The simple act of squeezing a diet coke bottle becomes a silent battlefield—a subtle reminder of the control once imposed upon her. In this quiet struggle, the weight of old wounds clashes with the hope for healing, revealing how deeply the past can infiltrate the present, testing their bond with every unspoken pain.
We’re both about 40.
My fiancée was abused by her stepfather. I feel like I have provided a lot of support with her as she deals with the emotional fallout of this and resulting mental health problems. He isn’t in her life any more and hasn’t been for decades.
He also told her to squeeze the bottle of diet coke before she puts it in the fridge. Doing so makes the coke go flat, and really the bottle should be as inflated as possible to keep the coke crisp for as long as it can be.
I know that she learned this from her stepfather as I’d previously asked her to stop doing it and she said “okay, yknow it was him who told me to do it in the first place!”
However I don’t think she ever really stopped doing it, and recently it started up again. She can be very sensitive when certain subjects come up in conversation. I noticed that the diet coke she bought for me was flat because she had squeezed the bottle before putting the lid on it and asked her to stop doing it.
This conversation is pretty much verbatim.
I said, “can you please stop squeezing the bottle before you put the lid on it? It makes the coke go flat.”
She said, “Yeah, you’re right. Did you know it was my stepdad who told me to do that?”
I said, “Yes, I did.” (As I noted, she has already told me this). “I thought I’d have to be careful about this conversation!”
Then the conversation ended. She seemed fine.
The following day I learned that I am a horrible person for asking her to stop doing this, and that bringing this subject up shows that I value diet coke more than her mental health.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) is facing a conflict where a small, seemingly logical request about preserving a drink’s quality has triggered a significant emotional reaction rooted in past trauma. The OP’s direct request to change a specific behavior collided with the fiancée’s deeply ingrained learned response associated with her stepfather, leading to the OP being accused of devaluing her mental health.
Is the fiancée justified in interpreting a simple request about beverage quality as an attack on her past trauma and mental health, or was the OP reasonable in expecting a small, non-trauma-related habit to be adjusted upon request?
Here’s how people reacted:
Are you meaning to ask if you’re TA because you’ve inadvertently triggered her? Are you meaning to imply she’s TA for having this trigger and so you aren’t responsible for triggering her because you’ve decided enough time has passed (not really how triggers work?) For how she communicated? She seems to agree she should stop squeezing the bottle so I can’t see how she’d be TA in that regard.
No way can the real issue be flat soda. if you don’t like how she stores soft drinks or vice versa, just get separate bottles.
The empty space above the liquid allows gas to build up until it is at an equilibrium with the gas in the soda. By reducing the available space, you further limit the amount of gas that can escape before equilibrium is reached.
[https://youtu.be/7T9NbVYexhY?si=9DJYGNECuZbze0y3&t=92](https://youtu.be/7T9NbVYexhY?si=9DJYGNECuZbze0y3&t=92)
1. What did it say to them? / What did they hear?
That you were intentionally reminding her of her abuser when you didn’t need to.
Break it down further: It says you don’t care about her feelings.
Break it down further: You don’t care about her.
2. What do they *need* / what need isn’t being met?
There are so many alternative options, this doesn’t need to become an issue.
She tried to stop and reverted back, seems to me like that’s built in deep and will take time for her to overcome. If it’s so important to you that you keep bringing it up, we may have bigger issues here, but it can be solved at least temporarily by finding another solution.
What are you talking about? I don’t want a bunch of squeezed bottles, but the drink stays more carbonated with the less amount the air in the bottle. The more head space, the quicker the drink will go flat. YTA for being wrong while being stubborn about how right you are.
If you squeeze out the air, the dissolved CO2 hasn’t got any air to move into which keeps it in the liquid longer.
You are 100% in the wrong and making your partner suffer.
YTA
But meanwhile? either get your own soda, or suck it up flat. Give her a break.
NAH, imo. She’s coming from a place of trauma, you’re not being mean or harsh (based on your own retelling).
> Doing so makes the coke go flat
Yeah, what the actual fuck? Physics doesn’t care about your fiancée’s relationship with her stepdad.