As he lies vulnerable in the quiet of his room, seeking solace in solitude, the invisible lines of respect are crossed again, turning his private world into a stage for discomfort and frustration. The tension between friendship and fairness, between kindness and intrusion, pulses beneath the surface, threatening to boil over in the silence of that Saturday night.
I am a 37 year old man and my roommate is an early-30s woman. I rent a two-bedroom house and it had a spare room, so I decided to look for a roommate last year. I had a couple of people interested, but a friend asked me for a favor and I let her move in.
She pays about 30% of the rent because that’s all she can afford.
My roommate has one particularly good friend who she invites over regularly. I do not like that woman at all. She is loud, self-centered, and has no concept of boundaries, property, or privacy.
She has “accidentally” eaten my food and drunk my beer several times when she came over, and I have voiced my opinion about her to my roommate regularly. My roommate’s response has always been “as long as I’m paying my part of the rent, the company I keep is between them and me.”
On Saturday night, she invited her friend over. As I often am in my room, I was completely naked, lying over my covers, reading a book. I like being naked and expect a reasonable amount of privacy from civilized people.
When my roommate was in the bathroom, my door door flew open like it was rammed by a siege engine. Her friend had barged in to “surprise” me, and instead of frantically apologizing for violating my privacy (and seeing me naked), she burst out laughing as I fumbled to cover myself.
By now my roommate had come out of the bathroom, and her friend shouted to her “I saw his little ____!” My roommate snort-laughed loudly.
The next morning my roommate was hung over, and so I told her that her time in the house was over and that she had a month to vacate. I looked up the laws in my state, and since I am the only person on the lease, I can legally kick her out as long as I give her proper notice.
She told me that she warned her roommate about privacy after what happened, and I told her I don’t care at all. She brought that woman into the house, she was entertained by my embarrassment, and I wasn’t comfortable living with her for another day.
I told her if it were legal I’d kick her out that second. My roommate has been nasty with me all week, saying that she has nowhere to go. I don’t care and keep telling her that she might want to start looking.
Our mutual friend who I originally did the favor for has sided with her completely, and so I just blocked him.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant distress due to a severe violation of personal privacy by their roommate’s friend, an incident which the roommate appeared to find amusing. In response to this boundary breach and a pattern of disrespectful behavior from the friend, the OP has decided to terminate the living arrangement for the roommate, citing immediate discomfort and lack of safety.
The central conflict pits the OP’s right to a safe and private home against the roommate’s belief that her tenancy rights protect her choice of guests, regardless of their behavior. The question remains whether the OP’s immediate and absolute termination of the living arrangement is a justified response to the highly invasive incident, or if it constitutes an overly harsh reaction given the roommate’s partial financial contribution.
Here’s how people reacted:
I know, I’m in the minority here, but let me explain in 5 points:
1. Essentially, OP decided to kick someone to the street over a small penis joke. I think if we read this story from someone else we’d probably think that landlord is dodgy in kicking out their tenet over such an action.
2. She is not being kicked out due to her friend stealing food/beer. She is not being kicked out for breaking a rental agreement.
3. It was not in writing that she could not have her friend over, or that violating privacy is grounds for removal. There was no lease agreement in writing it sounds like, so this means a tenet is being removed without knowing their behavior would lead to such action.
4. OP is punishing her for her friend’s actions. A more fitting punishment would be that friend never being allowed over, but instead his embarrassment is driving his actions.
5. OP cannot agree to a 30% rent payee and then hold that over them for not pulling their weight. If it’s a problem that they aren’t paying a full 50%, don’t bring them in. If only paying 30% waives their rights, this should be in writing.
Sounds like OP may have violated the law by not initially notifying the rentee in writing originally.
OP, I get that you are fully justified in your anger and this person sounds hellish to live with. However, landlords have a moral responsibility to their tenets, this is why we do have (often too weak) laws about how to evict someone. The punishment (being removed from their home) is far worse than embarrassment.
Your friend/tenet is a total A as well. They have no right mooching off friends or violating personal space and boundaries. They need to grow up. Her annoying friend really needs to grow up, too. Sorry you’re going through this.
EDIT: Lol at most downvoted and some deeply angry replies. I do think the subletter should be removed. It’s awfully incompatible but y’all missed some things here that’s really sad.
The “friend” broke into his room, not the subletter. Yes she laughed and didn’t take it seriously, which is wrong, but she didn’t break into the room herseld.
Nextly, this isn’t an issue between friends, it is a legal one between landlords/tenets/subletters. OP needs to follow housing laws (which are often more in favor of landlords than renters. The law does not equal morals).
Thirdly, the OP should have had a written agreement about boundaries, payments etc. It’s really shitty to agree to a payment then throw that back in their face. OP did not say “subletter only paid half of the agreed upon amount.” After getting upset (rightfully so) they are now upset about not getting paid enough (petty). If 30% isn’t enough say so and let that be that.
It is wrong to sell a car for a 1k then turn around say you need another 500, you sold it below the market value.
OP isn’t wrong to evict his subletter/tenet/former friend. He needs to do so according to the laws in his state. (Such as a written notice and proper time). It’s petty to bring up past issues like the rent that was seemingly solved.
Do you like it when your spouse brings up old fights you long since moved on from?
Finally, yes, the friend sexuallt harassed OP. I don’t dispute that. The subletter had no control over her friend’s actions when she was in the bathroom. OP should have put things into writing so the subletter (the person without power here) could legally understand the rules of housing.
Tl/dr OP is an A for moving the goal post. Subletter is an A for disrespecting OP
EDIT EDIT: Thanks for the “Take my energy award” mysterious stranger.
You’ve been kind to her asking for only 30% of rent and yet she is acting like you owe her the world.
Until her 30 days are up, make sure to keep your valuables safe and change the locks as soon as she is officially evicted
Yeah her friend seems like a huge asshole, and you had every rights to be angry at her behavior. Especially if your roommate has dismissed any complains you had about her friends.
But seriously ? You rent a room to someone without her being part of the lease, or having any type of contract. I don’t really care if it’s a favor you did for a friend for only 30% of the rent, you rented a room to someone without any proper legal binding agreement, and when things went tough for you, you unilaterally decided to break her agreement just like that.
Your roommate is responsible for her guests behaviours. Stealing by her friend would have been enough to kick her out. But laughing at you instead of kicking her friend out after she treated you like that was so far out of line she doesn’t deserve better. She enabled her friend to make you feel unsafe for your privacy in your own home and nobody has to live with that. It’s just the consequences of her actions.
If you’re subleasing to her, you have all the landlord obligations.
HUGE violation of your privacy and as you have warned her multiple times in the past, it’s time for her to go and you to have a roommate that can respect others.
Her and her friend are acting like teenage girls not women in their 30s. What a nightmare
As long as it’s all legal definitely NTA for kicking her out.