However, during a joint birthday party where the user received a bag of scrap materials while her sister-in-law received expensive gifts, the user felt embarrassed. After a similar pattern of perceived slight during Christmas, where she received dirty scraps after injuring her wrists, the user fabricated a story about needing hand amputations to shock the family into realizing how hurtful their gift choices were. Now, she questions if her extreme reaction was justified.
Hi Reddit, I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for about three years. I’m really into crafting and love reusing things most people would throw away, like empty bottles or soda tabs.
Over time, my boyfriend’s family started saving things for me, like old cans or random scraps, and honestly, I thought it was super sweet. I’ve always appreciated that they thought of me.
But here’s where things got kind of… weird. My birthday is super close to my boyfriend’s sister’s (28F), like only five days apart, so we had a joint birthday party last year. As gifts, they gave me a bag full of “craft supplies,” like soda tabs, empty bottles, and some random other bits and bobs.
I mean, it was thoughtful in a way, but then his sister got these super nice gifts, like a pandora charm bracelet and an apple watch. I felt a little embarrassed to be honest, but I kept smiling and thanked them because I really do appreciate gifts in general.
My boyfriend noticed, though, and he got really upset—he even wanted to call them out, but I told him to let it go and not cause drama.
Then last christmas happened. A few days before, I’d hurt my wrists at the gym (nothing major, just a scrape and some bandages), but I hadn’t told his family about it since I hadn’t seen them.
Only my family and my boyfriend knew what actually happened.
So christmas morning comes, and we’re all opening presents together. His family gave everyone else these *amazing* gifts—new shoes, jewelry, an iphone, gift cards worth like hundreds of dollars.
When I opened mine, I got… an empty soda bottle, some used (and dirty) aluminum foil, and a handful of soda tabs. That was it.
Look, I’m all about crafting, but this felt kinda insulting. My boyfriend was fuming, but we decided to keep quiet for now. Then his family asked me, all smiling, “do you like your gifts?”
I just… snapped. I smiled back and said, “oh thank you so much! I really appreciate it. But unfortunately, I won’t be able to use them anymore because of my accident.” They looked confused, so I explained (very seriously) that my injury was worse than it looked and that both my hands would have to be amputated.
My boyfriend nodded with a straight face and added that we hadn’t told anyone yet because it was a really emotional situation for me.
Their faces went WHITE. They started apologizing, saying they had no idea and how awful they felt. A few of them even looked like they might cry. I just nodded and said, “It’s okay, I’m used to it by now,” and left it at that.
We left shortly after.
Here’s the thing—my hands are totally fine. It was just a couple of scrapes, but I was so hurt and angry about the “gifts” that I wanted them to realize how thoughtless they were being.
My boyfriend thinks I was justified, but later his sister texted me saying I was cruel for “making a scene” and guilt tripping the whole family on xmas (ig the word got to her that my hands are fine).
So now I’m starting to feel a little bad. Did I go too far? AITA?
Conclusion
The user is currently experiencing conflict between her feeling of justified anger over what she perceived as deliberate insult from her boyfriend’s family and the resulting negative fallout, especially after her sister-in-law accused her of cruelty. Her boyfriend supports her action, while she is beginning to doubt the extreme nature of her response.
The central debate is whether using an elaborate, false medical emergency—claiming impending hand amputations—was an acceptable, albeit drastic, tactic to communicate feeling insulted by thoughtless gifts, or if this deception was an unacceptable overreaction that caused undue emotional distress to the family members.
Here’s how people reacted:
I won’t say you’re TA for how you reacted in the heat of the moment. This was a cruel gift with what one would only assume is malicious intent or somehow looking down on you. Of course your response was also cruel. A little much, but what’s done is done. Now you need to sit down with your boyfriend and his family and have an adult conversation with them.
I know people are saying to just let your boyfriend talk to them, but the fact of the matter is that you have these thoughts and feelings that you never communicated to them then had a kind of over the top reaction when things boiled over for you. In short, you could’ve handled it better and as an adult, that’s worth apologizing for. *BUT* apologizing doesn’t mean taking full blame or continuing to allow them to mistreat you.
Explain that while you occasionally appreciate “craft supplies” on a random day and you think it was sweet of them to try to get you something related to your interest, it really makes you feel unvalued and unloved when everyone around you gets bug expensive gifts and you get literal trash. In the future, you prefer to just receive gifts like everyone else (not expensive, just actually thoughtful) and that if they can’t do this, unfortunately you won’t be attending their Christmas celebration or having joint birthdays anymore. Obviously reward all of this to be more diplomatic, but still firm, and have your boyfriend right there to support you and back you up.
