He tries to guide her gently, urging caution and precision, but his concerns are met with stubborn dismissal and defensiveness. The meals meant to nourish their bond now threaten to unravel it, leaving him haunted by the dread that one day, her refusal to listen might cause real harm beyond their home.
I (29m) have been with my wife (28f) for 8 years, and meals are just about the only place of contention in our marriage, but I’m scared she’s going to kill someone one day.
We split the cooking in our house 50/50, but when she cooks I feel like I have to watch her like a hawk. She undercooks just about everything, especially meat, and no matter how many times I try to politely correct her, she claims I’m being “picky”.
For example, every time she makes rice, I just can’t convince her it’s 1 part rice to 2 parts water. She always says “are you sure? That seems like a lot of water.” Or “Maybe that’s how you like it, but I don’t want it so mushy”.
The package and google won’t convince her either, and I just swallow my pride and eat the crunchy rice every time. It’s like that with everything. Pasta, veggies, bread, meat…
The thing is, I wouldn’t care so much if it was just me, but she always wants to cook for our friends. She really prides herself on her cooking and wants to make everything herself.
I just trail behind her, trying to make sure it’s all edible, but there’s usually a few dishes that end up drastically over salted or undercooked. Our friends will politely eat, but I noticed they’ve been coming to fewer and fewer invitations for dinner.
Things all came to a head the other night when she went to put some chicken in the oven as I was hopping in the shower. When I came out, she had pulled the chicken out and said dinner was ready.
I was skeptical and told her that it had only been like 10 minutes. She said she pan-seared it first so it was fine, but when I came to look, the sides were literally pink.
I snapped a little and told her she’s going to kill someone one day from serving them raw meat. Can’t you see that it’s pink? That’s food safety number 1. She said she thought it was done, and it’s not her fault, her mother never showed her how to cook chicken growing up.
I then told her “Well you’re almost thirty, that’s no excuse for not knowing how to cook at all.”
Needless to say she was pretty upset with me, and I probably could’ve been nicer. But I’ve been nice about it for 8 years and nothing has changed. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant distress because his wife consistently prepares food, particularly meat, that he perceives as undercooked or unsafe, leading to years of unaddressed frustration.
The central conflict is whether the OP’s long-term, polite attempts at correction, culminating in a harsh outburst about food safety, were justified, or if the wife’s insistence on her own methods, despite the poor results, is the greater issue: Is the OP right to prioritize his safety concerns over his wife’s feelings about her cooking autonomy?
Here’s how people reacted:
I didn’t have someone who was able to teach me to cook, either. I overcook meats especially, because I’m so paranoid about food safety.
Does she cook everything on high heat and/or is she really impatient? I could see that happening if she was never taught how to cook. I found out from a bf in my early 20s how cooking on lower heat helps cook everything evenly.
Either way, she needs to swallow her pride and learn to cook safely. Instead of 50/50 cooking, how about you two cook together as often as you can, so she can see what the process is for making sure things are properly cooked?
With the oversalting, does she smoke? Maybe have sinus problems? People who have a poor sense of smell can also have a reduced sense of taste and are adding salt to when they can taste it. Meanwhile everyone else is gagging on the salt overload.
Start watching some cooking shows with her. Let her see how other people do it.
2) Get cookbooks
3) Take cooking classes TOGETHER
4) Invest in a cheap rice cooker. There’s no excuse for shitty rice these days
5) There is no way in hell you have never said anything over the course of 8 years. If you have, then you and your wife have the WORST communication I have seen or heard of in a long time
Yall need couples therapy and couples cooking classes
Is this one of those internalized women must know how to cook things? I’m female, and I read the instructions when I cook (which I don’t do much).
Might be worth getting easy to use tools to help in the kitchen. Rice cooker, meat thermometer, air fryer with simple settings, etc. That way there is a higher chance of things getting cooked correctly.
She’s TA tho. Parents not teaching you something is not an excuse in the age of the internet. Google is fast and free. So is YouTube. She needs to swallow her pride and learn how to take constructive criticism.
Arguments over protein temperatures will be a thing of the past.
Also: 2:1 water to rice is wild. It will result in hammered rice. 1.5:1 is more common for white rice. But certain varieties you good better results closer to 1:1.
>She really prides herself on her cooking and wants to make everything herself.
This doesn’t sound like a cooking problem. She’s delusional.
If she cares about cooking she would learn technique and be able to take feedback.
You do need to apologise for the way you said it, but not what you said, and offer to get her cooking lessons as a benefit to you all. So a light YTA. Sorry.
Drain and then rince in a sieve with hot water.
Serve.
Nice fluffy rice with no need to rinse repeatedly.
As someone else said, take a cooking class together
Best of luck to you both
A cooking course for you two sounds like a cool idea
That didn’t solve the crunchy rice problem, but you won’t get salmonella from poorly cooked chicken
NTA. You’re just trying to keep everyone safe
You should’ve been honest with her earlier but she also needs to be honest with herself- she’s eating the bad food too.
2. Buy her a meat thermometer and show her how to use it
3. Can she read the package the rice came in?
Maybe after eating so much raw meat she got parasites that maker her behave very erratically. I mean….