Listen you’re not an AH and neither is she, your family suffered a significant loss and everyone is just doing their best to survive. It’s not always going to be easy and sometimes the stress and the weight of it and the responsibility is going to become too much, for you and for her.

Your mom is trying to support two kids in an economy that isn’t suited to single incomes and a society that isn’t kind or fair to single moms and she’s doing this when she’s probably never had the time or opportunity to grieve the loss of her life partner. I’m guessing with two kids to now take care of alone she had to put her own emotional turmoil on the back burner.

You are just as kid and it’s not fair that you had all this responsibility thrust on you, it’s not fair you have had to give up your last few years of childhood. It’s not fair to have to give up plans. You have also probably never had the time to properly grieve the loss of your father.

My best advice is to stop listening to everyone on here telling you to go nuclear or threaten to move out or refuse to help your mom anymore. This is an internet drama for them with NPC players, the juicier it gets the better, but this is your actual life and family. You will have to live the actual fallout. What you need to do is sit down and have a conversation with your mom about how you’re feeling, calmly and without getting angry. Maybe try to make a plan for childcare so you can have more time with friends. Maybe ask if there is a relative or a few who can pitch in.

NTA.

I understand your mum’s point of view about the birthday party if she had no other option but to work. You complied with her wishes and you stayed home to look after your brother.

To then say that you couldn’t hang out with your friends after school because you had been disrespectful and to ground you on the day that you asked rather than earlier in the week when it started is just controlling behaviour and she is out of line.

Why would she expect you to be happy to continue raising your brother when she stopped you having an evening with your friends after you were rightfully annoyed at missing a birthday party to do HER job?

Talk to her. Tell her that you have put in the time with your brother but if she continues to try to make you his other parent you will increase your hours at work to enable you to move out and live your own life as the adult you are.

Also tell her that she needs to find a childminder for the times you are not going to be available to take care of your brother.

He is not your responsibility. You help out enough. She is delusional if she thinks that you should be there taking care of him until he’s an adult. You will be 31 years old at that point. You have already missed out on a big part of your childhood.

Your dad died and your mom became the breadwinner and work A LOT (your own admission)to keep a roof over your head , and pay for the food that you cook to “help out “ with when you can . Now I didn’t see anywhere that you have a job that you help contribute to the family so it pretty much falls on your mom.

Newsflash here Princess, no money = no 🏠 and no 🥘 .

So why don’t you cut your mom some slack. She prolly get a load of shit at work to come home to a load of shit by her freeloading kid. Move out of her house if you’re so unhappy.

And if the missing info of you conveniently now working crops up- then by all means move out. Live your best life and attend alll the bday parties you want . Hopefully there’s enough money left over after paying rent , food, utilities and clothes ✅

Parents like this make me so angry. I’ve told a lot of people who have babies when they have an older child not to parentify their older children. It was not your choice for her to pop out another baby when you were 13, therefore it is not your responsibility. Yes, families should help one another, but not to the point of giving up their own life to do so. I knew a girl once whose pos mother had two babies when she was a teenager. She was the one raising them, got pregnant thinking it would get her away and then she’d only be raising her own kid, instead ended up raising three children and giving up her dreams to do so. All while her mother was out partying and hitting the casinos. You are 100% NTA, your mom is.

YTA You are an Asshole for not helping your mother who is struggling to keep your house afloat. God you please are absolutely disgusting. Looking out for your brother is not parentifying it’s just a word you people created so you don’t have to be responsible older siblings that help parents and take some load of them it’s always me me me. Give me money me to do this me. I didn’t give birth to him me. Never they are my sibling mom you go to work i can handle them for a few hours so you can bring food and pay bills for us me. You want to take everything from your parents but never want to give them back for everything they have ever done for you by sacrificing their entire life for you. Selfish

NTA

You are an adult but living in your mother’s home. Do you pay rent? If not, you are kind of over a barrel.

Start your escape plan. Get a job if you don’t have one, start saving, look into renting room situations and becoming self sufficient.

While living rent free as an adult, you really don’t have much of leg to stand on to refuse much which sucks, so for your own wellbeing, start your exit.

When you are close to having enough to move out, don’t be sneaky about it, be up front and honest with your mom so she can make arrangements for childcare. There is no real reason to torpedo your relationship with your mom and possibly lose access to your brother in the future.

Good luck.

I was you only when my younger sibling got older my mom just kept having them. I’m grown with my own child and my youngest siblings is a teenager. My mother still tells them that I “don’t have time for them” “don’t care about them like she does” when I don’t drop everything for her/them. Which i stopped doing years ago. This will never stop unless you set boundaries. She’ll still be a miserable selfish entitled narcissist but at least she can’t effect you unless you answer the phone once you’re out.
Being made to act as a parent isn’t “helping family” it’s abuse and any doctor will agree, she gets mad because she knows what shes doing to you and wants to break you so you just agree.

How much rent do you pay? You didn’t mention that at all.

You’re not only appearing here as ungrateful but also arrogant and selfish. If you want things your way you need to financially provide for yourself. Period. Stop acting like a spoiled ass brat. It’s embarrassing especially when she’s killing herself working to support you. I would be heartbroken if my daughter acted the way you’re acting. Especially if she wasn’t even pitching in.

YTA. Anyone who says different has had a charmed life or is a child. An adult will very easily ask about the income source then determine the answer. A child will validate you because they’re as spoiled and as selfish as you are.

