For three long days, the flu has stripped him of grace, leaving behind a shadow of bitterness and blame that cuts deeper than the illness itself. She endures the harshness of his weakened state, caught between empathy for his pain and the sting of his cruelty, hoping for the man she loves to return from the darkest edges of his fevered mind.
My MIL is an ER nurse and a damn good woman to boot. She did a fine job raising my husband, especially being a single mom who struggled. The only problem is that whenever my husband gets sick, he immediately tries making everyone’s life around him a complete hell.
I’m convinced he does this on purpose due to how uncomfortable he is.
Some examples of his behavior (just so you know I’m not crazy) are him screaming all the time, getting pissed at absolutely everything and causing scenes about it, barking demands at me to cook, clean and cater to him and becomes insanely passive aggressive with everything he says.
In these sick moments he also finds a way to blame me for everything. After his illness has ran its course he becomes insanely embarrassed and apologetic for how he has acted.
Anyways, my husband has the flu. So he has been a dick for going on 3 days now. He sleeps all day and all night. In the rare moments that he puts his feet on the floor he is right at my throat.
“Where my food?” “Why didnt you bring the fucking trash out?” “Where did you put my slippers?” “Why the fuck is the water cold? Did you fuck with the water heater?” Yelling down the stairs “Bring me more water and meds.” No please, no thank you, just demands.
Its constant. Every single time hes sick. Which actually isnt often at all but whatever.
So this morning I’m cooking us breakfast because hes awake. He asked for eggs and toast. I hand him his plate and he gets livid because he cant taste anything due to his nose being stuffed up and pushes his plate so hard that it fell off the table and shattered.
Which immediately pisses him off even more and he storms off without cleaning it. So, I called up my MIL and told her she needed to come get her man child because I cant cater to his bullshit attitude and work at the same time.
She gladly came to my rescue. But my husband called me a stupid AH for involving his mother. He has since apologized but still thinks I shouldnt have involved her. His mom thinks it’s hilarious.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with extreme emotional distress caused by her husband’s severe behavioral changes whenever he is ill, which involve constant demanding, yelling, and blaming. Her decision to involve her mother-in-law was a direct result of feeling unable to manage his behavior while balancing her own work responsibilities, thus highlighting a conflict between her need for support and her husband’s expectation of unquestioning servitude when sick.
Was the OP justified in calling her husband’s mother to intervene when her husband’s sickness-induced behavior became unmanageable, or did involving a third party inappropriately escalate a private marital issue, thereby justifying the husband’s feeling that she overstepped a boundary?
Here’s how people reacted:
>I hand him his plate and he gets livid because he cant taste anything due to his nose being stuffed up and *pushes his plate so hard that it fell off the table and shattered*. Which immediately pisses him off even more and **he storms off without cleaning it.**
Nta, and quite frankly your husband sounds abusive. I don’t give a damn if he feels apologetic afterward, no human being has a right to scream at you and treat you like shit because they’re sick. That his behavior never changes shows just how much he cares to change, which is little.
I don’t know what your marriage is like when he isn’t sick, but honestly ask yourself if its worth having to deal with him screaming, treating you like a servant, and breaking stuff because he’s “under the weather.”
Again, you do not deserve to be treated like this op. Period.
Frankly, I don’t care how apologetic he is when he’s feeling better. The fact is, he‘s fully aware he does this, because it happens every time. He thinks that because he’s sick, he can get away with bullying you. That’s not okay, and you had every right to put him in his place. And if he isn’t going to show manners, you’re going to bring in the big guns, because while he may be okay pushing his wife around, no one in theor right mind screws with their mother.
Next time he’s sick, you let him know at the very start that either he’ll be asking for things nicely and showing your respect, or you’ll be video taping his shitty behavior toward you, then sending it to his mother. See how much she’s laughing about it when he sees her son belittling his wife.
Because if you’re in the US, I’m having a hard time understanding how you can justify asking a nurse to come take care of someone with an infectious disease in the middle of a pandemic.
Medical staff are massively strained across the US, and (1) it’s pretty shitty to expect her to keep playing nurse in her off time, and (2) it’s messed up to risk her getting the flu at home and then having to miss work at a time like this.
You absolutely shouldn’t have to put up with your husband’s BS, and you’re not the AH for wanting to draw a line with him. But I’d say you’re an AH for asking a frontline healthcare worker to deal with his BS in the middle of a pandemic.
I’d make some allowances if he were in extreme pain or the illness was psychological in nature but, come on, it’s the flu. It’s very unpleasant but not unbearable and it doesn’t fundamentally change who you are.
Quote by my psych professor—requested to post here for this [sub.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/7jdx2q/lpt_youll_never_truly_know_someone_well_enough_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)”
NTA
Yeah using this approach on your husband will be very difficult at first, for him mostly. I would still try this technique, simply because it would amuse me while putting up with his verbal abuse!
He treats you like shit when he is ill
You need to put your foot down
He either stops acting like this or he stays with mom whenever he is ill
Also if he doesn’t want his mommy called, he needs to stop acting like a kid
You suck because he is right you should have not involved you MIL sure she took him but the done she did her work and should not be
He is an Ass.
You should have gone to your MIL had a girl’s day if she was available and left him to fend for himself for a change.
I’m not excusing it, just worried about your and MIL’s health.