But the weight of forgiveness and the pull of family ties grew heavier with each passing day. Surrounded by pleas to reconcile and hold the fractured pieces together, he stood at the crossroads of heartache and hope. His wife’s regret echoed in the room, yet his resolve remained clear: his love was for the child, not the betrayal that fractured their past. In this tangled web of hurt and healing, he faced the hardest choice of all—whether to rebuild a family built on fragile trust or to protect his own wounded heart.
It has been a difficult few months. I considered running away from everything, even abandoning my son, although I know he is not biologically mine. However, I did not want him to suffer.
Since then, I have visited him frequently. I moved out but continued visiting him, while my wife tried hard to make me stay. Her sister also caused significant trouble, but I tolerated it all for my son.
This Christmas, after I celebrated with my son, my wife, her sister, and their family sat me down for a ‘talk.’ They wanted me to reconcile and not give up on my family.
My wife admitted she made a mistake years ago, said she could not change it, and wanted to stay with me. I told her that was impossible; I was doing everything for our son, not for her or anyone else.
They all countered that we had been living peacefully, that I had a loving family, and that I love my son despite him not being mine. They insisted I should not break the family, take my time, forgive my wife, and live as we did before, emphasizing that the past is past and she has been faithful since, promising to give me my own biological child.
After hearing all of that, I realized there was nothing else I could do. I told them that what my wife did was a betrayal—not just cheating, but making me raise another man’s son. I tried my best not to complicate things and did everything for my son.
I informed them I was leaving and filing for divorce, giving up on my son, and then I left. They tried to stop me and are still sending texts and calling, but I am ignoring them.
I have decided to file and have spoken to a lawyer. My position is that I either get full custody of him or I give up on him. I am not overly concerned about child support, but it is painful.
I did my best to give my son a good life even though he isn’t mine and wanted him to have both parents, but she is making it difficult. If he ever needs my help or wants to reconnect, I will help him, though I know custody will most likely go to his mother.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is grappling with a profound betrayal stemming from his wife’s past infidelity and the subsequent revelation that the child he raised is not biologically his. Despite his decision to leave and seek divorce, his primary motivation remains concern for the child, leading him to attempt continued involvement. However, the wife and her family are actively pressuring him to stay and reconcile, arguing that the established peace and his love for the child outweigh the past betrayal.
Given the OP’s firm stance on divorce but his conflicted feelings about abandoning the child he loves, the core question remains: Is the OP justified in prioritizing his emotional need for separation and truth by leaving entirely, or should he continue to sacrifice his personal integrity for the sake of maintaining a stable, albeit fraudulent, paternal relationship with the child?
Here’s how people reacted:
You did what you could for your son, and you clearly care about him, but that doesn’t erase the betrayal you’ve been dealing with. You can’t just forget that, and no amount of her or her family’s pressure should make you feel obligated to stay in a relationship where your feelings of betrayal are dismissed. You’re right to make your decision, whether that’s to pursue full custody or walk away from the situation entirely.
Your wife and her family might try to guilt-trip you, but at the end of the day, you have to look out for your own well-being. If your son reaches out later, you’ve made it clear you’ll help him, but for now, it sounds like the best choice for you is to move on. You can’t force yourself into a relationship where trust has been broken beyond repair.
Do what you can for the kid if you love him, but don’t do anything that would force you into a position favorable to her, actions have consequences, not just for the people who choose them but for the people around them, and she’s going to learn that the hard way. NTA
She was prepared to betray you with another man, then continue to protect that betrayal for decades to come while you provide for her and another man’s child. Her family defends that@!! WTF is wrong with these people. Get a good lawyer with many personal connections within the legal community where you are…you may do alright. This kind of shit is criminal and the whores have to start being held accountable and feeling it in their pocket book. Unreal. 😡
Laws have changed about when you find out that a child isn’t yours and what you should do. So I’m not as caught up as I should be to offer advice.
Regardless of whether you decide to continue with divorce or not, get the paternity and child support part figured out now with your lawyer!
No woman (especially those on Reddit) is ever going to understand what you are going through (and frankly most of them don’t give a shit).
You have no obligation to your cheating wife or her son unless you CHOOSE otherwise.
Women can never be victims of paternity fraud but have no problem voicing their opinions in situations like this.
Those same women tell men to shut up when it comes to decisions about abortion, so they can shut the hell up about this situation.
Good luck however this plays out for you.
Cheating and creating a whole human with another person is INTENTIONAL.
If she can’t acknowledge that then there is no point in trying to have any sort of relationship with her.
I am sorry for the child, HOWEVER, she is only going to use your love for this child to manipulate you. You should not allow that.
I understand that it’s hard a D it’s painful as hell. But you need to do what’s right for you.
Idk how your state works, but maybe ask if you can still do 50/50 with supervised trade-offs when it’s your time with your son instead of all or nothing.
Again, your choice. I’m just trying to offer an option that might not hurt as much.
Did she ever admit who the real father is?
Divorce that whole group, take time to heal, then when ready look for a loving, caring, faithful partner.
Thanks for the update OP. Take care of you. updateme
YTA
I know it’s painful, but stick to it.
Definitely TA with your son. Penalizing him for something his mother did.
Tough situation. Good luck on custody.
He deserves so much more than either of you.
And that’s where you lost me.