AITA We started eating Thanksgiving dinner without my sister.

The original poster (OP) and their partner were hosting a significant family dinner involving eleven people, including relatives who had not seen each other in years and a newborn baby. Leading up to the event, the couple informed a specific individual that guests were arriving at 7 PM and that this person needed to be ready and out of their room by that time.

Despite repeated reminders sent between 1 PM and 7 PM, the individual remained absent when the guests arrived and dinner was served around 8:24 PM. After the meal began, this person eventually came downstairs upset that everyone had started eating without them, leading the OP to question whether they were in the wrong for proceeding.

AITA We started eating Thanksgiving dinner without my sister.

1 PM: We warn her guests will arrive at 7 and to please get ready and be out of her room.

1-7 PM: We send sporadic reminders, knock on her door, remind her she has X amount of hours left, constant checking-in.

7 PM-8 PM: Guests arrive. She is nowhere to be seen. Everyone is busy doing something. Cooking, setting the table, socializing. Still we send reminders: People are here. Eating soon.

Dinner is almost ready. Dinner is on the table now. People are on the table now. We are eating. She is not answering or otherwise communicating with us.

8:24 PM (timestamp from photo): We start eating.

10 mins later she comes down pissed we started without her, nearly an hour and a half after we told her to be ready, and with constant reminders and warnings leading up to dinner.

Mind you there were 11 people total, with two sides of the family seeing each other for the first time in years, plus a newborn baby who was mercifully asleep right when the food was coming out hot.

Everything was chaotic and people were hungry.

Here’s how people reacted:

NaturesVividPictures

NTA. Wow she’s 24 I would have never guessed that was the age of the person you were talking about I figured 13 or 14. Yeah the world doesn’t work all around her you gave her way too many mornings and she chose to ignore everybody. It’s possible she wasn’t on her phone but it’s not like she can’t look at the clock and realize huh what time did they say dinner was oh I need to go down at 7:00. I mean obviously she didn’t want to socialize but screw her if she can’t get there enjoying everyone after you said dinner’s about to be served. I guess your parents don’t mind having her live there the rest of her life as she’s never moving out.

Grandmapatty64

You’re gonna have to enforce boundaries with the rest of the family too. Let them all now is that anybody that wants to continue enabling her? You will send her to live with them. They can deal with the day-to-day BS that she pulls because everybody gives her her way. It’s over and done with or you’re gonna be responsible for her. I mean, she’s your sister not your child right?

chocolattetreat

You gave your sister plenty of reminders and time to get ready, and it’s not unreasonable to start dinner when the food is ready and guests are hungry. Thanksgiving is a busy time, and people understandably get anxious about the timing, especially when you have a group of 11 people waiting. You made multiple attempts to communicate with her, and she chose to ignore them.

RemoteViewingLife

You really don’t need to ask. Sis is a spoiled entitled witch! She did absolutely nothing to contribute to making the dinner but expected people would wait for her Please! Tell her next year she will get informed ONCE and only ONCE that dinner will be at this time if she can’t get her a$$ to the table she can eat leftovers by herself!!!

Ok_Childhood_9774

The only reason I would consider you and the rest of your family AHs is for giving her so many reminders. She’s a big girl. Tell her when dinner is once, and then she can decide whether it’s worth it for her to grace you with her presence. Ignore her pouting and stop letting her get away with such childish behavior.

Beautiful-Feature590

NTA, bro. Your sister needs to get her act together. It’s a family gathering, not a royal feast where everyone waits for the queen. Can’t expect 11 people to starve while she’s doing God knows what in her room. Next time, just start without her again – and eat her share too, lol!

adjudicateu

Why are you constantly reminding her? No adult should need to be reminded that many times what time dinner is. NTA. Stop babysitting her. Tell her once ‘dinner is at X’ and then have dinner at ‘x’. If this ‘reminding’ behavior is normal, it needs to stop across all categories.

Baker_knitter1120

NTA. Your sister is a drama queen. Too used to being babied with all your constant reminders. She should be helping with the preparations.

Are your parents still with you? Sorry i had to ask coz OP did not mention anything about your parents being in the same house.

Grandmapatty64

She waited until you started eating to come down and be pissy about it. She never intended to be there to start eating with everyone else. It’s a way to get attention and the more she tries to get attention with stunts like that the more everyone should ignore her.

