Amid the flickering shadows of the scary movie and the warmth of homecoming, a young woman’s cherished memories of Snow White are challenged by a narrative rewritten by her mother. The simple desire to be a princess, to live in a beloved story, is overshadowed by a false version of events, leaving her to navigate the silent heartbreak of not being seen as she truly was. This is a story of longing, family, and the delicate struggle to hold onto one’s own truth.
So there’s this new Target commercial going around where a little girl dresses as a hot dog, and it came on while my family was watching a scary movie. I (20F) am home from college for the weekend and brought my boyfriend, and my mother (57F) decided it would be hilarious to mention that she’d made me a hot dog costume as a kid, except the way she told the story, it was my request.
She said that all the girls wanted to be Disney princesses, but I had asked to be a hot dog, and so she’d gone out of her way to make me that costume.
This is not what happened, and I said as much. What actually happened is that I wanted to be Snow White, and had told everyone, including the teachers, that I was going to be Snow White.
I was obsessed with that movie as a kid, to the point where I would actually get invested in doing chores because I was cleaning up just like Snow White. My dad and I would watch that movie all the time, and I was very excited to be Snow White for Halloween, especially because my ballet studio was doing a special “princess dance,” for Halloween and we’d all signed up for special princess slots, and I’d shown up early with my dad the week before so I could get to be Snow White.
My mother decided that she wanted to be quirky and that Snow White was a bad role model after I got in trouble for trying to cook dinner for my family. I was about eight, and I tried to make hot dogs, like how she made food for the dwarves in the movie, and I made a mess.
My mom “surprised” me on the day of with this crappy hot dog suit, and told me if I didn’t wear it she’d never let me watch Snow White again. She took a million pictures, the other girls teased me for months, and it was one of the most humiliating moments of my childhood.
I told the real story, and mentioned that I got through the day by pretending that she was the evil queen making me dress in rags, but the rags happened to be a garbage meat costume.
She got really quiet after that, and after we left, my brother says she was crying and looking at the pictures from that Halloween. I didn’t want to make my mom cry, but it’s a shitty memory for me and it felt like she was trying to humiliate me all over again in front of my boyfriend.
Conclusion
The original poster felt compelled to correct a long-standing false memory presented by their mother, which brought up a source of past humiliation regarding a forced childhood costume. The central conflict lies between the mother’s desire to present a pleasant, perhaps edited, family narrative and the poster’s need to validate their genuine, negative emotional experience.
Given that the mother’s action seemed intended to rewrite a painful memory publicly, was the poster justified in immediately correcting the record, even if it caused the mother distress, or should they have prioritized avoiding conflict in the moment to protect the mother’s feelings?
Here’s how people reacted:
One night it was super bad and I saw *her*… I came out of my room after I finally woke up and got out of sleep paralysis and cried to my dad (I was about 10 or 11) and begged him to check my room (it felt so real, I thought she was still somewhere around my bed…) He goes in and says “see honey, nothing to be afraid -“ then SCREAMS and yells “SHE’S GOT ME DEAR GOD HELP ME!” And bumps around in my room… I SCREAMED “I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU!” And bawled as I ran backwards and fell on my butt. He came out laughing and said “Geez, I was just playing…”
My husband seemed annoyed with this story and brushed it off and saw I was about to cry and said the dinner was lovely and asked me to go for a walk, and he told me that story wasn’t funny to him, and that he was sorry my dad was that way when I explained the night terrors. I did have a private conversation with my dad about it later and he apologized and said he didn’t realize my night terrors were that bad. He said he just assumed I was watching too many scary movies (I wasn’t)!
However, I feel like you were the one who crossed a line by bringing up your perspective on an event that happened 12 years ago. Your mom was sharing a memory that she thought was funny and sweet to your boyfriend ( once again, with good intentions ) , and by correcting her, you turned it into something embarrassing for you and painful for her. It wasn’t actually embarrassing until you interjected and shared your side.
You could have let it go; instead, you chose to remind her of a painful moment that clearly meant a lot to her. That must have hurt her deeply, especially when you said she was like the “evil queen.” You’ve now changed what was a fond memory for her into a painful reminder of your childhood resentment. Those memories are significant for her, and it’s disappointing to see you diminish that. remember, its her first time living too.
YTA.
That said, I do get the absolute outrage for “that’s fucking not what happened”. I just shrug and let it go because I decided I don’t care.
Unless your mom is one of THOSE. But it just seems like a good hard truth moment for her. Don’t stress it too much. If she’s moping around about it, maybe tell her you don’t hate her or anything but you certainly hated what she did back then.
She clearly had a different perspective and you set her straight. Just because someone cries doesn’t mean they’re the victim in this. Especially if the truth is that not only did you not want to wear the hot dog, but she threatened your favorite movie as a result? Wear this or else? Like WTF. If this is true, it’s pretty weird and messed up. I’d never force a costume on my child. That’s such a weird ass thing to do.
NTA, OP, but keep this lesson in mind with your own kids.
[https://cdn.apartmenttherapy.info/image/upload/f\_auto,q\_auto:eco,c\_fill,g\_center,w\_730,h\_487/k/archive/be5be93b61a829314a3efc35e628566a6f0ace87](https://cdn.apartmenttherapy.info/image/upload/f_auto,q_auto:eco,c_fill,g_center,w_730,h_487/k/archive/be5be93b61a829314a3efc35e628566a6f0ace87)
Things that my brother did are somehow now attributed to me, and things my mom absolutely did suddenly never happened. It’s frustrating, especially when those “stories” are shared with a spouse or significant other.
I don’t understand this habit of adults thinking it’s fun and funny to torture and hurt kids feelings , laugh at them the entire time, photograph it & then bring it up in the future to continue laughing at them.
I’m sorry she did that to you, it’s shit you’d expect from a bully. Hopefully the tears mean she at least understands her mistake.
I’m sorry that happened.
Just because I’m curious, where was your dad when your mom made you dress as a hotdog, and when she told the story incorrectly today?
She also didn’t explain how the costume came off and I publicly peed myself
Be the adult your kid self needed!
Nevertheless, thank you for making me laugh.
It was her choice to bring up the anecdote and lie about it.