As Lori’s tears fall unnoticed, the weight of injustice ignites a fierce protector in a fifteen-year-old bystander, who refuses to stand silent. His outrage shatters the fragile excuses and challenges the complacency that allows cruelty to fester unchecked, demanding accountability where there has been none.
I (15M) go to school with a guy I’ll call Jake. Jake has high functioning autism and is also a bully. He wont ever try on someone bigger than him (like me), but he will go after smaller guys, and seems to really like to go after the girls.
He will always say he didn’t understand what he said was inappropriate and he is never held accountable by the teachers.
So on Monday he was really harping on a girl I’ll call Lori. I’ve known Lori since I was six and I can say she is quiet, and keeps to herself because she’s so self conscious, because when she was little she was involved in a fire and got badly burned.
He wouldn’t stop telling her how ugly she was and how she’d never get a boyfriend because no one wanted to be around something like that. She said he was being cruel, but he still wouldn’t stop.
Lori started crying, and our teacher tried to say he probably just didn’t understand what he did, and I blew up.
I said it was ridiculous that everyone kept giving him a pass to bully people because they’re afraid of upsetting the autistic kid. Well I wasn’t, and there was no way he didn’t know it was inappropriate to call her ugly and continue insulting her even after she told him he was being cruel.
He’s a bully, him having autism doesn’t make him any less of one and it was ridiculous to expect others to just get bullied to spare his feelings.
The teacher gave us both detention and Jake is trying to play the victim, but I made it clear he was just a bully and I have no tolerance for bullies. The rest of the week, no one would talk to him or associate with him and now he’s blaming me for “ruining his life“.
His mom called my mom yesterday and asked me to apologize. I won’t and now she’s upset and says I’m bullying her kid. My mom says to do what I feel is best, but my grandmother thinks it was an asshole move to call him out in front of everyone and I should be the bigger person and apologize.
AITA for not apologizing?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced a strong conflict between his desire to defend a vulnerable friend from severe verbal abuse and the resulting social and disciplinary backlash he received. He stands firm in his belief that accountability for bullying should not be waived due to a disability, while others, including the bully’s mother and his grandmother, feel his public confrontation escalated the situation unnecessarily and demand an apology.
Given the OP’s refusal to apologize against external pressure, the central question remains: When faced with clear, intentional cruelty, is standing up publicly for a victim more important than adhering to social conventions that prioritize avoiding conflict with a person known to have special needs? Where should the line be drawn between protecting vulnerable individuals and holding perpetrators accountable, regardless of their diagnosis?
Here’s how people reacted:
I now take care of a lot of individuals who’s parents “babied” them. I am now trying to curb inappropriate behaviors they were allowed to do because now being around others, it’s not acceptable at all. So it makes my life hard because how do you stop someone who was told it was okay for 25 (whatever) years. It’s nearly impossible and then their peers do NOT like them. It’s hard and sad in the end
You’re completely right. While some autistic people do have a hard time with having a filter, blatantly doing it over and over and **OVER AGAIN** is clearly not his autism. It’s just, as you said, bullying. Being a bully isn’t exclusive to neurotypical kids, anyone can do it. Letting him pass like this is also not doing any good for Jake himself, no less anyone else, especially when it comes time for him to go out into the real world.
Anyhow, good on you for defending Lori and not letting him get away with his shitty behavior, unlike everyone else. I bet she’s beautiful and she doesn’t deserve any of that. Don’t apologize to Jake’s mom either because he got what he deserved.
You’re a good guy.
speaking as a higher functioning autistic person with all sorts of other fun issues like being bi-polar, OCD, ADHD…. even \~\*I\*\~ know better than this.
do NOT apologize. continue to state exactly what it is you have been saying and don’t back down. there are times in your life where what you do defines not only who you are, but also who you want to be; and this, my friend, sounds like one of them!
As a parent myself I rarely say this, but I blame his parents.
I HAVE autism, and that’s one of my biggest pet peeves, is people using the way they’re built to be a jerk. His mom is teaching him he’s a special snowflake and shit manners. And he’s going to continue to have consequences just like what you dealt out because he’s a jerk. That is 100% life
Edit to ad- NTA
It sounds like the mom is the AH. When you have a child with a deficit you help them to be the best they can be.
In no way should she excuse that behavior, or expect others to excuse that behavior. She is crippling his social skills with that type of attitude.
It sounds like Jake uses his autism as a defense to try and get away with bully behavior. Good for you for standing up for Lori and don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. If people refuse to be around him, well that’s on him.
If you do something because it’s the right thing to do never apologize for that.