ESH: Not an AH – for exposing him but kind of AH for doing it in such a dramatic manner… Maybe you could’ve shared the proofs with the bride and her family but not to all of the 400 guests… As it’s said, ‘one shouldn’t wash their dirty linen in public’
The matter could’ve been solved in a more peaceful and less insulting manner if was done privately…

Edit: To everyone who is saying that the guy deserved being exposed in front of 400 people, ask this to yourself that did op’s cousin deserve being humiliated by her cousin in front of 400 people? Yes she didn’t listen to him but she obviously loved the fake SEAL and he had manipulated her into marrying him. But such a harsh punishment when she’s already going through a heartbreak? Seems heartless….
Also, regarding him going and conning other people? They could’ve exposed him publically AFTER his cousin knew about it. Infact she could’ve been the one exposing him… It’s fine to expose the fake SEAL but not caring for his cousin makes him an AH too

Gotta go with ESH. Sounds like the guy who was lying is a huge asshole and sucks big time. I don’t fault you at all for exposing him. But, I think going as far to email all of those people may have been a bit much. The only reason I say that is because it doesn’t just effect him. Yeah, it’ll bite him in the ass, and he deserves that, but there’s some other people involved here that were being manipulated, mainly your cousin. This has probably been pretty humiliating for her. I think it would have been better to handle the matter privately among close family. In the end, the truth would have found out. It still would have been embarrassing, but wouldn’t have been so much of a shit storm. Your cousin, her family, and his family members that didn’t know any better would have had time to process that he was lying and accept that before people slowly started to find out. The whole thing just sounds really overwhelming for people that were already victims of his selfish actions.

ESH

You should have told your cousin once you had the proof and let it work itself out. Exposing him to 400 people and hunting out all his social media contacts to expose him is extremely petty.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you were wrong for getting the info and exposing him, but I don’t think you were the person that should have publicly humiliated him (and, indirectly, your cousin since they were going to marry).

YTA But only because of the mass email. That was completely out of line. It was up to your cousin to make that decision on who she would tell and what she would say if/when she ended the relationship.

I see nothing wrong with you exposing the guy because if he’s lying about this, what the hell else is he lying about and your cousin was about to marry a STRANGER who could very well be dangerous.

ESH. Borderline n t a

Fake vets deserve it. Massive a hole for that. You should have contacted your cousin privately about it but then again, those people bring it on themselves. Frauds get exposed.

Hopefully your cousin finds someone real. Could not even respect his partner enough to tell the truth. Shame. Better she found out now when she can still ditch hassle free.

ESH. I don’t like the military but even I can say that stolen valor is not okay, in any form. It’s great that you called him out for it.

*But,*

The tone in this post and the fact that you made this a public affair rather than keeping it private makes you an A-H as well. Spamming *400* people with emails and effectively doxxing someone is also a terrible thing to do.

Mass email is an AH move and makes you look petty.

Using a wedding as a springboard for maximum humiliation … AH move, and congratulations on ruining the bride’s day, who presumably had nothing to do with any of this … but “acceptable losses” amiright?

There are ways of handling this, and you chose the wrong way.

YTA. It’s not even close

ESH. Others have already said all the reasons he is, but this bit from you

> yeah for sure I could’ve proven it in another way but it sure as hell wouldn’t be as funny or spectacular as having Don Shipley call him out

absolutely cements you as a glory-seeking asshole in your own right. You put your amusement over your cousin’s well-being.

ESH. Except your cousin. He sucks for the whole stolen valor thing, you suck for exposing it to 400+ people without telling your cousin first, so she has to deal with both the shock of this enormous lie and what to do and utter embarrassment. Your self righteous anger isn’t enough rationalization to make doing that to her. Period.

I can understand your frustrations, and I think it would have been fine to tell your cousin directly and show her proof, so she has all the facts before marrying.

However, YTA for blowing up 400 people’s emails with this. These types of guys dig their own graves eventually anyway and you just took yourself down with him.

NTA at all, but does anyone know if there is an Army branch version of this Don person?

I know for a fact my Uncle never served in the army, he got discharged in basic for failing to adapt to military lifestyle, but he’s always posting veteran stuff and acting like he served in a war or something. It’s really gross.

ESH. Your ousin’s boyfriend should not be lying about military service. But the way you did this — blasting it across a wedding listserv — was dramatic and vindictive. The way to do it was to approach your cousin privately, give her the information, and then let her decide what to do with it.

YTA – assuming this post is real, which I doubt, this is something you bring up with the bride in private. It’s not your place or duty to decide who she get’s to marry, yet you went and embarrassed her before the wedding.

ESH. I get being mad and trying to protect your cousin, but sending an email to 400+ people? That’s an AH move, simply unnecessary and petty.

YTA for sending the proof to everyone. You should have just sent it to your cousin and left it there.