ESH. I absolutely don’t agree with your fiancé but you shouldn’t have gone behind him.

As an autistic woman who needs supports, I think you’re a great and understanding friend. We’re often told we’re childish when we take care of ourselves by self soothing or stimming, or not doing certain things which will affect us badly, because it’s not what other people see as “grown up” and they don’t understand how much we can struggle when we look fine and grown up on the outside. But really, there’s nothing wrong with a plush especially if it’s not in the photos. This is who your friend is. It’s a small thing that allows her to be present to support you.

I don’t have enough information, and I don’t know about you – it’s a flag for me that means you need to talk about this, a lot. Here’s why. Your fiancé most likely does not understand autism, or why the plush would be helpful for her. If that’s true, then that means he hasn’t taken time to understand such a close person to your life. That’s not necessarily malicious, just warrants a calm and nonjudgmental discussion. For me, the concern would come if he’s unwilling to learn or try to understand. The other possibility is that he does know and doesn’t care, which I hope is NOT what’s happening because that would be heartless and cruel. Why does this matter? Even if your friend is ok, this is a peek into how he may treat all different or disabled people as soon as it annoys or slightly inconveniences him. I’m not saying he’s a bad person, I’m just saying that it’s worth fully understanding where his head is at. What if you or a family member becomes disabled? What if you have an autistic child? Or a child with a different disability? How will he treat them then, if your good friend isn’t allowed to self soothe at your wedding simply because it appears “childish?”

NTA but i would be worried about your fiancees very childish and immature reaction has he always been this way?
Is this how he always gonna react during a disagreement give you the silent treatment?
He is also a bit abelist, again has he always been this way or has he been hiding this part of his personality for you. Some people can hide their personality for years until you get married to them and then it comes out.

It seems to me he might have some harsh judgements on your friend so how will this affect your friendship with kennedy in the future no chance this is gonna be a one time thing. Would he say the same about a wheelchair, cane or even glasses those can be quite a distraction too.
I would be worried if i were you

I think it is wonderful how accepting you and most of your friends of are of Kennedy being herself, no questions or explanations. Sadly your fiance seems to require more. Autism can look and present very differently from person to person. Kennedy’s stuffies likely help her in social situations with anxiety giving her something sensory to help her out. Being in a wedding party is so much more than a standard outing and it makes sense she will need something. She asked and you gave the correct answer. It is such a small accommodation but will likely have a huge positive impact. David needs to adult and educate himself and show empathy. I hope my autistic grandchildren find as wonderful a group of friends as they grow up.

If I found out this is how my future partner treats people with disabilities, I’d be calling off the wedding and ending the relationship. I have no interest in being with an ableist, ageist, racist, sexist, or any kind of bigot. Your friend needs her aid, it helps her regulate in overstimulating settings. A wedding most definitely qualifies as an overstimulating setting. If your fiance cannot understand or accept that, then I’m sorry for you that your intended is such a shallow person. My hope for you would be to find someone worthy of your good and generous heart. Someone who will love you and your friends with an open heart and open mind.

NTA.

I’m your age. My partner has autism. Throughout our relationship, I’ve encouraged her to use her comfort items whenever and wherever she needs them; the shame of needing them was and is hard for her to get over. But using them has made a world of difference for her.
All that to say, you’re in the right defending Kennedy. It’s great that your fiancée doesn’t struggle to do things like leave the house and sit in restaurants without a comfort item, but plenty of disabled people do. An autistic person carrying a stuffed toy for sensory comfort is conceptually no different from a person using a cane to help them walk steady.

It seems like he’s not very accepting of people that are challenged in someway. Imagine if you were to have a child that was autistic. If this is how he treats someone who is on the spectrum then I’m gonna say he doesn’t have the same value as you do from the way you’re talking about it. I would tell him the wedding is off or at least postponed while you do some introspection about the difference in your values. You need to think long and hard about this because it doesn’t sound like he be a good husband or father.

I went to a group therapy session and one autistic gal had a bag of stuffed animals- everyone greeted each stuffy by name and then continued the group. I was admittedly super uncomfy (I still didn’t know I was autistic and was silently masking 24/7 and had zero impulse to stim/comfort myself, I didn’t even own noise canceling headphones! Can’t believe I made it so long without them.)

anyway, NTA, sounds like y’all already figured out a great approach to handle this ❤️❤️❤️

NTA. Your fiancé is being overly controlling about this. Your friend is important to you, and it would be cruel to leave her out of the wedding entirely unless she agrees to come without the stuffed animal that she always has with her—and that your fiancé knows helps her feel safe. I’m not understanding his position or his anger over it at all. Who are the people who would think it “weird and childish,” and why does he want people like that at his wedding?

