As exhaustion overtook her, the unspoken distance grew, turning their shared space cold and quiet. The fragile connection, strained by stress and unmet needs, left them both longing—for solace, for closeness, for the warmth they once effortlessly shared.
My husband had a stressful day (he got passed up for a promotion), but we were together all day, I talked to him in length about it, reassured him he was more than qualified and ready for the promotion, told him how he deserves it, offered him hugs multiple times, suggested he go do something he enjoys and I would take the kids.
He declined my hugs and declined to go anywhere.
He was on and off the phone most of the day. I didn’t ask him to do anything with the house and kids (except I had a migraine and needed to lay down till meds kicked in which was 30 minutes).
I knew he was stressed, so I just let him be.
End of the day I’m exhausted. I expressed this to him and we went to bed. I said goodnight and he said “aren’t we going to have sex?” I said no, I was exhausted. He said ok well can you play with me.
I said I really wasn’t in the mood and again exhausted. He turned over and just said “ok”. Mind you, we have had sex 3 times in the last 2 days.
He eventually says in a nasty tone “you know I had a stressful day I thought this was the least you could do for me. Even if you’re not in the mood or don’t want to, I figured you would realize I needed this stress relief and do it anyway.
It’s always your needs over mine”.
Turned into a huge argument. He said “you’re portraying me to be some kind of rapist” but then later goes on to repeat himself and say “as my wife you should want to do something that would make me happy”.
I see his point of view that marriage is about sacrificing your own needs sometimes.
Could I have just done what he asked front be beginning? Sure, but I was honestly cringing at the idea of doing something I wasn’t into.
And would it be enjoyable if that’s the case? Probably not.
Am I just seeing this differently because it’s sex related and my husband is right to think this way? How would you feel/respond?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) provided substantial emotional support and practical accommodation for her husband’s stressful professional disappointment throughout the day, yet faced pressure to provide physical intimacy when she was physically depleted.
When a spouse feels entitled to sexual intimacy as compensation for a difficult day, overriding their partner’s stated exhaustion, where should the balance lie between marital duty and individual physical autonomy, even within a sexually active relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
Yup, totally not acceptable behavior. You gotta tell him that hurt your feelings – after he is out of that slump. (emotional states cause arguments)
However; anyone telling you things like “It would be the last time I walked around on eggshells…” is not sitting next to a loving and caring partner sharing mutual joy and understanding while typing on Reddit.
You do realize that he only sees you as a bang maid. Someone who exists only to do all the chores, take care of the kids and the be ready for sec when ever he snaps his fingers. He doesn’t see you as a partner or even a person. You are his property/ possession who should do as he wants regardless of what you want, how you feel, or anything about you.
Your husband has fucked up (if disgustingly common) ideas about sex and how a relationship dynamic works. Also, he’s a gross asshole for not realizing it.
Slimy, entitled, thoughtless, transactional, dehumanizing…fill in your ick word of choice.
You had a migraine. You felt terrible – migraine hangover will do that. But you should just put out anyway because of his stress level?!!!
There is something seriously wrong with him. I hope you’re taking this seriously and that you’re safe.
Knows what’s going thru his head , if this is always the way he reacts when something goes wrong then
It’s a problem . If this was the first time although No fair
Incan only think him being rejected at work and in his mind your rejecting him cause handing get the promotion . Only he knows the truth
You dealt with the kids all day to give him space and he thinks you owe him sex, no you do not.
He needs to chill the hell out and take several seats. He has a hand, maybe buy him some lotion if it helps.
Your husband is controlling and toxic
NTA and a red flag.
Were his arms ripped off at some point in the day? If he needed a release, he could take care of it.
3 times in 2 days and they’re complaining because they can’t wank it themselves?