NTA. My husband died 7 months ago, and I rarely ask my oldest (close to your age) to babysit the youngest. I purposely rearranged my school schedule so that I’m available to my kids before and after school, and only have class when they do.
I know how stressful it is to suddenly be a solo parent, but your younger brother is NOT your responsibility. And your mom has had a few years to figure this all out. You deserve to go enjoy life and friends without being parentified. It’s nice that you do help out, but your mom needs to make other arrangements.

NTA. You’ve been cut off from all activities in what I’m assuming is your last year of high school. All you do is work your job and babysit. If you are already paying for food and other things, she’s not doing anything special to help support you. She’s already having to pay for the place you live in and basic utilities. Don’t be guilt tripped over that. Look to see if you can move in with one of your friends and her family for the remainder of the school year.

NTA. Your mother needs to figure out child care because as a legal adult, you are likely to leave and start college, join the military, etc., and thus won’t be available for watching HER kid. Your mother is trying to train you to be her default child care option and guaranteed this will expand in terms of responsibilities she plans to saddle you with to full on parentification.

INFO: OP, do you have any relatives?

NTA. 

>accused me of being ungrateful for everything she’s done for me.

I hate this line. You didnt ask to be born. Having you was her choice. Not yours. She is legally obligated to care for you and your brother through the choices she made. She voluntarily signed up for those responsibilities. It’s time she make good on them. Forcing your brother on you is bullshit. Not your job, not your kid. 

To be blunt..either you’re a minor, who lives/financially depends on the parent and is forced to do such chores as necessary for maintenance of the household (which includes watching your sibling), or you are an adult, who doesn’t have to do those things, but is not obligated to be supported by someone else. There’s no such thing as free lunch. Don’t like it, move out.

Tl; Dr. The only detail I see here that matters is you’re 18 and your Mom still grounded you???!!!! You’re an adult. If your mother is still treating you like a child, I wouldn’t ever babysit again and focus all your efforts on getting out of that house.

Also, the next time she tries that remind her you are a grown up and will do as you please.

NTA.

Your 18. I’d straight tell her- I won’t help anymore since I am an adult you treat like a child. I’m getting a job so I can move out. I was willing to help but keep treating me like I’m not 18 so I’m prioritizing myself. Had you acted like a parent to me, not just my brother, you wouldn’t have to be looking for someone you now have to pay to babisit.

NAH – you wana live with your mom you’re going to have to contribute. Sorry that you got the short end of the stick, but if you wanna roof, food, and freedom to not work 80 hours a week. This is what you got. You’re going to need to help or pay for a sitter.

Sorry about your dad passing. But, this is your life now. That’s no one’s fault.

Your mom is lying to you, your brother is not your responsibility and she lying about it being what family does. She’s abusing her authority as a parent. Refuse to watch from here on out and tell her you’re learning the what family does from her behavior, emotional manipulation, vindictiveness and spit. NTA

NTA I’m glad you called her out of her treating you like a second parent. You did nothing wrong and she needs to own up that she’s treating you that way. If anyone needs to grow up, it’s her. Family doesn’t force a kid to look after a kid and force them in a parent role

She’s parentifying you, which is being a terrible mother. She’s stealing your teenage years and doing nothing but building resentment in you. You’re 18. Time to figure out how to get out of there. Otherwise your entire life will be tossed aside so you can raise her son.

18 yr olds don’t get grounded. You don’t need her permission anymore. Do what you want. If she threatens to kick you out, formal eviction processes take months, and you can’t be kicked out without that process even without a lease.

“I understand that I should help. What I don’t agree with, is you forcing me to change well known plans last minute and punishing me for being upset about it. That’s not fair, and you know it yourself “

Time to move out anyway

Yeah, my daughter tried “I’m grow up you can’t tell me what to do “ at 18 she was out of the house for 6 months before she realized life is not kind. A few rules are easy compared to not having a roof over your head.

Yta-at 18 you are an adult. Babysitting is how you are pulling your weight so mom can pay rent. Rent, groceries, water and lights are not free. Either pay your portion or babysit. Your choice.

not the a**hole. if you’re grounded for an “attitude,” then logically, your attitude can’t be trusted with childcare either. mom’s playing uno reverse but forgot the rules.

You are 18. She can’t ground you unless you let her.

On the other hand, she is the one paying the bills.

You are free to move out and take care of your own needs.

I’d skip in the babysitting and get a job so you can save. Childcare is your mother’s responsibility, that said she can stop paying for extras such as your phone.

Maybe NTA

But if you are living in her house, you abide by her rules.

The obvious solution is to find you some roommates to share the costs and move out.

You’re being parentified and guilt tripped into babysitting. Permission to do your own things is being used as leverage. You’re 18, live your life.

NTA It’s time you find yourself a job and start saving your money to move out. You’re 18. She can’t keep grounding you. You’re considered an adult.

When you say she “Grounded” you, is that code for you being held hostage..? Because you’re 18….she can’t “ground” you.

Family looking out for each other works both ways. You’re her child, but she’s treating you like an indentured servant.

Move out. Be an adult, and let the other adult realize you’re no longer the side her bread’s buttered on.

You don’t seem to understand she literally puts a roof over your head.
You’re being a spoiled brat.

Nta. He’s your brother not your child. Tell your mother she needs to be a parent.

Why does “family helps family” work only one way and mean deprivation?

When your dad died did his family just forget that you guys existed

NTA
If she wants you to coparent, then she can’t ground you.

Sweetie, you’re an adult now. Get a job and move out.

Your mum shouldn’t be grounding you at 18. End of