NTA. She needs the comforter to feel comfortable. It is clean, and will even be dressed to the wedding theme.
It is no different really than a cutesy handbag. He shouldn’t even be involved in decisions about what people are going to carry with them.
If he is that hung up on it being a toy, fashion a strap for its outfit to turn it into a “normal” accessory like a handbag. Surely he can’t object to your friend bringing a “handbag”with her?

As someone with autism who also has an emotional support plushie, you are NTA. In fact, you suggesting making it coordinate with the bridal party is wildly supportive and I wish everyone was that supportive!!! Your fiance needs to be sat down and talked to; it’s incredibly concerning that they are this mad about it. It seems like they’re more focused on what others think rather than celebrating your union *with those you love, as they are.*

NTA when I was a bridesmaid we all had a teddy/rabbit thing to hold while walking down the aisle that matched the wedding colours. If everyone has one it will just look matchy if he has that much of a problem. 

With out spending ages looking https://thebridesbouquet.co.uk/product/wands-teddy-bear-roses/

https://www.beautiful-bouquets.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/artificial-bridesmaid-flower-girl-page-boy-wrist-teddy-bear.jpg

This reminds me of a time that a friend was having a hard time in life so I sat down with her and we picked out a moose from build a bear and I purchased it for her as a birthday gift (even went as far as to put the voice recording in it with positive messages for her). She takes that guy everywhere with her. It make me feel good about it every time I see her with the moose who we named Tuck (after one the moose from brother bear)

NTA. Hocus and friend are a packaged deal. One will not be without the other. I think is great you said yes and Hocus in a matching dress will be absolutely adorable. I think you and Friend are right having Hocus keep friends seat warm during photos but please do have at least one photo with Hocus if not for you for friend. Friend deserves to have a photo together with their plushie.

NTA. If she can match the hue of her bridesmaid dress for an outfit for hocus, why not count them as an additional bridesmaid? I rather be surrounded by my loved ones as they are than worry about aesthetics. Shit just screams that you’re shallower than a puddle in the desert. Would love to see pics of the outfit she makes for her plush!

NTA but your fiancé implying your friend is “weird and childish” sets off some alarm bells. It’s not as if your friend asks you or him to talk to the plushie as if it were real right? Something as simple as a plush is innocuous and shouldn’t affect anything in the grand scheme of things.

NTA but dressing Hocus up as a bridesmaid is adorable. Also- for what it’s worth a plushie bouquet to match the other bridesmaids bouquets could potentially appease all sides of this situation if you just wanted to avoid an argument. But I still think your fiancé is the AH here

Just something my daughter finds helpful is having a toy small enough to put in her pocket. Would Kennedy be happy with a smaller pocket-sized frog she can keep with her, but hidden?

Just think yourself lucky it isn’t a three foot tall red dragon.

Your finance is right that it’s a little weird, but thinking it’s a little weird should be the extent of his thoughts about it. This is not a hill for him to die on, and it’s sweet for you to accommodate your friend. NTA.

I have a stuffed rabbit named Emily my great grandma made me that lives in a place of honor in a China hutch in my room. I occasionally take her out and give her hugs to make sure she knows I still love her.

Is it small enough that she could use or even make a small bag that would match with the dresses or flowers that she could carry it in? Or maybe have it in a small basket hidden among flowers?

NTA. It’s a very small thing to help keep your friend calm. What is your guy’s problem? It sounds like he’s irritated with your friend already. Do not give in. You’re a good friend.

I’m legit scared that if you have a neurodivergent child he would be too inflexible. I’m autistic and know the childhood of a strict Army Dad and it doesn’t do much but grow resentment.

NTA, and you also sound like a great friend. I’d be seriously asking your fiance what his views on mental health are, cause there might be a huge can of worms he’s hidden for a while

So, he said no…you then discussed it with him but did not agree on anything…then you told her yes…?
NTA for the stuffed animal, YTA for your communication skills

NTA, not sure what the big deal about the plush is, or why people try to change others that are supposedly important in their lives for weddings in general

I think you are a great friend for not even hesitating to include Hocus in the festivities.
Please tell me that Hocus’ full name is Hocus Croakus!

ESH your fiance already said he had an issue and you ignored him completely on it. That’s really not a good sign for the marriage

Kind of makes you want to design the bridesmaids’ bouquets with a little stuffed critter in them, doesn’t it?

NTA op you are an angel. I have seen post here bride n groom won’t invite people for aesthetic reason etc..

YTA. Sorry but you made a decision but it’s his wedding too and I wouldn’t want this in my wedding either

YTA. which relationship is more important to you? the one with your husband or the one with the weirdo?

Thank you for being such a kind and accommodating person. Everyone should have a friend like you.

NTA.

Don’t have any kids with him if that’s how he treats an adult with autism. NTA your husband is

Has Kay been judgemental and disrespectful about Kennedy and Hocus in general?

I don’t think this is actually about the frog toy for him. Nta

May we have a photo of Hocus (for tax)?!

What about a plushy flower bouquet?

Make it a bridesmaid outfit sorted