jails and prisons are super-spreaders of COVID. inmates are given almost no protection from the disease and lack adequate treatment. your son being in jail gives him an incredibly high likelihood of getting the virus in an environment where he may not receive necessary treatment
.even if he isn’t harmed by the virus, he could spread it to other, potentially more vulnerable people also in jail. if you have the capability to remove one person from an overcrowded jail cell in a pandemic and you choose not to because of a moral position, YTA. seriously, even if you don’t care about your son or you think this is good for him, think about the other people in jail, many of whom are innocent of any crime, homeless, drunk, or are in jail for any number of morally sound reasons. the more people that are in jail, the greater likelihood any individual one of them contracts a deadly disease.

that said, even if there were no pandemic, you should get your son out of jail. there’s no evidence that these displays of “tough love” and time in jail to “straighten them out” actually has a positive impact on the trajectory of drug users. [In fact, such stays in jail are almost certainly correlated with continued and more dangerous drug use.](https://www.narconon.org/blog/prison-sentences-dont-help-drug-addicts-a-look-at-post-prison-relapse-rates.html) this article talks about how jails and prisons don’t have any rehabilitation services and effectively leave inmates to sit in a cell. “drying out” does not solve addiction, this has been proven countless times, because the addiction can persist even years after they haven’t had access to the addictive substance. furthermore, being in jail can send people into a spiral that makes them *more* likely to overdose, and in your son’s case possibly move to harder drugs. meth sucks but it’s no heroin. it can get a lot worse. it will get a lot worse if he goes to jail.

substance abuse is a serious disorder, with intense chemical, physical, and psychological effects. presenting it as an issue of “morality” and “willpower” is both harmful and contrary to all available science. this narrative exists because of anti-drug propaganda and has resulted in the sad state of addiction we see in the united states and abroad. people who struggle with addiction are not moral failures, they aren’t worse people than non-addicted people, and in many cases turn to drugs due to our country’s abysmal mental health services and attitude towards mental health problems. please do the right thing and get your son out of jail, work towards better understanding addiction, and push for others to do the same.

NTA for refusing to pay the lawyer fees and saying you gotta do the time they give you. But your initial description of his upbringing sounds like you’re an asshole in other regards. Going to a public school that’s “basically ghetto” is not indicative of his future behavior, nor is going to a private school. The kids that went to the private schools in my town didnt behave any better than the kids at the public schools, they were just given more chances at redemption bc their parents were well-to-do. Everyone in my town knew if you wanted the party to have coke, invite the private school kids. A kid’s behavior is defined by a FAR greater degree by his home life and the influences of his parents than by his circle of friends. I never did the coke the private school kids brought to the party. Why? My folks taught me better, and in a way I was receptive to. I hope your son (and ex) can get themselves clean, meth will destroy them if they can’t, and I’d recommend when he’s out, you try some family therapy.

NTA- if anyone’s the asshole here it’s your ex. Your kid has been caught up in the middle of all of this and unfortunately ended up on the wrong path. Your sons had to grow up in a whole different life to what you would of anticipated, and it’s showing. However I would say the 30 day sentence would likely help a hell of a lot as it’s essentially a forced rehab, which is exactly what he needs. And he needs to see the other end of the life path he is choosing. You have been a great parent so far, don’t let your hopes down theres still so much potential for the kid. The mother needs rehab more than the kid though! I think the main thing you need to focus on is getting the kid away from the mother for a bit after the jail time so he doesn’t fall back into the same loop- help him sort a cv, apply for some jobs and talk with him about a real life path.

YTA for this alone,

>The odd thing is that my ex and I live in a very nice area, but the families often send their kids to private schools for high schools because they can afford it. Therefore, the local high school has a lot of empty seats and brings in kids who couldn’t behave in their own schools. The local school is basically ghetto.

Nothing else matter, this is a perfect example of why private schools should not be allowed to exist and how everyone that send their kids to private schools is complicit in the degradation of the public education system.

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Also sending addicts to jail never works, its a BS failed system as addiction is a health issue, not a criminal one.

Uuuuh… YTA ? Not for the jail thing that makes total sense and you seem to have helped out a lot with all the issues he got himself into. But who the fuck just doesn’t take action when they hear that their son and their mother are involved with meth ??? You should have called CPS

Edit: maybe CPS is the wrong call because indeed it’s for child care, but that doesn’t give any excuse to not take action, this whole post seems to imply that because he didn’t want his son to go to the bad school he is not responsible for anything that came after that…

YTA for thinking there’s more drugs in public school. You’re a huge snob and you probably wouldn’t let Cody sit in jail if he’d went to the private school of your choice. You’re only letting him sit in jail for 30 days (during a pandemic where people in prison & jails are dying at an insane rate) because you think he’d magically not use drugs if he went to your status symbol school. Nope! Cody would still be hooked on drugs. I mean, seriously? You think a bunch of spoiled entitled private school kids don’t use drugs and laze around?

NTA. I went through a similar experience with one of my own children. 10 days in jail and 90 days in a state-mandated rehab program. That experience was what turned them around and it’s now been three years of sobriety and a whole new life. They have to sit at the bottom of the well for a while before they’re ready to start climbing out. And even then they have to do the work. Don’t send your kid to a spa-rehab center. Send them somewhere that will make them do the hard, hard work. Best of luck to you and to your son.

NTA for letting your son face the consequences for his actions and decisions. Don’t fall into the trap as some of the other posters though, thinking that his jail time will function like a rehab stay, or a “scared straight” situation.

He’s going to connect with many more drug dealers in jail. He’s unlikely to stay anywhere close to the full 30-days, and he and his mother will cement their bond by vilifying you over the whole thing.

Good luck.

N T A for this instance in isolation, but jesus christ, in the four years between starting high school and dropping out you didn’t notice a downward trajectory? You didn’t think that maybe your ex was fostering an unhealthy or even dangerous environment for your kids? Where the hell have you been? YTA

YTA but only because I think if you knew your child’s mother was the type to get into meth etc, why did you leave the kids with them? It also seems like you gave up on your child at 14, there is no description of your interactions from ages 14 to 18?

It hurts to see your child go to jail. But maybe he might wake up and get his addiction under control. Is there like a teen challenge program you might be able to enroll him in? He is young enough and they have turned around young people. NTA

NTA. Clearly being supportive didn’t work. Time for tough love.

Once he’s done, he needs to get away from wherever it is you live. It sounds like he needs change of community. ASAP.

YTA: it’s not what you did imo, it’s the way you told him. I don’t know your life circumstances, but there is a better way to communicate his circumstances to him than “too bad”.

YTA unless he won’t have to go to jail for several months at least. COVID is running rampant in jails and prisons. This could very well be a death sentence.

NTA. It’s called tough love. You are making him face consequences for his actions. A kid who is never forced to face consequences… Google “Ethan Couch”

NTA….Addicts just take and take and take. Let him do the 30 days. He has to decide for himself when to make a change.