Why is Ashley only doing this to you and not any of your other friends or acquaintances?

Also, you say it’s only since she came out as trans, but did she SAY that was why she was doing it? I’ve read your post twice because I really want to understand, but the only reference I can find to her using “feminine” versions of your name and not using your preferred pronouns *because* she’s trans is when you accused her of that: “…if you think that’s ok because you’re trans…” Again, she’s only doing this to you.

There’s absolutely no other explanation except that she said it’s just a joke, but even if that were true, why would it be a joke *only toward you*? Surely SOMEbody must have asked her. (“Why are you misgendering \[OP\]?” “Oh, I’m just joking.” “Why are you only joking about only him, then?” What’s the joke?”)

There’s something I’m missing here. I showed it to my friend who’s visiting me this week, and she thinks this is actually a fictional anti-trans post, but I’m not so sure. I’m really hoping someone will enlighten me.

NTA. People forget that being trans doesn’t give them a free pass to be a shitty person, and love to accuse anyone that calls them out transphobic. I’d cut your losses and stop interacting with her; clearly you’re not the only one in the friend group to feel some type of way about her behaviour.

Be fully prepared for her to go nuclear and call you transphobic though. She could definitely try to mess with your personal life by spreading rumours. Make sure your friends know your plan so they dont get her twisted version of events. If you send her a text outlining exactly why you’re unfriending her and keep a screenshot of the convo, you can at least show people what actually happened & that you’re not transphobic, just sick of being misgendered on purpose.

NTA. Misgendering other people and telling them “it’s a joke” is what *bigots* do to trans people, and it’s really not any better when a trans person does it to a cis person. It’s just stunningly hypocritical.

Look, I know early transition is very hard for most of us who transition. And, if you’re on HRT, puberty is rough, regardless of your age or if it’s your first or second puberty. But being an asshole is not cool. It’s a shame another trans person can’t take her aside and ask what is going on with her that she thinks what’s used against us is “funny” when done by her

NTA, as a trans guy myself, I’m here to tell you that what she’s doing to you is wrong. You’re 100% right, if you were misgendering and using the wrong name for her, she’d be pissed. Sometimes trans people need a freaking reality check and it sounds like you gave her one. She didn’t like it and doubled down on your “transphobia”. She kind of trapped you, in a way. Damned if you do damned if you don’t. Always stand up for yourself first. You may regret not standing up for yourself later on so always put you first. She disrespected you. Period.

NTA.
Tho it would be good to sit her down and tell her you can’t be friend with her anymore. Not because she is trans but because she doesn’t respects you. Having one last conversation about your boundaries and how she ve been crossing it again and again and you can’t take it anymore would be good. Than making a joke on you that doesnt make you laugh is basically bullying and you wont be friend with someone that bullies you.

And record the conv in case she tried to turn around the conversation and tries to say you were being transphobe.

Just because someone is trans doesn’t mean the sun shines out of their arse. If they’re a horrible person they’re horrible regardless of their gender. You did the right thing- because if you continued being a door mat she’d only keep escalating. The only thing, by getting angry, is you played right into her hands- she wanted your reaction to make herself a victim, let’s just hope your friends don’t take her side- and if they do, then find yourself new friends. You deserve better
NTA
She’s TA

NTA. But also I have a lot of questions because this is weird. Is she doing this to other friends in the group or just you? If it’s just you, I’m surprised no one else jumped in to correct her misgendering you. If other people in the group don’t see that as a problem and think you’re in the wrong, it might be time to remove those people from your life. Especially since, if the roles were reversed, they would likely call you out for misgendering/dead-naming Ashley.

INFO : did you misgendered her during these 9 months ago ? If yes, how did you react when that happened and you realized you misgendered her ?

(I’m asking because, as a trans person, I know people can react in a way much more hurtful than the misgendered itself already was without realizing it, and the strategy to make them realize that is actually to do what she’s doing, so it can explain her actions, reaction to this night and your friends’ reactions)

Nta while you could have worded it differently, her being trans gives her absolutely no right to misgender people on purpose. This to me is the same as if you were to call her by he/him pronouns and a masculine name, it’s just not ok. If she can’t stop, I’d consider it the end of the friendship. Have a conversation, tell her you feel deeply disrespected as she would if you did it to her and that if she doesn’t stop, you can’t be friends.

