The sister frequently complains to the OP and their parents about her lack of personal freedom, financial struggles, and physical issues, often expecting sympathy. The OP grew tired of these constant complaints, especially when the sister contrasted her own life with the OP’s career and relationship stability, leading the OP to tell her sister off harshly, questioning her life choices. Now the sister is upset and posting publicly about feeling unsupported by family, and the OP wonders if she was wrong for her reaction.
My (24f) sister (29f) started having children right out of highschool. She got pregnant at 18, and our parents and her boyfriend’s parents insisted that they get married. They now have five children.
11,6,3,2,1.
My sister and I are both close with our parents, and we have family dinners together often. I’m kind of to the point where I’m over it.
My sister has never had a job before, she has no college degree. Her husband barely makes any money. My sister complains that she can never do anything for herself, no one will watch her kids, she has no money, her body is ruined and she can’t afford corrective abdominal surgery, etc etc etc.
She is so annoying to be around, and her feral kids are annoying too. Her husband is never around either because he can’t stand her at this point.
Our parents gave us the talk at 16 and access to contraceptives. They encouraged us to get an education before settling down. My parents are pretty liberal aside from the fact that they don’t think children should be born outside of wedlock.
My sister chose to have all of these kids. She could’ve gotten an abortion at 18 but she wanted a baby.
Recently at Christmas she was going on her normal woe is me rant, and I finally just told her to shut up. That I’m tired of hearing her complain all the time. She then went on a rant about how I ‘wouldn’t get it’ because I have a degree and a good job, and my boyfriend and I don’t have any children, and I can afford to go to the gym and do whatever I want and she cant.’
I told her point blank that she put herself in the position she’s in because she’s a complete moron, and no one feels sorry for her. Our brother laughed and our parents are staying out of it, but they complain about her too in secret.
She thinks I’m a complete asshole, and she’s been crying on Facebook making sad tiktoks about how ‘society hates mothers’ and ‘where’s her village’ and, ‘it’s hard when even your family doesn’t care about you.’ Oh, and she’s pregnant again apparently.
I blocked her on socials and my plan is to ignore her but AITAH?
Conclusion
The original poster is currently in conflict with her sister following a harsh confrontation where the OP expressed extreme frustration with her sister’s perpetual complaints about the life choices she made as a teenager. The OP feels justified in her outburst due to the repetitive nature of the complaints, while the sister feels deeply hurt and publicly betrayed by her family’s lack of support.
The central question is whether the OP’s blunt and severe criticism regarding her sister’s life decisions was an acceptable response to repeated emotional burden, or if it crossed the line into cruelty, especially given the sister’s current distress and subsequent pregnancy. Was the OP justified in prioritizing her own emotional peace by delivering such a harsh truth?
Here’s how people reacted:
I had a baby young, just out of HS, under slightly different circumstances ended up up raising him alone. When he was old enough to go daycare I enrolled in our states medical insurance for kids, signed up for welfare/food stamps/WIC program and applied for every single grant I could and went to nursing school. My parents watched my baby while I was in school & I graduated a few years later with a nursing degree & a way to support myself and my child & off of welfare.
I’m not patting myself on the back-I’m saying your sister had choices. She could have decided what career she was interested in that would afford her the ability to support herself & her child. The marriage is/was irrelevant because it seems both her and her husband continue to make bad decisions & lack the fortitude to actually think about the choices they are making and make better ones. And they’re not even happy together, expecting a 6th child. The only ones I feel badly for are the feral children. They are growing up and learning how to be terrible adults that make bad choices & manipulate/blame others for it.
It sounds like you actually went a little easy on her in my opinion and the next time she & her husband were present and brought it up I’d tell them you simply just are not interested in having a pity party for their bad choices. They should grow up & start to dig themselves out of their misery & teach their children to NOT do what they did.
NTA, at all. I’m proud of you that you had the ovaries to speak honestly abut the situation and allow your sister to moan and groan about it ruining everyone else’s dinner.
Also your parents should have also spoken up as they played a part in this as well, insisting they marry when they did not have the financial or emotional wherewithal to do so successfully. Also encourage your sister to have her tubes tied after delivery.
But “shut up” is where everyone else gets a slice of the AH pie too.
It’s a steep hill and a big boulder. She’s bound to get discouraged and she is likely depressed. Wouldn’t you be? This is your sister and she’s in the weeds. I’m not telling you to take over her responsibilities or to put up with poor behavior from her family. But pointing her in the direction of afterschool programs with scholarships, pell grant information for her and maybe family resources that may be available in the community… that just takes a little bit of research and shows you care but you are not going to do it all for her. It shows you believe that she can make some headway in her challenges if she applies herself. If she slaps at the help then you can remind her that no one can fix her life but her. If she doesn’t want resources then she can’t really justify venting all over you.
And why would you be more tactful? Sometimes being harsh is better than trying to be polite and nice! Your sister deserved to hear these words because they are the truth! If your parents had ‘the talk’ with you and you took it on board and decided that sex is ok but kids can wait and she didn’t, why would you sit and listen to her complaining?! If she has no brain, how is that your problem?! You both had the same talk, right? One of you listened and the other one didn’t!
Why is she even having so many kids? That’s her decision as well. Either go on a pill, get tubes tied, use condoms or don’t have sex at all. How hard is it? She is irresponsible and dumb! And that is not your fault.
You simply said what everyone is thinking, plus you are her sister, it’s not like a total stranger is telling her this!
She made a choice and now she has to deal with the consequences. Tough 💩
NTA 100%
I went to school with a guy who married his hs sweetheart, and they had a child at 18, but they were amazing. Nice couple, one of them always had lunch with their son in our uni’s childcare. By 22, they were about to graduate and were looking at houses to buy. They made the rest of us look like underachievers!
Your sister made her bed. Well, she lay in it and got banged at least 5 times. Her kids, her problem. Her life, her problem.
Be forewarned: Some of the Reddit brigade will come along and tell you that you were not tactful enough.
Screw tact.
I know sugarcoating everything is in vogue now but fuck that. Look where that has got us as a society.
You could be writing about my sister.
She had 7 pregnancies in 9 years. There were pre term babies and back to back pregnancies.
And the complaining….dear lord.
You did fine
Were you harsh? Yes. Did she needs it? Yes.
She doesn’t get to put herself in this position, and then bitch about the consequences .
Poor as shit and 5 kids deep, and complaining about not being able to afford abdominal surgery.
Out of touch with reality.
You NTA. Honestly, you guys should have told her 3 kids ago.
The terrible thing is this burdens society…
Don’t kick her while she is down. You stated the truth. Now show her grace
You waited 11 years & 5+ kids to tell her she FAFO. She has to take responsibility for her own decisions. She had 5 years between 1 & 2 to get an education/train for a trade/job she decided not to, thats on her.
Are you the AH? Not really, no.
However, maybe sister needs her tubes tied.
I feel for you OP, but your life is so much better. You said your piece, now leave it.
NTA.