CassieBear1

The only time you’d be in the wrong is if you don’t *keep* doing that. Also, stop giving her so many warnings. She’s a grown adult who can keep herself on track. I’m saying this as a 32 year old with ADHD who sets alarms and reminders to keep myself on time.

shockingRn

At my uncle’s family Thanksgiving they eat at noon. If you aren’t there, they start without you. Either your sister is an entitled, self absorbed brat, or she’s had a stroke and can no longer read or tell time. I’d go with the first.

verminiusrex

NTA. She’s not the main character, she’s not the home owner, and she contributed nothing to making the meal. There is no reason to wait for her to eventually care enough about everyone who’s waiting to eat and make an appearance.

Head-Emotion-4598

NTA but, dang, you guys eat late! Seriously though, she is old enough to set an alarm on her phone. I get that she might not want to socialize (anxiety maybe?) but she can make the effort to come out and check on dinner on time.

LiveYourBestLife214

Sending that many reminders, it shows you all are enabling her. Why should she follow through with one text when she knows you all will send a dozen? She needs to be suffering the consequences of her actions. Let her.

ConvivialKat

Do you live with this spoiled brat? Do you both live at home with your parents? I’m confused about the dynamics here. Why is she in “her room” and why are YOU (her sibling) enforcing boundaries instead of her parents?

_Brightstar

NTA but don’t send her a million reminders. Just say once: we expect you to be downstairs at 7pm. If she misses dinner, she misses dinner. You’re babying her by doing it the way you did now.

LBC2024

The only thing you did wrong was remind her a dozen times. The 1 PM and then a ten minute warning would have been more than enough. Then not your problem. She is an adult.

FragrantOpportunity3

NTA for starting without her but the AH for all the reminders. She knew what time you were eating unless she’s a small child she doesn’t need constant reminders.

jeffweet

Two questions –

How old is your sister?
Who eats thanksgiving dinner at 830? By 830 I’m home and showered getting ready to sleep off the food coma.

Just_somebody_onhere

Stop enabling entitlement.

This shouldn’t even be a question, she’s an entitled princess and no one should be putting up with that nonsense.

NTA

KWS1461

I probably would have told her. “Hey, we are eating NOW” IF it was the first time setting boundaries. Absolutely NTA. WHY is she living with you.

RecommendationUsed31

Yeah, My mom had the rule. Meal is at 8pm. We eat then. If you show up late you get a plate but if there is no one at the table tough luck

DanaMarie75038

NTA. She doesn’t value other people’s time. You just need to keep doing this until she gets that the world doesn’t not revolve around her.

A-Strange-Peg

NTA- and somebody, mom/pop, should simply ask her, ‘when we tell you the start time, how much grace time do you expect us to allow?’

amyloulie

NTA. What an entitled brat, turns up late and without having lifted a finger and still has the nerve to be annoyed.

Turmeric_Ping

If I pulled that kind of crap when i was a kid, I’d have been sent right back to my room, not seated at the table.

Tammary

How old is she? Not that it matters…. This behavior is unacceptable whether she’s 6 or 60

Own_Instance_357

You started dinner AT 7pm ???

That’s too late, I don’t think anyone is the assshole.

Forrgy1337

NTA, she’s old enough to manage her time. My family eats when food’s ready too.

Aware-Locksmith-7313

NTA for this nut bird. Send her back to her room and let her go hungry.

WeirdcoolWilson

At 24?? Are you kidding me?? She’s lucky she got to eat at all

Radio_Mime

Sister sounds like she expects things to revolve around her.

Tiger_in_a_Jeep

And why wasn’t a 24 year old helping with dinner prep?

Upbeat_Vanilla_7285

Sorry it she got notice. World doesn’t stop for her!

musicgray

Yes. Could you not wait the ten minutes?

LakeGlen4287

NTA. Sister thinks she is the queen. LOL!

Alarming_Reply_6286

How old is your sister? 14?

NTA

Conclusion

The central conflict revolves around the clash between the logistical necessities of hosting a large, time-sensitive event and the individual’s apparent disregard for agreed-upon schedules and multiple warnings. The OP feels justified in prioritizing the needs and hunger of eleven other guests, especially given the circumstances involving family reunion and a baby, while the other party appears upset about being excluded from the start of the meal.

Given the extensive warnings provided versus the individual’s failure to appear on time for a major event, was the OP justified in starting dinner without them, or did initiating the meal cause an unnecessary escalation of conflict? The core question is where the responsibility lies for the breakdown in coordination.