk home.

Your husband is a first class asshole too. Tell the two of them that what you heard him say today is going to be repeated as your toast at your boy’s wedding.

I think the kicking them out may have been too far BUT as a woman, I applaud you. Raise men that treat women with dignity and respect. It doesn’t have to be “just how boys are” bc girls have the same feelings but are not nearly as disrespectful with comments about men(talking from my high school experience). And for your son to dismiss you about it was definitely a sign he needed his lesson learned with that. Keep trying to raise a respectful young man. Hopefully eventually he’ll understand your stance.

YTAH. you married a asshole and are shocked he doesn’t agree with what you did? you are beneath your husband in the totempole of authority. you trying to implement consequences for comments that your husband makes and agrees with is woke, fragile, and psychotic. why are you trying to make your son be respectful and speak positively of girls and women when your own husband doesn’t? what new woke mindset are you trying to impose on his brain?

NTA. You set a clear boundary about respect, especially given that your son’s friend is dating your foster daughter. It’s reasonable that their comments made you uncomfortable, and you wanted to reinforce that objectifying others isn’t okay.

Your husband’s reaction seems harsh. While teens can push boundaries, reinforcing respect isn’t overreacting. A calm chat with your husband might help him understand why this mattered to you.

NTA hell no! Where does your husband think life lessons come from? Actions, that’s where! The boys are 17, not helpless little children! Parents nowadays are too touchy feely and think a ‘talking to’ is enough. Actions speak louder than words. I applaud you for teaching your son and his friend that both behaviours are not acceptable and that you are a force to be reckoned with. Btw I think I just fell in love with you 🥰

So, you’ve never once commented to a friend about man you found attractive? Seen a poster or advertisement and thought the model was attractive?

Never had a ‘girls night’ chat where you talked about people you were attracted to?

End of the day, you weren’t disrespected, nor was your foster daughter, or your son’s gf.

You overreacted and you owe them an apology.

NTA. If they cannot be respectful members of society, they can walk.

That is not how boys are naturally, someone has taught them to be that way.
They can just as easily be taught to be kind and respectful.

It’s like racism. People are not born racist. They are taught to be racist.

“My husband isn’t like that either and has never had that relationship with him.”

“My husband 41m is furious at me. He says I am psychotic, woke, fragile and embarrassing myself. That that is how boys are and none of my reaction was justified.”

Are you willfully ignorant?

Your husband pulled out the bullshit *locker room talk* excuse. You’re *NTA*, you’re his mother and sometimes the need stern reminders that there are always consequences. Your son, his buddy, and your husband fucked up. The latter using the *woke* excuse as well…lame!

I work around majority women.

Do you really want to pretend that women don’t do this, grown ass adult fucking women.

And this is how you treat your own son.

Double standard are great in your house right?

Wait till that kid is 18 and goes no contact with you.

It’s hard to say, without knowing what the comments were. Were they just saying “those girls are hot!”, or was it more crass or disgusting than that? You really need to give us a general idea of what the comments were.

Your husband is a sexist mysoginistic AH if he is saying that is how boys are when he should be the one as the older male figure telling those bits their behavior is unacceptable.

NTAH 

Good for you. You set a boundary, and they’ll think twice before disrespecting you or anyone else like that again. Your husband can roll his eyes all he wants, but respect isn’t optional

Have you been around young girls? Because it is the same as being around young boys. This isn’t a sexist situation. It is a youth situation, and it isn’t solved with guilt and shame.

You’re NTA. It’s totally normal to be upset by their comments. Your reaction was fair, and you’re right to set boundaries. Your husband’s overreacting.

YTA, teenagers are going to make inappropriate comments, but instead of using it as leaning opportunity you acted like a psychopath and kicked out.

NTA. Your husband using “woke” as a derogatory term with a straight face makes me question why you had a kid with such a brain-dead loser, though.

Your son was showing off for his friend. Now he understands the consequences of that behavior. Great way to handle it- as a teaching moment.

You have a husband problem….he needs to back you up. Boys learn how to treat women from both parents….but mostly from their fathers.

If the husband called you “woke” then he’s an asshole.
I don’t objecify women, and when other people do I find it quite cringe. NTA.

I’d tell my husband that now HE is also in the dog house with his BS about being “psychotic, woke, fragile and embarrassing myself.”

If my husband talked to me like that, he’d have about as much time to apologise as it takes to Google a divorce lawyer.

NTA – it’s important that young men learn not to speak that way about women, esp around their own mother.

Your husband called you woke? Yeah your husband is probably the source of this when you’re not around.

It would have been easier to just take them back home instead of to the bike shop.

Good on you. You can tell your husband that this man agrees with what you did.

Your husband’s reaction makes me think he got it from him.

“Boys will be boys” 🙄 and that’s how men become abusers..

It won’t happen again. You did the right thing.

Well done. Thank you for your service.

INFO: what were the comments OP?

Depends what the comments were.