When he reached out for help, claiming hardship, she opened her heart and her wallet, trusting family meant more than empty promises. But as months slipped by, the debt remained unpaid, swallowed by a lifestyle that mocked her kindness and left her grappling with betrayal and disbelief.
So I (32F) have a younger brother, “Mark” (29M). He’s always been a bit of a show-off, the type who loves to flaunt his “success.” But honestly, he’s not really successful. He’s got an average job, but he lives like he’s rolling in money: high-rise apartment, designer clothes, fancy dinners, frequent vacations…you get the idea.
All of this on a salary that, trust me, doesn’t come anywhere close to covering that lifestyle.
About a year ago, Mark asked me for a “small loan” because he was apparently “going through a tough time financially.” He said he’d be able to pay me back in three months. I didn’t think too much of it at the time—it was a decent chunk of change, but I figured hey, he’s family, he’ll come through.
Fast forward three months…and nothing. I asked him about it, and he gave me some excuse about “unexpected bills” and needing a little more time. I tried to be understanding, but this went on for months.
And it’s not like he’s living frugally while he’s sorting things out. While he’s “paying off these debts,” he’s STILL taking vacations and buying expensive stuff. He doesn’t even try to hide it!
I mean, I’m literally seeing him post pictures on his Instagram from some luxury resort, captioned “Treat yourself, you deserve it 😎.” Meanwhile, I’m at home working my butt off, budgeting, and he owes me thousands.
So, a few days ago, he calls me up asking for *another* loan, saying he’s short on rent for his high-rise place. I just straight-up told him, “Mark, I’m done funding your lifestyle.
I want my money back, and until then, don’t ask me for anything.” He went off about how I’m being “stingy” and how “family’s supposed to help each other.” He even had the nerve to say I don’t “understand his struggle,” as if I don’t work hard myself to afford my own lifestyle (and I’m *not* living lavishly).
Now, he’s dragged some family members into it, and they’re split. Some are saying I’m being harsh because “I can afford it” and I should “help him out” while others think it’s time he learned to live within his means.
But honestly? I’m just frustrated. I tried to help him, and I’ve been patient for a year, watching him throw money around on luxuries while I go without things I want to be responsible.
So, AITA for cutting him off? Or should I just keep helping him out since he’s my brother?
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) reached a breaking point after patiently lending money to her brother, Mark, who failed to repay the debt while continuing to fund an extravagant lifestyle. The central conflict arises from the OP establishing a financial boundary based on responsibility and repayment, which Mark aggressively rejects by demanding further aid and invoking familial obligation.
When a pattern of financial irresponsibility conflicts with a family member’s right to protect their own resources, is the OP justified in refusing further loans and demanding repayment, or is the expectation of unconditional financial support within a sibling relationship more important?
Here’s how people reacted:
Same horribly written story. Again, and again, and again…
It’s also funny (can’t think of a more apropriate word) how they also immediately employ a few accounts prepared to reinforce the message and stimulate engagement.
Honestly I don’t even know why I even bother, it’s a pattern for 90% of the posts here, I guess it’s the lack of effort they put in these posts.
I definitely need a new hobby…
Tell family they can give (and I do mean GIVE) him their money if they want to because BRO BANK is closed. And they have ZERO rights to tell you what to do with your own earnings.
I mean, did you really need the 3rd party confirmation on this one? Pretty cut and dry.
As a wise women once told me, don’t ever “loan” money to family. You “gift” it once and if it never comes back, you know not to do it again.
NTA
You either pay me back for the first loan, or beg someone else. I’m not a bank.
You’ll never get any of that money back.
Did by any chance you tell the ppl who are siding with him that they should pay for his lavish lifestyle since its not a big deal?
You’re making the right choice.
NTA