But the very people who should have supported her—her parents—saw her dream as a distraction, demanding she give away her talent for free, draining her hope and resources. When a simple request to pay for a birthday cake ignited a family battle over respect and survival, Judy’s quiet determination became a testament to the resilience of dreams under pressure, and the painful cost of fighting for one’s rightful place.
My 16 year old niece Judy is into bakery; she bakes plenty of sweets and cakes. Due to my brother and his wife’s financial situation, Judy got dropped of cooking academy. She was heartbroken over this especially because she was on top of her class.
She was determined to go back to cooking academy so she started selling stuff she bakes online to be able to afford her classes. Her parents thought cooking academy was a distraction from school and disapproved of it though; they started demanding she bakes for neighbors and friends for free.
My son’s 4th birthday was last week. I asked Judy if she could bake a cake for $50. She agreed, but my brother said no chance and swore up and down that she will do it for free. Judy said if she keeps working for free she’ll no longer be able to afford the academy, not to mention the ingredients.
I said I have no issue paying, but my brother said we’re family and the cake was for free.
This didn’t sit right with me, so I went behind my brother and his wife’s back and gave Judy the $50 before they left the party. Well, they found out and yelled at Judy for accepting the money.
Then my brother called, saying I shouldn’t have paid her, but I said she deserves the money for her efforts. He went on about how unacceptable it is for family to pay for favors and said that Judy got grounded for acting so entitled.
I had an argument with him, and I told him to stop the punishment, but he said we wouldn’t be dealing with this if I didn’t go behind his back and give Judy the money in the first place.
I hung up, then met up with my family to discuss this, and they all agreed that I should never have snuck my niece the money and disrespected her parents’ wishes. They told me that I don’t even get to speak ill of my brother because he was just trying to be generous with me and was being real family.
I don’t know; I feel I might be TA for this. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a conflict where they supported their niece’s ambition to pay for culinary school by offering payment for a service, directly contradicting the wishes of the niece’s parents who insisted on free labor based on family obligation. This action led to the niece being punished and the OP facing unanimous disapproval from extended family members who prioritized the parents’ authority and the notion of free family favors.
Does the preservation of a child’s educational aspirations and fair compensation for work outweigh the parents’ stated desire for free services based on familial relationship, especially when payment was offered privately to circumvent parental disapproval?
Here’s how people reacted:
Her parents sound terrible. I don’t even mean it as in they’re abusive or something; they’re just total AHs.
Our middle daughter wants to be a chef and baker, and we actively encourage her. Our oldest wants to be a vet, and we encourage her. Our youngest wants to be a sheriff or doctor, and we encourage her, too.
Saying it’s a waste of time and that it’s just a distraction is a total AH move. I understand if they don’t have the money to pay for it, but discouraging her from being an entrepreneur and from paying her own way is completely wrong.
If you aren’t given a way, you make a way, and that’s what she is doing. Discouraging this behavior is revolting to me. It’s what our country was founded on; entrepreneurship and taking what you want.
Next time, speak with her and offer to pay x amount toward her school rather than giving her the cash directly to avoid her being punished and to get around the rule.
1. Offer to buy ingredients for her. Parents may appreciate that more than her being paid
2. Set up a trust or some account where you can pay her, and she can collect this money in the future. Although her parents may get in the way of her collecting payments now, I’m sure she’d be excited to receive the funds when she’s 18.
3. Ask around local bakeries if they need a part time worker/ volunteer/ intern.
4. Help her look into similar opportunities at school. My high school was not well off and we had a program for seniors where they could go off campus and take cooking classes senior year for credit. Maybe getting school credit would help with the parents concerns.
But overall, NTA
Your brother is calling poor Judy entitled when they expect her to spend her time, effort, skills, (and probably money on ingredients) and give her goods away for free? That’s entitled. They want a puppet to do their bidding and make them look good. They’re abusing their daughter’s passion for the sake of their own image, and then proceed to punish her when she actually shows any kind of success for it.
Is there any way that you could help Judy network to find more people to sell goods to, so she can make money for cooking academy?
You asked based on it being a $50 cake and of course to support her dreams.
Her parents are idiots if they cannot see how much she could be learning from this. She could be baking in order to fund her own education in an area she wants to actually work, and is passionate about, but instead they make her do it for free and don’t let her go to those classes.
Families go behind each other to give money all the time, don’t sweat it.
Out of interest, did Judy get to keep the 50$?
Thank you for at least trying to help your niece and trying to pay for her time. Her parents are shocking.
So her dad cant touch it
And also pay her for cakes and deposit money there