Absolutely NTA. When I was a teacher, all of my married colleagues had a spouse who was financially supporting them. I started out making 23k (just over the state threshold for food stamps) and barely made it two years before moving in with my boyfriend out of financial necessity (and then couldn’t save money to leave when the relationship soured). I went years without being able to afford to use my health insurance, without needed new clothes, without a safe car to drive, without the money to go home to my family for the holidays.

As a new teacher, she’d almost certainly start her career in a difficult position in a high poverty, high conflict school. To weather working 6-5 during the school year, then paying out of her own pocket to attend required career development training for 6-10 of her 12 week summers (in addition to paying to outfit her classroom and give school supplies to her kids) requires the utmost passion and dedication to the work. The majority of new teachers burn out within 5 years. I did after two years in public and two in juvenile detention. I’m still ashamed, but I’m in good company. And seeing how many teachers are now told “expose yourself to COVID or permanently lose your teaching license”, the sheer contempt many administrations hold for teachers is becoming particularly blatant.

Honestly I think it’s unlikely (but of course not impossible!) that someone raised in such a comfortable, conflict-free life would happily adapt to many years (if not her whole career) of living in near poverty in order to work a job that can exhaust you physically and mentally. Sure you *can* work in a relatively calm school and make a middle class income, but that is highly dependent on your location, tenure, and luck. I really think you did the right thing here.

NTA. You are doing your kid a solid for making it clear to her the decision she’s making while remaining supportive. My family didn’t have money, and I still had NO concept of finances going into college. You are being a good parent by helping her understand finances now, as long as you remain supportive of her decisions and you’re very careful to make it clear that you’re not using this as a way to control her. She can still be a teacher, but she might realize she needs to pursue the type of teaching career that will make her more money in the long run (being a professor, teaching at a private school, etc.).

As a side note, if you’re really that well-off, would you support her in 5-6 years if she wants to go back to school to change her career? Lots of people change jobs over time or go back to school, it sounds like your family’s privilege might afford her that flexibility.

NTA. You’re right, your family is very privileged in the financial realm, and going over that with your daughter so that she can make the most well informed choices for herself going forward is being a responsible parent. Too many kids go into college expecting to come out with a glorious lifestyle, without fully comprehending how much time, effort and income their desired lifestyle actually requires. So showing her exactly what your family makes for income and how you’re choosing to spend it, and where changes could be made if it was needed, is finances 101 and will definitely help her avoid debt and other financial decisions that could cause her serious challenge down the road.

NAH, but be careful here. She’s 17, she hasn’t established herself as an adult and hasn’t begun to figure out what kind of lifestyle she would be happy with. She is obviously familiar with the lifestyle that your income level supports, but there’s a 50/50 chance that she will/won’t be happy living this lifestyle 10+ years from now. Many, many middle class families live happily with a much less expensive lifestyle.

You owed it to her to have that conversation, now let her decide from here. If she chooses to carve out her own path and you constantly inject your opinion, she will think of you as an asshole for the rest of her (and your) lifetimes.

Jessica Day: It’s actually *utmost*.

Nick Miller: Utmost!? That’s silly. What’s an ut?

Now that I got that out of the way, I say NTA. Honestly, you’re doing more than most college counselors and advisors are doing to help students figure out their career and academic goals. My college counselor literally handed me a list of schools that might interest me and that was the extent of my “bright future” discussion. It’s good that she has a better idea of the income and what it takes to be a teacher so that she can determine if it’s actually right for her. That’s what every kid should be doing before making such big decisions.

NTA, you gave her the full scope of what to expect compared to her current accustomed lifestyle if she decided a career as teacher.

Your intention was to be informative not discouraging. More parents need to havethese kind of conversations and the financial impact of each respective job. It be naive to say finances should not play a factor into deciding a career but the truth is certain lifestyles is achieved with money. Nothing wrong with being financially motivated while pursuing a specific career. Your SIL needs to butt out.

NAH.

You’re doing a good job by going over budgeting and finance stuff with your daughter, and showing her the realities of a $40k a year job as contrasted with a $400k job, absolutely N T A.

Your SIL is extolling the virtues of her profession, which she loves. It’s an honorable and admirable profession. Definitely N T A.

Your daughter is a passionate teenager, certainly N T A.

Sounds like a good, healthy family to me.

YTA for not making her more conscious of her privilege and how much it costs to maintain her current lifestyle *before* this. That way, maybe you’d have had time to work on helping her set priorities so she doesn’t feel pressured to go into a field she’s not actually interested in just for the salary. Which *is* what you’re doing, despite your protests to the contrary, and I’m pretty sure you know it.

NTA. You’re preparing her for the reality that she is going to face after college. You are literally teaching her budgeting. You did not say “don’t pursue teaching”, you just taught her about what different salaries can buy. If she isn’t prepared to deal with the lifestyle it comes with, she shouldn’t be a teacher.

Honestly it seems like this was the most responsible course of action for both of you.

YTA- Support her dreams, don’t squash them. This isn’t your path to choose. She’s 17 and already knows her passion. Let her explore that. She may be the greatest teacher, become a professor, or she may get to college and discover something completely different. Let her flail, experiment, and pursue her interests. This is her life journey and there is no greater gift than encouragement.

YTA you raised your child to be so spoiled that she’s physically unable to live without her designer clothes and horse back riding?

You failed as a parent. I understand having a drive to be able to buy nice things but if she’s refuses to follow her passion simply because it doesn’t include Gucci belts you absolutely failed as a parent far before the teaching issue.

NTA, in fact I’d say your SIL is TA for not going into this with her while discussing it with her. It’s all well and good to be passionate about something, but let her go into her passion with full knowledge of what she’s getting herself into.

How many people have gone to college with expectations only to be spit out into the real world with their dreams dashed.

If you explained the reality to her as you stated it, then I see nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with talking about finances, especially when she is about to commit to a substantial time/money investment into her future education in that direction. What did SIL say? She should just live off sunshine and passion? And marry rich?

NTA

NTA: Teaching her about the realities of any profession is good, BUT you should also teach her about the positives and negatives of other careers. Every career comes with some sort of sacrifice, be it money, time, control over where one lives, etc. Giving her a full picture of what her life could be on a variety of career may be helpful.

NTA If her passions can’t survive the thought of making economical choices they aren’t passions so much as whims.

That being said, I hope you’re showing her more options than doctor or bust.

INFO: When you were talking with her, did you say anything denigrating her choice or pushing her towards a career you’d like better? Or did you keep the conversation focused on financials?

NTA
Simply doing your job as a parent, whereas the science teacher was withholding vital truths about the professional reality.