Nta. Regardless of gender people can all be asshats. Your friend Ashley is an asshole. To purposely misgender you then try to villainize you as being transphobic because you have told her to stop is hypocritical. I don’t think you were out of line I think she was. It is fine that she is embracing herself genuinely but she, as a real friend, should be offering you the same courtesy.

NTA and no, don’t apologize. She falsely accused you of a transphobic attack after treating you like shit for nearly a year. Tell your friends you do not consider her a safe person to have around you, so while you’d love to spend time with them, there is no way you’re going to risk being alone with her again, period.

NTA. No one has the right to be disrespectful to you for absolutely no reason. This is very strange behavior on your friend’s part. I can’t even begin to fathom what their reasoning is. If they want people to respect them, they have to respect others. 

You’re very obviously NTA, I don’t get why Ashley was doing that, it really seems like it is to piss you off. And calling your reaction transphobic is beyond dumb.

Good riddance. And people asking you to apologize are brain dead as well

YTA for this stupid bait. “Because they’re trans” is a lie, or the rest of your post is. You either don’t like them because of their behavior, or because they’re trans, or both. Pick a side and be honest.

YTA for lying.

JUST because they’re trans?

yes.

because they’re an a-hole? no

i don’t see a distinction in this post but that may also be because i’m biased as i’m trans (that’s a point of clarification for the record)

I’m a cisgender gay man and have dealt with similar bullshit (other queer people referring to me as “she,” feminizing my name which is admittedly easy to do, etc.).

The irony is lost on these people.

Nope, not at all. Absolutely nothing says you have to agree with, condone, or accept that sort of lifestyle. So long as you aren’t discriminating, not liking something is your prerogative.

NTA

She not only is constantly misgendering you but she also tried to make you look like a bigot to your friend group. She’s not a good person and it has nothing to do with being trans

NTA

Being trans doesn’t give immunity to being an asshole lol. Give her a mirror treatment. Start calling her by male pronouns and refer to her with the masculine version of his name.

You are NTA, she definately is. Sounds like she has a problem with a gay man still identifying as a *man*. I think she owes you an apology for not respecting your pronouns/identity.

NTA. I’d have to ask those friends if they are asking Ashley to apologize bc she’s the only one in the wrong. Im sick of the keep the peace narrative to the innocent party.

Ashley sounds like a pick me! Super annoying, you are NTA. You’re right, why is it okay for her to misgender you & call you different pronouns when you respect hers????

NTA, she’s trans not mentally disabled or unstable, there is literal no valid reason for her to misgender you, berate you and bother you and then act like the victim

For being trans? Yes. That would make you the asshole.

For them misgendering you after you correct them multiple times? No. That would make them the asshole.

NTA

Even a trans person can be a complete asshole, and Ashley is one of those.

You did nothing wrong. Any friends who think otherwise are not your friends.

Nah, that’s a shitty person. I’m trans, I know shitty trans people. We’re not above the law, for lack of a better word, when it comes to social interactions.

ESH but you not as much. It was your lashing out and using her being trans that is my problem with you. Have you asked her why she’s doing this?

Nope – and I didn’t have to read any of your post to reach that conclusion.

You’re allowed to dislike people for any reason whatsoever.

I would just have returned the favor and called him a man. The difference is, thats what he really is while you are not a woman. NTA

“I’m sorry for saying I don’t like you because you’re trans. I should have said I don’t like you because you’re a total bitch.”

YTA because the title is bait. You don’t dislike her because she’s trans, you dislike her because she keeps misgendering you.

NTA. Sounds like Ashley is using her trans status to do whatever she wants and avoid the consequences of her actions.

NTA at all.

Being trans doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole free of charge.

A cunt is a cunt regardless of gender

(even if the actual cunt is man made)

Trump won, it’s ok to say you don’t like a lgbqt person again.

NTA. You were totally in the right. She should know better.

Dear God I can’t laugh any harder