Every plea for help was met with silence or anger, and the pain of watching her children go hungry cut deeper than words. Her tired voice, once hopeful, now carried the raw truth of a woman done pretending, done hoping, done waiting for a partner who no longer seemed to care. The fight was no longer just about groceries—it was about survival, dignity, and the shattered promises of a family undone.
I’m 26. My husband’s 30. We’ve got two little kids both under 5. For the past couple of months, he hasn’t been giving anything—no money for groceries, bills, or milk. I work part time, and I stretch what little I have, but it’s not enough.
Every time I bring it up, he brushes me off or says he’s “stressed.” We’re all stressed. So a few nights ago, I asked him straight up, can you at least buy milk and some damn groceries?
His face was blank. Then he got defensive, started yelling about how I don’t appreciate anything he does and that I’m making him look like a bad father in front of his mom.
His mom lives a few streets away and is always up in our business, always taking his side, and acting like I’m the demanding one. One time she even said, “You’re the mom, it’s your job to make it work.” So now it’s awkward, cold shoulders, and silent treatment.
His mom’s been messaging me vague things like “marriage takes sacrifice.” Where’s his sacrifice? I told him to step up and stop acting like we don’t exist unless it’s convenient for him.
Now I’m the one feeling guilty. Maybe I was too harsh. I just wanted milk for our kids.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant financial and emotional strain due to her husband’s complete withdrawal of financial support for their two young children. Her core conflict lies between her immediate, undeniable need to provide necessities like food for her family and her husband’s defensive reaction, which prioritizes his pride and the opinions of his mother over his parental responsibilities.
Given the essential nature of providing food for dependent children, was the OP justified in confronting her husband directly about his refusal to contribute financially, or did her chosen method of confrontation create an unproductive impasse? Can a partner ethically withhold necessities while claiming stress, and how should the OP prioritize her children’s immediate needs versus maintaining domestic peace?
Here’s how people reacted:
Do you have family that you can stay with? Can you visit the local food banks or churches for food? Do you use social media? Post about needing food and shame him indirectly. He’s more concerned about being construed as a bad father in his mother’s eyes, rather than outwardly being a bad father. He needs to be called out and shamed. Show up to her house with your kids in tow, saying that they’re hungry and need food. Say her son is not doing anything to feed or support them. See what she says. Will she still stick to her guns that *you, are the problem and that *you* need to make it work? If so, some grandmother she is. Write her off.
You can’t pull food out of thin air. You need to find support outside of your marriage, and reconsider your union with him. He is going to ruin all of your lives.
And if he comes back wanting to work on this relationship and provide for his kids, therapy should be mandatory for him.
NTA
When he complains “I’m making it work!” “I can’t afford to feed my children & you too.” If his mom says anything say “I have X amount to feed my family each week he gives nothing to feed his own kids, so you can feed your own child I’m a mother I’m making it work’
Try & pick up more hours if you can & save to leave this man. He’ll have to pay child support if you leave him!
Only you can decide if you stay married or not but if it was me I’d want him to attend marriage counselling and see a massive improvement before I considered staying.
Children need a safe happy environment and only you can decide if they get that with married parents or are better off with 2 separated parents who co-parent.
This is easy babe… leave. There is nothing here worth salvaging if he lets your kids go hungry and makes you struggle to feed them and yourself. HE IS LETTING YOUR KIDS GO HUNGRY. That’s it. Take care of your children. Divorce him, and let the courts MAKE him take care of his kids.
I can understand why you’re at your wits end. This is complete bullshit. He knows what he’s doing. He’s trying to control you. You can’t leave him if you don’t have any money.
Trust me, sis. Your life will be so much happier and easier once he’s not in it anymore.
“Financial issues” doesn’t mean being poor. It means conflict in how you manage your money.
Great. He can start making some.
Honestly- your children and yourself will fare better on social programs available to single parents.
It is his responsibility to provide for his children. This is willful non-support.
Other than that? Divorce him. At least then you can get court ordered child support. You’ll be better off.
Divorce him. He’ll likely be a deadbeat dad but how is that worse than what you’ve got now? At least you won’t have to sleep with the POS anymore.
NTA.
Does she understand that her grandkids literally have no food because her son can’t be bothered? Show up with the kids–“We’re eating at Grandma’s today!” NTA.
…
>Thanks for the advice. I’m really just trying to do what’s best for me and my child right now..
Quick tip, OP, ***try to remember how many kids you claimed to have.***
Fathers, if they are worth a damn, PROVIDE.
End of story. Stress is NOT even 1% an excuse. He needs to step it up NOW. Neglect, in this case, is ABUSE.
Return him to his mum. You won’t get you money back but at least you can get child support so you can pay the bills and feed the children.
Don’t fool yourself
Get ready to take off
Watch him cry in 20 years when his grandkids are all grown
Girl.
Lawyer.
Child support.