Haunted by their intertwined lies and desperate pleas for forgiveness, he stood firm in his pain, refusing to be complicit in their new union. Each confrontation with his brother was a battle not just of words but of heartbreak and anger, a raw struggle to reclaim dignity from the ruins of a love that was never meant to be.
I (20m) dated my now ex-best friend Alia (20f) from age 13 to 17. We’d been best friends since pre-k and I adored her. I thought we’d get married as adults and have a family. But then I found out she was cheating with my brother (19m currently).
My relationship with both of them was over when I found out and it was messy for months. Alia wanted me back. She told me she made a mistake and we were meant to be together. My brother wanted me to see it as a mistake at first but then he wanted Alia and he told me he fell in love with her and wanted me to accept it and support them being together.
Then Alia wanted my brother. So before I’d moved out they were together and dating. I avoided them like the plague and any time they tried talking to me I told them to get the fuck away from me and treated them like a disease.
A couple of times my brother and I almost came to blows because he started getting angry that I wasn’t willing to forgive them. He accused me of trying to break them up. One time it got really close after a fight because I hoped the two of them were miserable and fucked everything that moved until they destroyed whatever love they thought they had.
He didn’t like me saying it but I meant it.
When I moved out I refused to see my brother after that. My parents understood but told me they hoped in the future we could be in the same room. Some family invite the two of us to stuff and I skip it to avoid them.
Other family members invite only me. It’s caused some tension. I told those people in my family that if they want to invite my brother to keep the drama down I’d see them other times.
But I have some really loyal family.
There was some tension several months ago when my brother and Alia were in an accident. I didn’t go to the hospital and I only called to see how my parents were doing. I didn’t care about my brother or Alia at all.
It rubbed some people the wrong way. It upset Alia really badly too and my brother started talking shit about me to some family. And then after a while he tried to get a cousin who speaks to us both to mediate for us and I told my cousin he didn’t need to because I still wanted nothing to do with my brother.
My brother and Alia are having a baby now and apparently once they found out they were having a boy they decided to name him after me. This was used to try and bring me back into the fold.
I have some family telling me I need to be in my nephew’s life and I better fix things between the three of us before he’s born. But I don’t want a relationship with their kid and them naming him after me changes nothing for me.
It’s getting me some shit from family members who say I should be over it by now and my only brother should be more important than some teenage cheating. I was told by some people on my side and others on the side of “forgiveness” that my brother and Alia’s relationship gets more strained the longer I refuse to have anything to do with them.
The family on my side tell me as a heads up for dramatic relatives. The people on the side of forgiveness tell me to shame me for potentially putting the baby through a broken family from day one.
They said I wished ill on the relationship and now a baby is involved so I shouldn’t want everyone miserable and I should want a relationship with the child. They say it’s disgusting I’m not willing to put the past behind us so I can be an uncle.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with the severe emotional fallout from being betrayed by his former girlfriend, Alia, who cheated with his brother and then quickly entered a relationship with him. Despite months passing, the OP maintains a firm boundary of no contact with both individuals, which is causing significant friction within his extended family. The conflict centers on the family’s expectation that the OP should prioritize reconciliation and familial duty, especially now that a baby is involved, versus the OP’s right to protect himself from the trauma caused by their actions.
Given that the family is pressuring the OP to accept the relationship and welcome a new child named after him despite the deep betrayal, the core question remains: Should the OP allow family obligation and the existence of a new baby to force him to reconnect with the individuals who caused him significant emotional damage, or is maintaining zero contact the only appropriate way to honor his own emotional reality and past pain?
Here’s how people reacted:
I think Alia still has feelings for you, and your brother absolutely hates you. So their motives are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum, but their end goal is the same, so the way they’re going about this whole thing is a means to an end that they want.
Keep up with staying away. They can continue to let you live rent-free in their relationship, while you go on to dodge that massive bazooka. You aren’t doing anything to them. They’re the ones who can’t seem to move on from you.
I would suggest possibly going low Contact with your parents and any mutual relatives that are pushing for reunification, for your peace of mind.
You’re living your life, and them living theirs would be absolutely fine otherwise.
But they did something awful, and people are treating them accordingly. They want everyone to just forget it now, as if they are just children.
But they are not.
That’s why you don’t do awful things, some people don’t get it when watching others and have to learn for themselves. Some people don’t learn even then.
But you owe them forgiveness, why? Lol they are actively still hurting you, so how could it be possible to forgive at this stage without also ignoring yourself and your hurt at the same time? Why would you, or anyone, ever owe their abuser that?
Since you don’t owe them anything, and since only you will prioritize your own well-being, as they prioritise theirs, keep on trucking and doing your best to live a life better than them.
NTA.
Not to mention its going to remind me them for the rest of their life of how they fucked up. Why would they put that on an innocent baby?
Those two are total pieces of shit who are none too bright. Their relationship won’t last. Alia only chose your brother because you wouldn’t take her back. It is probably her idea to name it after you too.
I would honestly tell any relatives that you are NEVER going to just get over it and if they can’t respect that, you are happy to block them too.
My relatives know why i don’t speak to my siblings especially one of them. For the most part they stay out of it. If any tried to “mediate” they would get one warning then cut off.
I think they want your forgiveness because you being (rightfully) upset is a reminder that they did something wrong and their entire relationship is based on them CHOOSING to hurt their brother and boyfriend. They clearly don’t like that reminder.
Maybe pretend like you forgive them and go to a family gathering and start saying things like “oh remember when she used to date me?” Or “good thing there’s not a third brother or you’d sleep with him too!” and then just laugh and laugh because it’s all in the past. See how they like that!
Your brother is desperate to get you to forgive him not becuae he is sorry, not becuae he misses you, but because it will validate his relationship.
Why let him back in your life when he has already proven that he is completely and utterly untrustworthy and willing to stab you in the back?
Block everyone that isn’t on your side. You don’t need that noise in your life.
For those on the drama or forgiveness side I’d tell them “they made their bed. Now they have to lie in it. Not my problem.”
‘This is never going away. I hope they sow the karma they deserve. I want no part of this.
Naming their child after me is an embarrassment for them, and when they have to explain how they came up with the name, good luck explaining it.
I’m out’
On the flip side, you could involve yourself, but use every opportunity to comment that you have hit that ass.
no no. THEIR relationship is strained because THEY are guilty of what THEY did to you. This is a them problem, not yours.
NTA
You have no obligation to forgive them for what they did and they wouldn’t name him that if they didn’t feel guilty and weren’t trying to use this as some sort of consolation prize.
You are an adult and have told them repeatedly that your vrother is dead to you.
NTAH
Unless they want you around to one day tell your nephew why he’s named after you and how you used to date his mom, they should stfu.
But OP did hook a few.
Your brother not right in the head for going for her.
Screw them all
Complete strangers is the way to go