In a world where cultural flavors blend and friendships deepen, the subtle boundaries of understanding are laid bare. She offers warmth and hospitality shaped by her heritage, yet the walls of protection crumble when faced with an invisible threat—reminding us how love must sometimes fight quietly to safeguard those we hold closest.
I (26F) have known my friend since elementary school.
She has been dating this guy she met for a while and theyve decided to get married. She asked me to help with wedding preparations,so I’ve been going with her to everything.
I noticed places she chose served food she was allergic to. “Deathly allergic” having it cooked or eaten near her causes her throat to close up allergic.
Background: I’m Indian. At my house we would always have Indian food. Whenever friends came over, I would ask them if they would like to try some of the food, but I never forced it.
It’s spicy, and has different ingredients. I usually would order food or make something simple.
When she came to my house I did the same. I’d rattle off what was in each dish to see if she wanted to try it. She told me she was allergic to things that were in it every time. I could relate, I had a lot of sensitivity to fruits that arent as And while I’ve never heard of people being allergic to some of the stuff she claimed, everybody is different.
Once she even started coughing and saying she felt her throat closing up when my mom heated up her own dinner. I’ve never seen my mom move that fast to grab benadryl and toss her food out the door.
We wouldn’t even microwave food that had her allergens in it after that. I was so freaked out.
That was when we were kids. As we got older I would keep her allergies in mind. As we grew older I would go out of my way to look up food I could cook that she could have, call ahead to restaurants to make sure they had food options she could eat.
She was a bridesmaid at my wedding. Her being there was more important to me than the food we served that day so I opted to have a western dinner. This was something I got a lot of crap from my extended family for.It escalated to the point certain family members said they would not attend if I could not serve them a decent Indian meal (not something I should have cared about, but I was young, my dad had passed away not long before that, and I was trying my hardest to not lose ties)
So back to her wedding. maybe she plans on asking for substitute ingredients to be used I don’t know. However, one day when I was over at her place and talking to her mom, I mentioned that just in case we should have an epipen with someone in the bridal party.
She asked me who the epipen was for. “For __?” “But she isnt allergic to anything”. I just laughed it off and changed the topic.
Well when I saw friend later that day I asked about it. She just laughed and said it was just her way of avoiding Indian food. I was shocked, I snapped at her and yelled quite a bit.
I just feel so hurt that she could lie about something like this ,and to keep it going for years. It’s not even about the food.
I havent responded to any of her calls or texts for days now. When i spoke to my mom about it she told me that I should let it go, that I was risking my long friendship with her and possibly ruining friends wedding by refusing to talk.
Aita?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing deep hurt and a sense of betrayal after discovering their lifelong friend has potentially fabricated severe, life-threatening allergies for years, primarily to avoid Indian food. This realization clashes directly with the OP’s past actions of extreme accommodation, including changing their own wedding menu despite family pressure, creating a central conflict between long-term care and the shock of apparent deceit.
Given the years of perceived deception regarding life-threatening allergies, should the OP prioritize confronting this breach of trust and the trivialization of serious medical issues, or should they prioritize maintaining the friendship and supporting the upcoming wedding by letting the matter drop, as advised by their mother?
Here’s how people reacted:
So she’s racist to Indian people and their food, has lied to you for YEARS, forcing you to accommodate to her whims and she basically mocked every single with a food allergy, both mild and severe?
People like her are the cause of distrust when actual food allergies are presented.
**You altered your wedding for HER FAKE ALLERGIES.**
This is not a friend OP. Friends would simply state they don’t like eating Indian food and they won’t lie to your face on a daily basis and probably enjoy all the attention that comes with it.
I’m deathly allergic to strawberries. Like anywhere near me and my throat closes allergic. I’ve nearly died several times growing up and I’ve known people who HAVE died due to anaphylactic shock. Hearing someone lie about it just to avoid eating food is really disrespectful.
She needs to grow tf up and say she just doesn’t like Indian food. The thing that makes it worse is that it’s fine to not like Indian food. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. This lie was so pointless, which makes it all the more shitty
Luckily my food allergies are relatively minor and easy to avoid, but I recently picked up a new one (buckwheat — fuck) and a couple of foods that cause a colonoscopy prep level of GI distress.
More context: was she aware about you accommodating her food preferences at your own wedding? Did she know it became a source of stress for you?
And how have you known her for this long and never seen her eat good she’s been allergic to. Did she hide it?
Her response should let you know what you need to do going forward re: being her friend and being in her wedding.
It would be different if it was just a no thank you- but she claimed allergic reactions, like throat closing up; she messed with YOUR WEDDING!
She is not your friend. She has been lying to you for years to avoid Indian Food. You went out of your way to make her safe at your own wedding when the food would not have made her sick. That is cruel.
Lose the friend. Her actions are inexcusable. She knows better and could have come clean years ago.
Worse, she frequently, continuously, and fundamentally INSULTED an important aspect of your heritage – for mere CONVENIENCE.
Move on.
NTA.
She isn’t really your friend. NTA and *flense* this person from your life.
Your mom is wrong – you don’t actually have a friendship with this girl, you never did.
And you’re NTA for acting accordingly now you’ve realised the truth.
Maybe your friend is (was?) extremely conflict averse, and didn’t know how to dig herself out of the lie she created when she was a kid. Might be worth having a ‘come to Jesus’ chat with her and see if you can salvage a life-long friendship.
I would feel annoyed too but she was also a kid who likely didn’t eat much Indian food.
Of course it was going to feel strange and spicy to her… she’s a kid. Many in america eat nothing but brown, fried items…