Unprepared for the extended stay and the invisible tensions it would bring, the couple faced a new challenge far beyond the arrival itself. The stepmother’s aversion to the vibrant smells of Indian spices—a symbol of the woman’s identity and love—forced a painful silence in the kitchen where joy once simmered. In that quiet withdrawal, the story unfolded not just of cultural clash, but of love tested and the fragile boundaries of acceptance within a blended family.
I’m a 24 year old woman of Indian heritage and I’ve been dating my white boyfriend (26) for the past 3 years. My boyfriend loves my cooking I often cook Indian dishes like Butter chicken, saag paneer, tandoori chicken and chicken tikka masala for him.
So back in mid march, my boyfriend’s father and his wife came to visit us all the way from Alabama to tell my boyfriend about their pregnancy. Of course, we had no idea that she was 5 months pregnant when they told us they were coming over.
We assumed it would a 3 night thing and then we’d go back to living our normal lives. Obviously, the situation changed and they’re now stuck here for a while. Truth be told, we were definitely not prepared for their extended stay.
Now, I often cook Indian for my boyfriend and I have a lot of spices and masalas stored in my kitchen. (Some of which I actually got from my ancestral village in India).
Turns out his stepmom can’t handle the smell of Indian spices, so we decided to stop cooking Indian food.
However, last night we were basically like F it! we have had enough! and decided to treat ourselves to a garlic naan and butter chicken dinner. His stepmom and father were at the hospital the whole day, and I utilized that time to cook.
When they got home, my boyfriend and I were just about to start our dinner. The moment she stepped inside, she scrunched her nose up in disgust and complained about our home smelling like curry.
Then she asked what was in the menu. When I offered them to eat with us, she said that she’d rather not as the food apparently looked like poop. I was legitimately angry at this point, but I wasn’t going to lose my cool on a pregnant lady.
Later in the night, she had a craving and woke me up from my sleep asking for left over butter chicken. Oops. We didn’t save any.
She then ordered my boyfriend’s dad to get her Indian food. The poor dude spent 2 hours out driving in the middle of the night looking for Indian food but he didn’t get any. When he came back empty handed, his wife threw a toddler tantrum crying about wanting butter chicken.
His dad then asked me to cook it for her. I put my foot down. It was 4 in the morning and I didn’t want to spend 4 hours in the kitchen.
His stepmom then guilt tripped my boyfriend about not caring about his unborn brother. (WTF?) AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between respecting her cultural practices and the comfort needs of her boyfriend’s visiting, pregnant stepmother. The central conflict arises when the stepmother’s strong aversion to the smell of Indian spices forces the OP to stop cooking familiar food, leading to a tense confrontation when the OP asserts her right to cook for herself and her boyfriend.
Was the OP justified in refusing to cook a large meal in the early morning hours, or did the stepmother’s advanced pregnancy and subsequent craving create a temporary situation where the OP should have made an exception out of compassion? Where should the line be drawn between personal comfort/cultural needs and accommodating a guest’s temporary, intense needs?
Here’s how people reacted:
Listen, she was being a pest and unreasonable for the butter chicken part, she said a hurtful comment that’s completely unacceptable and she’s definitely the asshole in this situation.
Here’s another perspective though.
My fiancé is half Indian and I’m white ( relevant just for my familys boring and tasteless food) . I’ve learned to love Indian food because of him ( saag paneer is my favourite dish of all time). For some reason I cannot stand spices or any type of overwhelming flavour anymore ( because of pregnancy) so when he tried cooking an Indian dish last time, I got sick from the smell and couldn’t take more than one bite. I love his food. I made sure he knew that I wanted to eat it but just couldn’t. It makes me nauseous and leads to a trip to the toilet.
I understand how this must be hard on you but I kind of understand what she must be going through too. Strong smells make a lot of pregnant women sick.
There’s these small moments where I don’t get sick from the strong smells and those are precious moments right now. I managed to eat a bit of aloo gobe the other day without being sick and it made me emotional because I miss flavour.
Anyways. Pregnancy doesn’t excuse bad behaviour, but it does explain some things.
Semi relevant sidebar:
This is definitely a Cool Story, Bro, but it’s also a true story — **I cooked butter chicken w/ bismati rice** ~~from scratch~~ **for the first time ever last night!** (I know you don’t know me, but this is an Olympic Level accomplishment for me. I barely know how to boil water.) I feel a kinship with you. For the first time ever I didn’t burn the rice. I learned the secret — oil in the pot first, toast the rice for 2 minutes, *then* add water to a boil and simmer. Delicious! Also, to get back to the original point, your bf’s stepmom sounds like a lot. I’m so sorry.
Edit — Upon reflection, it was not *quite* from scratch. It was one of the boxed-ingrediants-cook-at-home-idiot-proof-deals. But it was a damn sight closer than I’ve ever come before!
She’s a GUEST in your home and she’s stopping you from cooking what you normally do? Like yeah, you can be nice and not cook your own culture’s food for a few days. But the second they decided to stay for more than that, you should have told them that you weren’t going to continue with the ban on Indian food. Being pregnant doesn’t give you a pass to do whatever you want and to make others do what you want.
INFO: So you didn’t say where you are are, but you did say “all the way from Alabama” so I’m assuming they had to take a plane to get to you?
Unless they had to go over a body of water, they can rent a car and go home. Why do they HAVE to stay with you? I would tell them they have a week to make plans but after that they need to be out.
She is also perfectly capable of picking up the masala box and MAKING HER OWN DAMN FOOD. This has nothing to do with your boyfriend, she is ridiculous and she needs to return to her own home.
Insults your food then tries to force people to make her some in the middle of the night \*shaking my head\* If she is stuck there, take her aside, hand her some boxes of National or MDH or whatever brand you use, point to the directions on the back, tell her yes – it really is that simple, Smile and leave her to her own devices.
Im due in a week and I hate when pregnant women use their pregnancy to justify their bitchiness
you don’t get to be rude and demand people to do stuff for you. YOURE NOT GONNA DIE IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR WAY
absolutely do not give her her way, because that’s just opening the door for demands and her making you do stuff for her in the name of her stupid hormones and unborn child.
Congrats on the restraint, I’d have been significantly less civil at 4am. That couple would be doing a decent rendition of Jesus and Mary right now, looking for another fucking inn to stay in, because theres no way in hell they are spending another moment under my roof.
If you’d like to get back at her, though, next time she visits cook her some beef vindaloo or karahi chicken and count the minutes until you hear sprinting for the bathroom.
If they can drive around looking for Indian food can’t they drive home and isolate there?
He is a 26 year old grown ass man and this woman is not his mom. That is cringey as fuck
you asked if she wanted any, she said no and mocked the food.
she is not entitled to your cooking at 4 am, no matter how pregnant she is