A visit to his mother became a battleground for respect and autonomy, where old expectations collided with new realities. Her refusal to conform sparked tension, but also a fierce assertion of her right to choose, reminding everyone that love and family come in many forms beyond the demands of tradition.
I’m a 25 year old female, and I’m blind. The whole idea of having kids scares me, and I honestly don’t want any; and my fiance is also fine with this decision.
Before Christmas my fiance and I went to see his mother, and aside from my parents they are the only other people we visit in person. While we were there, the subject of children came up; which is usual for his mom.
She actually naggs us about having kids quite a bit especially after we got engaged. While we were talking she asked me when I was going to have her a baby, I told her I didn’t know because I don’t want kids.
Just like everyone else I’ve told this to, she tells me I don’t mean that. then says I have to have her a grand baby. This of corse made my blood boil, and I planely told her that if she wanted a baby so badly she could adopt one.
The’n my fiance spoke up and told her that we’d probably be more willing to have kids if people didn’t nag us about it. Then I asked her if I had “baby farm” tattooed on my forehead.
She says yes because I’m a woman and that’s what I’m suppose to do.
She doesn’t care that I’m blind, and having a child would be a struggle for me, she just wants me to pump her out a grand child.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant pressure from her future mother-in-law regarding the decision not to have children, a choice agreed upon with her fiancé. The conflict centers on the mother-in-law’s insistence that the OP must have a grandchild, overriding both the OP’s personal choice and her physical considerations as a blind person.
Since the OP and her fiancé have a mutual decision about family planning, is the mother-in-law justified in demanding a grandchild based on traditional gender roles, or does the couple have the absolute right to maintain their child-free choice without this level of invasive pressure?
Here’s how people reacted:
Having said that, future MIL is terrible. Women are not baby machines and she does not get a say in whether you and your fiancé have kids. She just needs to stop.
EDITED to change the judgment, I realized that my E S H applied to everyone BUT you, making you NTA.
Coming from a fellow female, you are NOT her Personal Grandbaby Incubator™. She wants kids without the pooping, peeing, screaming, or puking aspect.
It is totally understandable and fair to not want children, it is your body and your choice. Women are not just baby machines! (See Betty White! She’s childfree and doesn’t regret it a day in her life). Her disgusting viewpoint on women only being good for breeding needs to be shut down ASAP.
Also, if she thinks that a woman is supposed to pump out babies, why doesn’t she just ‘pump out’ another kid since it’s ‘what she’s supposed to do’?
Also, I misread the title and thought that you said that if she wanted a child she could adopt you.
NTA
You told her to mind her business and she didn’t. Your fiancé meant well with his response but it wasn’t good enough. He is the one that needs to lay it down to his mother that it’s not happening and he needs to let her know you BOTH feel that way and not just you.
You do not owe it to anyone to have a child that you don’t want.
It doesn’t sound totally as if you and your fiancé are on the same page though. If you are he should be shutting his mother down hard, not leaving open bit of hope. Regardless, you don’t owe anyone a grandchild for any reason.
But i have a question if you don’t consider it Rude. How do you write or Read them since you are blind?