AITA for refusing to pay for nephews schooling after he stole from me?

He had quietly set aside a secret treasure for his nephew’s future—$40,000 tucked away in mutual funds, a silent promise to support his dreams. It was a gift born from love and hope, meant to fuel hard work and scholarships, not to be touched until the right time. This was his way of protecting the boy he cared for, a guardian without children of his own, offering a lifeline where his brother could not.

But betrayal cut deeper than any financial loss. The nephew, trusted and cherished, was stealing from him—small amounts that soon added up, a breach of faith that shattered the quiet bond between them. Hidden cameras revealed the truth, forcing a painful confrontation that tore at family ties and left dreams hanging in the balance.

AITA for refusing to pay for nephews schooling after he stole from me?

My nephew doesn’t know that I have some money saved away for his schooling. Not a ton about 40k. It’s not a college fund just some mutual funds I have. My brother and I agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money.

I don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much.

Well until he started stealing from me. This summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. He would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars.

At first I didn’t notice but then I withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. Some of my jewelry also went missing and I realized what might be happening so I installed a hidden camera off Amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet.

I contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that I’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. My brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until I sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money.

I’m pissed at my brother because he revealed I was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. He begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness.

I’m firm and tell him no.

Here’s how people reacted:

loudent2

NTA – Here’s what I’m sure happened. Your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. The nephew couldn’t care less and think what he did was fine. At that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you.

He wants the money, he is not genuinely remorseful. Think of it as free money and treat yourself.

Novel_Ad_7318

NTA – he is 21 years old according to a reply and seems to be only sorry now that he got caught and realized how severe the consequences are. 40k are A LOT of money, especially at that age and he openly disrespected you in such a way. This is terrible. If he needed money for something important, food, medicine, etc. – he should have asked, not stolen it. And apparently, he has done so repeatedly. Hell no.

Mela726

NTA. it’s your money. Use it how you want. You never promised him anything and if your brother didn’t tell him, he would have never known.

Your nephew didn’t even try asking for the money before resorting to stealing. That says a lot about his character. So does his lack of remorse until he realized what he lost out on. Don’t give him anything.

Tabbyannabel

He stole money and jewelry repeatedly which also makes me wonder what he needed the money for. Does he have a drug addiction? Gambling? Uncontrollable spending? Would he even have used the 40k wisely in the first place to pay off school? Definitely NTA and at 21 years old your nephew needs to get his act together.

JeepersCreepers74

NTA. Thank goodness all that money was still in your name in some mutual funds. If your nephew was stealing from you, who wasn’t he cheating in his life? Losing out on the money is a tough lesson for him to learn, but a lot easier than jail, which is where he was headed.

benx101

NTA

YES HE WAS STEALING

also the idea of having money saved up but not being able to use it for college even if he gets in through scholarships is just scummy. Like what. We’re you thinking it was just gonna be like a money gift and he uses it on a house or car.

hey-demons-its-me-ya

NTA and he should be thankful you aren’t pressing charges. He’s very obviously only “apologizing” to get the money, he’s not sorry. If he *truly* was so desperate for money, why didn’t he just ask? It’s not like it’s embarrassing to be broke in college.

Ms_Dizzy_Star

NTA

Your nephew is a thief and his dad is ok with it because he still wants you to give his son the money despite the theft? Nope! Maybe you can donate to your college and set up scholarship funds for deserving students.

Knitsanity

NTA. Your money your decision. Did he steal from him Dad as well?

If you want to do something good with that money I would locate 4 worthy kids from your local town or city and give them the money towards their loans.

ChannelSignificant63

I was definitely you’re TA when I assumed he was 14-16 and should be given a chance to make it up to you. But 21?! He is a grown adult who should know better. Absolutely NTA. Hopefully he learns his lesson now.

ComprehensiveBand586

NTA. It’s interesting how in all his “apologies”, he doesn’t seem to have offered to return your jewelry (which he probably pawned) or repaid you the money. Don’t give him a cent.

d4rkr4inbow

Nta. Actions have consequences. He stole from you multiple times. I bet he wouldn’t be begging you for forgiveness if he didn’t think he was getting a big reward for it all.

theDagman

NTA He’s only sorry that he got caught. He’s not sorry for betraying your trust. Keep the money, put it towards your retirement.

PRM2020

NTA – a thief that steals from his own family is the lowest of the low. He does not deserve your hard-earned money.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing a difficult situation where a significant financial gift intended for their nephew has been revoked following the discovery of theft. The core conflict lies between the OP’s desire to support the nephew’s future and the justified response to the nephew’s breach of trust through theft.

Given the nephew’s proven dishonesty and the brother’s perceived betrayal by revealing the secret fund, is the OP entirely justified in withdrawing the $40,000 education fund, or does the initial intention behind the gift warrant a different approach despite the theft?