When the neighbor later requested that the OP provide regular afternoon childcare, the OP declined, stating she did not want to take on the responsibility and needed time dedicated to her own infant and husband, who works from home. The neighbor reacted negatively, accusing the OP of being selfish for refusing regular help, leading the OP to question if her firm refusal was inappropriate.
I’m new to my area and I have made friends with a few neighbors through a mommy and me group. I have been in the group now a little over a month and I have a 9 week old. I have a neighbor who is in the group and she asked me last week in an emergency if I could watch her 3 and 5 year old, she looked desperate so I agreed.
I was like well its just once. I am a full-time SAHM and enjoy all my time with my little one. That day I watched her children was hectic as hell, my daughter was fussy and they children were very rambunctious to say the least.
I was happy when she came and got them 6 hours later.
She came to me today saying she needed me to watch the kids in the afternoons, I told her no. I’m not a fulltime babysitter and have no desire to take that much time away from my own child and navigating life with my child and husband.
Her response was well its not like I’m asking a lot, its just the afternoons. I said it may not be a lot to her but it is a lot to me. My husband works from home and he needs the house quiet to work, and I’m a new mom and I’m not interested on taking on any other responsibilities other than what I have right now.
She told me I was selfish, I told her she was entitled to think that I SHOULD help her just because I’m at home with my little one. AITAH for being so forward?
Conclusion
The OP is currently facing a conflict between establishing necessary boundaries for her new role as a mother to an infant and the expectations placed upon her by a new acquaintance who seems to feel entitled to her time because she is home during the day. The core issue revolves around valuing the OP’s unpaid labor and personal capacity versus the neighbor’s need for childcare.
The central debate is whether the OP was justified in immediately and firmly setting clear limits on her availability, even if it caused friction with a new friend, or if a more accommodating approach was expected given the initial emergency favor. Was the OP being selfish, or was she correctly prioritizing her family’s needs and established boundaries?
Here’s how people reacted:
I was a SAHM, and I remember to this day, getting advice from another SAHM – She warned me that I would be a target for many other moms who would look at me as easy babysitting.
OP, stand absolutely firm. You and your husband are making sacrifices for you to stay home. It’s not easy. I get it I’ve been there. Friends used to absolutely tut-tut at me because we had no dishwasher, only 1 car, only 1 tv and never took vacations overseas. It was hard but it was our choice.
You did not choose to open a daycare service, so do not feel bad about saying no. Learn to say it without getting drawn into justifications or reasoning with others. TRUST ME, this won’t be the only occasion/person that will ask! You will have to really be firm and stand your ground.
This situation always makes me so mad. Every family is different and we need to respect each other, not call someone ‘selfish’ for their choices just because they don’t want to accept a ‘no’. ugggh.
Congratulations btw on your new baby…. ohhhh I remember those days with my daughter very fondly.
She had to have childcare in place before you moved into the neighbor. I would tell that whatever she was doing before is what she needs to do now.
You don’t have a sign on your door that says childcare is available. I believe she tested you to see if you would watch them, and when you did, she just felt you could continue doing it.
She can say what she wants to anyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to change your mind. If any of the other mothers in the mommy and me group think you’re selfish, I just quit going to the group.
You went for support not to be a babysitter.
Going forward, you might want to evaluate & communicate what constitutes an emergency. Because your neighbor might get creative in this regard. A trip to the ER is an emergency, a last minute nail appointment is NEVER an emergency.
Before the next babysitting ask, and I am sure that there will be one, set & communicate your babysitting rates. Forget the local market rates, set a rate high enough to make worth YOUR while. Don’t settle for anything less. If the HS girls charge $10/kid/hour and yours is $50/kid/hour, that’s OK. Not your problem.
NTA
NTA. She was the one being forward and presumptuous. I would have told her, that the day I took her kids for 6 hours was ***overwhelming,*** and I need to stay focused on my own little one. She was also rude, calling you “selfish”. The only response to her pushiness is a strong and clear message, which is what you gave her. Well done! She asked for it.
Hopefully this isn’t the norm for your new mommy group.
NTA
I would’ve laughed hysterically, shut the door in her face, then I’d have opened it again, just to laugh at her some more, then every time I drove by her in the ‘hood, I would rib my partner, point at her and laugh again.
That will reduce any further communications, along with removing all of the other entitled Karens in the area.
Any polite person would be apologetic after being rejected, “I understand, it’s so tiring!”!
Everyone knows how expensive childcare is. She’s just trying to take advantage of you and guilt trip you into baby sitting.
NTA
Must’ve missed the part where YOU knocked her up twice. Oh, didn’t happen? Then not your problem.
You, on the other hand, are the GOAT.
NTA.
#NTA.
She was too forward first. That gives you permission to be just as forward.
Damn but this sub sucks.