What the heck is with his family? At first, I thought it was kind of cute that they were thinking of your hobbies, but now I think more along the lines of they don’t like you and continued to give you this literal garbage to see how long they could keep it up before they got a rise out of you. It’s nice to save items and have them give them to you when they see you…it’s beyond rude that it’s the only thing they ever give to you as “gifts.” Did this holiday involve other non married partners? If other partners got nice gifts (aka, not literal garbage), and you are the only one singled out like this, they are being mean spirited. You should have let your bf intervene before now because he probably sees what they’re doing. Gifting your child’s long-term gf a crafting gift card to buy supplies would be the normal thing to do…this is total jerk behavior on their part.
But your response was SO OVER THE TOP. You actually let them believe your hands were being amputated? You left, with them still believing that?? You literally ruined Christmas for everyone, they probably felt devastated for you and your bf, and then found out it was a cruel prank.
The worst part is – I bet they didn’t learn a lesson about giving crappy gifts (which they should have). They learned that you’re a liar who’s prepared to go nuclear and ruin Christmas rather than communicating like an adult.
YTA – you could have said at your birthday “Thanks for the crafting supplies, I’m way overstocked now, and it’ll be YEARS before I can use all of this!” *BIG WARM SMILE*
Now your boyfriend is on the spot, and he is going to need to talk with his family about the gifts, and why you BOTH, came up the Amputation Story. If he says that YOU came up with it alone, you’ll be sunk.
Keep this in mind when you are next put into a situation, and you think making up something (lie) is the best response.
Lastly, his sister is a part of the family, so if she gets an apple watch, you shouldn’t be expecting any like that from his family, being you are “Only the G/F”
It was an extreme joke IMO.
The gifts were thoughtless and insulting but I think your boyfriend should have addressed it with them. Something like “OP has enough craft supplies and honestly? It looks like you’re giving her a bag of trash and that isn’t ok. Here’s a link to something I know she’ll love way more than more crafting supplies. Please do not give her any more; her feelings are actually hurt and she does not like these gifts.”
And when they asked you if you liked them, you should have been honest. “Thank you for thinking of me but I have no use for this.”
Putting the rubbish in the bin would have made a better statement than some ridiculous story about amputation.
It’s been mentioned that you are not an official member of the family so expecting iPhones and shit is entitled AF.
It’s been mentioned that you have given the family plenty of cause for thinking you would enjoy these materials as a gift – you’ve affirmed this to them directly.
What I haven’t seen anyone ask is why are you trying to torpedo any possible positive relationship with the family of your bf? What is this supposed to get you in the long run?
Do what the rest of us do: say thank you through clenched teeth, then slowly poison their water supply.
Sidenote: You shouldn’t really compare gifts that his family got his sister (you know a blood relative) compared to you (a girlfriend of a blood relative).
They did treat you like an afterthought, rummaged through their recycle bin and expect you to be grateful for it.
But your bf should have dealt with his family immediately after last Christmas instead letting them repeat it this Christmas.
They should be embarrassed and ashamed of their treatment of you.
Expensive gifts aren’t exactly in my budget but I also don’t make all gifts for my kids match monetarily. I just get what they each would like most which sounds like they thought they were doing the same. If you act pleased with a gift of course they’re gonna keep that theme going. And why would you, a girlfriend of a family member, be given lavish gifts anyways?
Maybe for here on out, let you bf handle his family. It’s great he wants to, and that he’s no making excuses for them. They needed to know that what they did was disrespectful, and not just to you, and not because others got non-trash gifts.
All in all, I’d say you’re nta. Or maybe a justified one?
Your response to the “gifts” is a classic example of being passive aggressive
Instead of having your boyfriend address parents in private and respectfully about inappropriate “gifts”. You stay silent- that doesn’t engender change. (Passive) You say something really shocking and frightening ( aggressive). Also doesn’t engender change
Grow up. When something is wrong speak up respectfully. ( or in this case should be boyfriend)
You accomplished nothing but making sure the parents *hate* you once it’s clear you lied.
ESH, but your deceit was completely useless in actually expressing how you felt, especially since you lied to them for years about how much you liked what they gave you. All you’ve done is increase future strife with his family.
YTA. Didn’t think that through, did ya?
You are not their child. If course their kid gets more.
Has it occurred to you to mention that you have enough bottle caps?
My gf’s parents rarely bought me anything. Now and then I’d get lager. I hate lager. So I mentioned that I’d seen a nice cider I wanted to try.
Got cider after that.
YTA
It could have been handled another way, but if they were giving you just trash, well it’s justified.
Also OP: **Lies about having her hands amputated which will certainly lead to drama**
NTA