Tensions simmer beneath the surface, fueled by lingering bitterness and divided loyalties that pit a loving grandmother against a strict new stepmother, all while the boys stand at the crossroads of childhood innocence and imposed duty. This is a story of fractured bonds, silent battles, and the desperate hope of a mother fighting to honor her children’s true selves amidst the chaos.
I share two sons (11m) and (7m) with my ex. He left me for his wife three years ago, they got married right after the divorce. I mention this because there are some tensions present due to this and also due to the fact my former ILs and I got along so well and have not been welcoming toward ex’s new wife.
So anyway, ex and his wife put the boys in football and a church thing on their time. Ex actually signed them up for all the time but neither boy likes those activities. Ex says in his house they must do them.
I say fine, but they won’t do them with me. Ex’s wife is the one with the biggest issue with my decision. She is very religious and believes boys should play sports and attend church.
About a week ago my oldest was picking up a certificate from one of his chosen extra curriculars and me, ex and his wife were there while ex’s parents and sister were outside waiting to celebrate.
Ex’s wife starts telling the boys that they need to do the church thing that Saturday afternoon whether they like it or not, which was my parenting time not ex’s, and that they need to sign up for some other stuff for football which also fell on my parenting time.
When we go outside (without the boys, they were with ex) I told her she did not get to make rules or demands in my home and she better not do that again the way she did. Ex’s family backs me up and say she’s not their parent, etc.
She gets super pissed at me for doing that around them and then when ex finds out he tells me I’m an asshole and should have waited and discussed it after. I told him I only care about the boys not hearing.
And that he needs to nip that shit in the bud if he doesn’t want stuff like that to happen again.
She told me I made it even harder for their family to get along now and I should be ashamed. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a direct conflict regarding parenting decisions that cross over between households, specifically concerning extracurricular activities scheduled during their court-ordered time. The OP firmly asserted their boundary against the ex-wife making rules during the OP’s parenting time, which led to significant anger from the ex-wife and criticism from the ex-husband.
Is the OP justified in immediately confronting the ex-wife publicly about setting rules on their parenting time to protect the children from the conflict, or should the OP have waited to address the issue privately with the ex-husband to maintain a less volatile co-parenting relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
Start calling her Jezebel. “Please pass the salt, Jezebel. I like your ankle-length mumu dress with matching cardigan and orthopedic shoes, Jezebel. Wow, I didn’t know Ogilvie still made home perms, Jezebel. Hey, Jezebel, have you guys thought about getting a dog or two?”
Tell her you’ve seen the light and agree to be baptized, but only if they’ll do it on your front lawn. When she arrives with the pastor, direct them to the baby pool, accidentally splash some water on her and scream “SHE’S MELTING!”
Start carrying a flask. Every time she mentions the Bible, yell “I’ll drink to that!” and take a swig.
Ask her questions about the New Testament. When she talks about the crucifixion, pump your fist in the air and yell “woo hoo!” When she confronts you, look confused and tell her you thought you were supposed to be rooting for Judas. “All J names kinda sound the same, don’t they, Jezebel?”
Also, an aside: stepmom will probably back off a lot when she has her own kids to rule over.
Like it or not, the 3 of you are a team in raising these young men, and arguing with one another about such things in front of them is childish behavior.
My apologies as your ex’s wife sounds insufferable. But you and ex really need to figure stuff out without undermining whatever you both determine are the shared values you are seeking to impart upon your progeny.
I don’t care. She’s not their mother. Football is dangerous and I don’t agree with religious training of children. I’d probably already be in court dealing with this. How dare she order your kids around. Much less in front of you.
ETA:(Per OP: It is American football which was the sport I am referencing.)
>Ex’s family backs me up and say she’s not their parent, etc
They’re correct and they have every right not to like a woman that targeted a married man. (Per your comments.)
You’re the reason they can’t get on well as a family with the kids?
Your eldest will be able to choose who he wants to live with in a few years, if they keep forcing him to participate in things he doesn’t care for, and keep forcing him to go to church, they aren’t going to see him often when he’s 15 or 16!
If its harder for their family to get along its because of THEIR actions, not yours.
So you could have a bit more empathy in that regard maybe, but you are definitely NTA for standing up for your kids, and to not have them overhear arguments.
Oh the homewrecker gets to tell the mom how to do things now? Are those her family values in action?
I’d usually never say that sort of thing about a woman, unless she was pushing hypocritical values like this. NTA
And I hope your ex realizes if he keeps forcing the boys to do thing they don’t want to do at his house then eventually they are going to start to asking to not go to his house. Speaking from experience.